To wonder why DH made such a fuss

@ChristmasShift - your husband is abusive and controlling. It’s obvious you’re walking on eggshells and your DS (any other DCs) walk on eggshells too. I can see you chose the lesser of two evils. When a husband is abusive the last thing to do is ‘poke the bear’.

To those posters saying you’d have told him to fuck off, how dare she wake her son, what kind of parent is she/they etc etc - you clearly have ‘normal’ relationships. Abusers play games and generally are not like this before you marry/have children. They slowly, slowly get worse to the point where it’s normalised to be on the receiving end. You’d not tell an abuser to fuck off.

If and when you try to leave they get worse. OPs life will revolve around placating her husband and ensuring damage limitation whilst trying to ensure her DC(s) are as ok as possible.

No, it isn’t right but please stop victim blaming. Unless you’ve been in, survived and/or left an abusive relationship you have NO idea what it’s like to live with day in and day out. You feel powerless, intimidated, isolated and trapped and often have little access to money. Abusers present incredibly well to outsiders too, so you don’t feel you’d be believed, and actually you often aren’t.

@ChristmasShift - there is support available to help you. Your GP, Women’s Aid, solicitors - you and your DC(s) don’t have to remain trapped.

You absolutely need to rethink your position. This is not a healthy way for you both to live.

However, if this is autism related, he may feel very uneasy when the usual routine is broken. He may feel unable to settle, because people aren’t doing what they normally do. That doesn’t mean he should get his own way. Just that might be his underlying motivation.

I find when I point out the underlying issue, DH is better at managing himself. He used to be awful for a few days before a dentist visit. He didn’t notice it himself, but he was tetchy, didn’t sleep well.
When I can point out why he’s u settled and miserable, he does a better job of recognising his behaviour is unreasonable. If I don’t point it out he tends to think we are unreasonable and irritating rather than seeing that he’s being hyper sensitive and easily annoyed.

That's an appalling state of affairs. Your husband is being incredibly cruel. Really think you need to consider your options, as you deserve so much better than this - as does your son.

Not a good enough reason.

Would you jump off a cliff if he asked you to? Pathetic from you and DH.

Is it that your son is often bad at getting up? There's lots of articles about how it's important to go to bed and get up at the same time everyday, so is it that? Still seems off to push it when someone is sick, though.

You need to have a word with yourself, and then with him!

You should have told him to back off and leave DS in peace.

"We did go through a rough patch a while back"
You didn't go through it, you're still in it.

"I said I think he has npd, he went to counselling and therapy of sort and said he’s had assessments and he’s not got npd but likely has autism."
"Therapy of sort" and "likely has autism" - interesting way of putting it, methinks. You didn't rate the 'therapy', did you? And 'likely' isn't the same as 'definitely'. Sounds to me like he picked a pliant counsellor/therapist who told him what he wanted to hear, and now he has a stick to beat you with.

"If I say anything about his behaviour he says it’s autism and if he insults me it’s reactive abuse and I need therapy. He doesn’t do a lot generally as he says he’s working, that’s his reason for everything.
I'd be turning that particular fuckery straight back on him - e.g. say he clearly doesn't understand why DS needs to sleep because of his autism, so as the neurotypical parent you will decide on the appropriate action. He thinks he has a stick to beat you with? Take that stick away from him and break it in front of him.

It doesn't matter whether he has autism or not (I suspect not - far too convenient for him) - autism is not an inoculation against being an abusive arsehole, which is what your husband is. And it is as an abusive arsehole you must deal with him.

"I do work but only part time due to a life changing accident."
Is this another stick he beats you with?

I agree.

I don’t know your husband but keeping people from sleeping is a sign of an abuser.

Your son is sick. You should have not woken him up. You should have woken up your husband because his behaviour is disgusting.

Right. Autism does not = unempathetic cunt. Not remotely. Though many have tried to claim that on this site.

Harsh but true!

I have autism. I would never wake a sick child for no reason, because that’s insane.

Your husband may have autism, but he also has a co-morbid condition known as “cuntitude”.

Maybe because he's an arsehole? You should not have woken your child up to appease your husband being a dick.

This doesn’t make sense unless your DH only works one day a week.

Bumped message along.

Seriously.

You are being totally unreasonable. 1. For waking up your child who needed rest and 2. For putting up with this man.

Aside from your DH being a dick, why did he make you wake up your DS? If he felt so strongly about it, why didn't he wake him himself?

Your poor son.
Arsehole for a father.
You need to protect your son better.

Is there any reason your husband might have wanted you out of the room you were in for a few minutes? Could waking your son up just have been a way for him to get you to leave?

I would have checked on DS but not woken him.

I think your husband sounds like a selfish man and a terrible, lazy father.

So you deprived your sick child of sleep to stop your husband nagging at you? This reflects very poorly on you and on your DH.

As soon as I read the OP I thought i bet it's because he doesn't want your son awake late in the evening and disturbing him. And he sent you to wake son instead of doing it himself because he didn't want the hassle of being the "bad guy".

All about his own wants basically.

Fantastic parenting.

OP, your not so “D”H might have autism but it’s not an excuse to be abusive.

Look at the bigger picture- he does what he wants and you and DS do as he wants.
It’s all about him and what he wants-control.

The fact he wanted to decide when your ill DS will be asleep and for how long that’s extremely controlling.

His “diagnosis” is very convenient to him as it absolves him of any responsibility for his behaviour. He says/does whatever he wants and when you confronted him in the past he whines “that’s my autism”.

It wears you out more and more so you backtrack more and more because it’s easier just to comply and avoid his moods.

Look up DARVO and freedom programme.

Wishing your DS speedy recovery and you the courage to confront your life with abusive H💐