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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why DH made such a fuss

82 replies

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 13:37

DS, 12, has had flu for over a week. He’s been very ill, up most nights and absolutely no routine. It’s wiped him out, he didn’t eat anything for days. He’s turned a corner and improving but still exhausted.

I was up early this morning, enjoying the quiet. DH has had food poisoning so been in the spare room. He appeared at 10.15 asking why I hadn’t woken DS up, I said he probably needs the sleep, generally he’s not one for laying in or sleeping loads. DH went back up and kept coming back down every 15 minutes to say I should really wake DS up. It got to 11 and I was fed up of his constant jibbing so I went and woke DS up. This is the odd thing though. DH came and ate something and has now gone back to bed to apparently rest! Fine but I don’t get why he was so absolutely adamant that DS needed waking up.

Ive said why did you keep on that DS should be woken up and he’s gone into a strop about how he has to work tomorrow so needs rest. Makes no sense to why DS couldn’t sleep in.

OP posts:
MorningActivity · 08/12/2025 13:47

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 15:16

We did go through a rough patch a while back and I said I think he has npd, he went to counselling and therapy of sort and said he’s had assessments and he’s not got npd but likely has autism. If I say anything about his behaviour he says it’s autism and if he insults me it’s reactive abuse and I need therapy. He doesn’t do a lot generally as he says he’s working, that’s his reason for everything. I do work but only part time due to a life changing accident.

My dh is autistic.
Autism doesn’t explain or excuse being abusive.
Reactivity = autism therefore it’s your fault is only that. An excuse and a way to deflect. It’s not autism.

So whilst being autistic doesn’t one an angel, nor does it say that the partner should become their emotional punching bad or that they can use their diagnosis as a weapon to get what they want.

Please, go and have counselling yourself. You and your ds deserve better than that

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 07/12/2025 20:44

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

This is FUCKED up.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 07/12/2025 20:43

Your dh sounds like a twat tbh

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 18:10

Your dh likely isn't on the spectrum but simply a cunt..

No human being needs a sulking spouse..
Ime life is fucking fab without one.

Cornishclio · 07/12/2025 17:48

Well I would have trusted your own instincts and told your DH to wake him up himself if he was that bothered. Very controlling.

RightOnTheEdge · 07/12/2025 17:31

Well I voted YANBU because your husband is a massive aresehole, but you were being unreasonable for not standing up for you son and not telling your husband to piss off.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 07/12/2025 17:29

Your DH wanted to sleep but didn't want you to have alone time, so wanted your son awake so that you couldn't do whatever sneaky thing he thought you were going to do.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 07/12/2025 17:23

Frenchfrychic · 07/12/2025 16:51

Your poor son, basically your husband wanted him uo so he didn’t get disturbed at work tomorrow and you wanted him up so your husband would stop mothering you, not one of you put your unwell child first.

thats shameful op.

This

TomatoSandwiches · 07/12/2025 17:22

He is a selfish man op, not a good husband and even worse father.

Timebudda · 07/12/2025 17:20

I'd have told him to fuck the fuck off and shut the fuck up the kids unwell with the flu let him be.
I have to agree with other comments op not one of you as put the kid first.
He's unwell with the poxy flu and you lot dragging him out of bed.
Your both shameful.
I dont have kids and I wouldn't do this to a child.
I'd let them sleep as long as they needed.
Call yourself parents.

Bigtreeesss · 07/12/2025 17:20

placating your dickhead husband to the detriment of your child is not ok

nor does it sound like a nice environment for your child

Why stay with someone like this?

Frenchfrychic · 07/12/2025 16:51

Your poor son, basically your husband wanted him uo so he didn’t get disturbed at work tomorrow and you wanted him up so your husband would stop mothering you, not one of you put your unwell child first.

thats shameful op.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 07/12/2025 16:48

The more I read on Mumsnet the more i don’t like men.

What is this? (Your DH behaviour).

Why is he waking up a sick child on a weekend? For what? To do what?

Before going back to bed himself

🤯

BuckChuckets · 07/12/2025 15:32

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 15:16

We did go through a rough patch a while back and I said I think he has npd, he went to counselling and therapy of sort and said he’s had assessments and he’s not got npd but likely has autism. If I say anything about his behaviour he says it’s autism and if he insults me it’s reactive abuse and I need therapy. He doesn’t do a lot generally as he says he’s working, that’s his reason for everything. I do work but only part time due to a life changing accident.

Why do you put up with this shit to the point of disturbing your sick child rather than disobeying him?

outerspacepotato · 07/12/2025 15:31

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

But it wasn't what was best for your son who's had the flu.

Your husband was being an asshole. Why would you do what he said when you know good and well that someone recovering from flu needs lots of rest? Are you safe at home?

Twinkylightsg · 07/12/2025 15:27

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:16

So you prioritised your awful husband over your son's health?

She prioritised herself. She couldn't be arsed dealing with her husband so did it for her peace and quiet

arethereanyleftatall · 07/12/2025 15:26

What is the reason you are continuing to be in a relationship with this controlling man who treats you and your son like shit?

Ariel896 · 07/12/2025 15:21

Your poor child! Why are you putting up with this shit?! I would never allow my DH to tell me what to do especially when it comes to our children being poorly. Hopefully your husband shits himself at work

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 07/12/2025 15:19

Daytimetellyqueen · 07/12/2025 15:14

My thoughts also. This isn’t right Op & sorry you’re living like this.

She is choosing to live lie this, her DS isn't. He suffering because of her/their choices & they need to put him first.

Twinkylightsg · 07/12/2025 15:19

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

That is selfish of both of you.

Selfish of him being a that about your son sleeping. And selfish of you to wake up your child cause you cba dealing with your husband.

Poor kid. Is ill and needs rest. One parent being an ass and the other selfish.

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 15:16

We did go through a rough patch a while back and I said I think he has npd, he went to counselling and therapy of sort and said he’s had assessments and he’s not got npd but likely has autism. If I say anything about his behaviour he says it’s autism and if he insults me it’s reactive abuse and I need therapy. He doesn’t do a lot generally as he says he’s working, that’s his reason for everything. I do work but only part time due to a life changing accident.

OP posts:
MorningActivity · 07/12/2025 15:16

To those saying to @ChristmasShift , how dare you wake your child up when he is ill. All yo make your life easier.

Thats what happens when you live with an abuser.
and @ChristmasShift is an abuser. Even from those few posts, you can tell.

So let’s stop victim blaming. She doesn’t need that. She needs support instead

jay55 · 07/12/2025 15:16

Why didn’t he just wake your son up himself? Why was he issuing orders?

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:16

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

So you prioritised your awful husband over your son's health?

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 07/12/2025 15:15

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:43

He’s now said he said that because he doesn’t want DS to be up late tonight. He’s not going back to school tomorrow but DH is apparently working. He’s said DS can rest tomorrow when he’s at work.

it's all about him & you're all about you. Where does your poor DS figure in all of this selfishness??
Poor kid.

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