To do this instead of a party

Sounds lovely to me as a drop in guest. I'll stop by, have one drink and offer birthday greetings and then I will get on with my day.

I know! I love these ones where someone comes on to say AIBU. Most people say yes and explain clearly why. OP says 'no I'm not' and I'm not going to do anything different no matter what you say'. So why waste all our time giving you all our opinions when your mind is made up?

I'm guessing she wanted to be able to show thread to DH to say 'see, all these people agree with me'. But unfortunately they don't!

I'm not sure why you'd give formal invitations out for people to come round for a slice of cake?

I am guessing that with your DS turning 5, you haven't had much experience yet of kids parties. This is definitely not normal and really isn't the done thing. You're adamant that you're not holding a party but all the advice here is to prepare for one.

Otherwise it's likely that either people will just not turn up, or if people do then it will be awkward all round. Get some snacks in, blow up some balloons and prepare a few party games to go along with the birthday cake.

Eh? You did what now? You’ve invited a load of random parents and children over for not-a-birthday-party? Don’t people have anything better to do? I’d clarify if it was a party, when you said no, I’d let you know we weren’t around. What will the children do at this happy unbirthday? I’d cancel in your position, it’s making me cringe just thinking about it.

But it is basically a play date? The arrivals are staggered but there’s likely to either be overlap or just several one on one play dates during the day, assuming people come.

Child A arrives at 10am, DD1 and Child A play, Child B arrives at 10.30, all three play for a while, Child A leaves, B remains for a while, Child C arrives just as they are leaving. And so on. My DD would find that all quite exciting!

I think I would just turn it in to an actual little house party. Make some jam and ham sandwiches buy some crisps, party rings and some fruits shoots. Blow up some balloons and kids can play, maybe some musical.staties and then sit down for a birthday tea followed by cake. Some wine beer and mince pies for the grown ups. Not too much work and everyone will ne happies.

This is fine for a baby or fine for an older person but kind of weird for a 5 year old.

5 year olds have expectations about birthdays, and principal among them are a present and a party bag.

I agree. It's like saying 'ND equals stingy and unreasonable' when it doesn't. Sometimes it equals detail focused and precise, and sometimes other things.
I'm ND and throw fabulous parties for my girls as Im super focused and plan for every eventuality, every need, every weather. I'm very conscious that due to me being ND I might get it wrong so I overcompensate and go 'extra'.

No?
The children won’t all arrive at the same time, so nothing like a play date. Or any I’ve ever organised, certainly.

MN is always a bit out of kilter with my own life experience when it comes to kids parties or social events in general I’ve found. People seem to be constantly on the precipice of being mortally offended by invitations, no invitations, cost, presents. It seems like a stressful old business! Either I am incredibly socially unaware and have gone through 40 years of my life offending people with etiquette, or in reality most people just aren’t that bothered and are happy to attend most things.

So it's like a play date with cake?

It sounds fine to me.

It's a bit odd. There's a risk that any parents willing to come will coordinate arrival time and you end up with a party sized group with no actual party.

Also, I am greedy and personally wondering what this special cake is that would be worth this type of inconvenience on a Saturday!

I think it’s the way you have worded it. If you had said he is celebrating his birthday with friends another day but on the actual day I have said to friends drop in for a slice of cake if you want, you would have got different responses.

I still don’t see how this isn’t a party? Around here lots of people do Christmas open houses - parties where you arrive anytime in the range and most stay until the end but some just stay an hour.

I’m not sure it’s the best format for 5yo (maybe good for mine actually) but still a party.

It sounds like it could be quite nice to be honest. I’m curious as to how you worded it. I quite like the idea that he gets to see his friends throughout the day and they get a bit of cake but I think it kind of depends if you’re actual friends with the parents etc.

Op, this is fine, especially given the group of friends you've described. I've been to similar and it was lovely. That started with brunch so lots of people came for the beginning but others popped in as they were able. Kids entertained themselves with a little adult involvement where necessary and adults enjoyed chatting. Very chill, no one cried! sometimes I wonder if the average MN is the ND one, unable to cope with anything a little different. I often feel like I must be ND reading the responses here.

Have you been unreasonable?
Yes.
Next Question.

I’ll go against the grain and say that I can see this working quite well with our group of friends, OP. It’s kind of like just overlapping play dates, really. The control freak in me would want to know how many people were coming but actually the nature of it doesn’t really bother me, and I think my DD1 would quite enjoy it. There’s also the fact that I often find kids tend to play and get on better in smaller groups at that age anyway and some kids might find this kind of thing less stressful while still allowing them to see their friends.

I am quite laid back about this kind of thing though and don’t generally jump to assuming my friends are trying to squeeze presents out of me, so I would happily pop along for DD to play and for us all to have some cake!

If that’s his birthday then it would be very strange indeed to arbitrarily pick another day to celebrate on.
You seem to have form for making odd decisions, though, so maybe it’s just how it is in your house 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s a dreadful idea that doesn’t really benefit anyone. Really sorry! Unless the adults can stay for a cuppa and chat and the kids can play?
I think I’d do something more structured but to each their own. Hope your son has a lovely birthday!

OP, are the friends DS is seeing for his non birthday birthday do the same ones being invited to your house for cake or is this a two tier thing, for people you/ds like, but not enough to invite to the actual main event?

I do think it screams gift grab.

OP you literally asked if it was unreasonable to do this drop-in thing instead of a party, nearly everyone is saying YES you are unreasonable, and you’re getting in a huff about people answering the question you posed?

I had some very low-key “parties” for my DC (as secondary to doing something else as the main celebration) but it was still recognisably a party - everyone invited at the same time, a few traditional party games, a sandwich tea, singing happy birthday, blow out the candles and eat some cake (just a Colin the caterpillar or similar shop bought). Party bag with a few sweets and a bouncy ball or something. They were still casual, with time for adults to chat while the kids played a bit, not a full 2 hours of organised games etc, but it met the expectations of the children.

I think for five year olds you are going to have some challenging expectation management on your hands.

Oh wow! That’s appalling, actually.
What was actually in your head when you thought people would want to spend part of their weekend bringing their kids round to your house to wish your child a happy birthday?