Would you forgive this?

Probably because those ‘dozen folk’ have tens of years of medical knowledge behind them who have witnessed down falls of men (and women!) affected by neurological disorders who’s lives are obliterated before anybody realised there was a (very serious and often aggressive!) problem.

The OP hasn’t returned to tell us if it’s new behaviour. There will be witnesses because it likely did happen- nobody is disputing that. Just medical professionals stating there is a very slight possibility all might not be as it seems.

We are very far from deluded- in fact very experienced.

No, because like some people who have dementia etc, they don't realise the change in behaviour. Which is why I was going to the GP, not my DH.

OP, is he well?

Like this at home?

Could it be early Alzheimer's if you haven't seen this behaviour before?

He sounds so slimy! Wow!

No, l wouldn't forgive as it's grim. Plus it doesn't sound like he's told you the entire story. Personally I would be getting him gone

That may be the case or it may be that she is desperately searching for reasons why the colleague over reacted or lied so that she can stay with her husband and pretend it didnt happen.

I can sympathise with that. Going from a place of contented family life to it being blown up like this is absolutely terrifying. Sadly, I suspect that she will be back in the situation or worse in the coming years, but some women really cannot or will not contemplate dealing with ending their marriage. They would rather close their eyes, stick their fingers in their ears and sing lalala rather than face the reality of the sort of man they are clinging to.

Nah, it takes a lot for a woman to report this type of behaviour.

I know. The fact that dozens of people are trying to suggest that a world-class lech who has left his family financially up shit creek because he couldn't stop being handsy with women in the office could be having some neurological crisis is pretty mind-blowing.

And yet she chose AIBU rather than Relationships, Chat or Employment.

Probably because the op would appreciate talking to someone with compassion and who is offering support rather than a kicking.

Yes and considering the OP's husband has witnesses that said his complainant was not lying, I can't understand how it's similar and why the OP has messaged that poster.

Blows my mind too.

Lets apply Occams Razor.

What is the simplest explananation that requires the fewest assumptions? That he is a manky perv.

All these neurological suggestions simply do not stand up against the cold hard facts that in order to get sacked there would need to be multiple corroborated incidences of harrassment, and he has been sacked. They dont stand up against the fact that he has admitted it. They dont stand up against the fact that the lack of boundaries and awareness that can happen with certain brain issues or illnesses are usually far more obvious and worrying than the intimate actions and words he has carried out.

So if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then its a lying manky old pervy cunt who deserves kicking to the kerb.

@charlotte82 you don't have trust issues, do not make this your problem.

Your husband is a sexual predator. I'd leave and fast. He is deeply deeply inappropriate and I'm sure this isn't the first time.

He's getting off on making sexual remarks to women, and they are a really so e people here that are trying to excuse this perve by saying he might be ill...omg please 😂😂😂

It's not just a few comments, it's unwanted physical advances. Brushing her hair away to see her earring? That made me shudder, that is really intimate, 100 percent coming on to her and totally inappropriate. This girl must have felt so unbelievably uncomfortable, that behaviour towards her from a much older, presumably senior male.

The excuses that some women are prepared to make for men's behaviour never fails to shock me.

@charlotte82 is your DM being sent in the hope that you can prove to yourself that your husband has faced unfair dismissal?

If he didn't sexually abuse co-workers, wouldn't it be best if he employed a solicitor to help prove his innocence?

I agree with this, imo it’s worse than cheating,

Good luck OP, it’s got to end.

This. He hasn’t merely said sexual words, he has sexually harassed women. Be worried for your kids and leave him for their sake.

Also just want to say you absolutely cannot trust him, its not just a few comments, he is touching a woman he works with when it is unwanted. He is brushing her hair away etc think about how you would feel if a colleague done this to you, it is a very intimate move. He is a pervert. You will never be able to trust him. And also think about what he is, not what he thinks of you...you are way too good for him. The fact your response is to worry if you're skinny enough after finding out your husband is a pervert and predator is honestly worrying, but likely just shows how bad he has been for your self esteem. You are much too good for him.

Has he always worked there or is this a newish job? I’m just wondering if this is how he’s always behaved at work but this is a new environment where it’s quite rightly not being tolerated.
His behaviour has been witnessed by others and they have stood up and said that the accusations are true. If he has worked there for sometime and isn’t in a probationary period he wouldn’t be able to just be sacked out of the blue, he would have had a warnings verbal/ written.
I find it very difficult to believe that a bloke has never behaved like this before in any area of his life ie when out with mates etc suddenly starts making totally inappropriate comments and physically touching someone by touching their hair etc
He has made someone feel so uncomfortable they have raised an official complaint, he’s used sexual words at work and commented on customer’s appearances.
This has nothing to do with cheating and everything about objectifying women, any woman that he’s come into contact with by the sounds of it, it’s gross….
Im guessing he’s not denying it if you’ve been told the amount of information you have. This isn’t a case of ‘Sandra has told the boss I’ve been touching her, but I absolutely haven’t, no one is backing up her claims and everyone says my behaviour is always exemplary, but they’ve sacked me’
This sounds like ‘Sandra has made an official complaint about me touching her, other colleagues have seen me do it and heard me make derogatory comments about customers as well as using sexualised language in the work place, so I’ve been sacked’.
Not sure how you are going to be able to move past it even if he is fully denying it, because it’s not a case of he said/she said. He’s also put your family at risk because I’m guessing you need his wages coming in, not many households can survive on just one income in today’s economic climate.
I guess where you go from here depends on what he has to say about it…

He's only not cheated because none of them were interested. You need to wake up OP. I am sorry.

I’m sorry about what happened to your husband.

But with all kindness to you, people are getting very fixated on the idea that his behaviour has suddenly changed. There’s no evidence at all that this has happened. All the OP has said is that she didn’t know it was happening and there is no precedent.

Thats hardly surprising given that professional creeps tend to keep this behaviour away from their family. People are over interpreting this comment to imply he’s had an abrupt personality change. I don’t think this is the case at all, it just hasn’t come to light before.

I don’t mean to be insensitive towards people whose loved ones have gone through neurological illnesses or dementia but in this case this is total grasping at straws.

If this guy really thinks he may have a neurological disorder of some sort you can bet your sweet ass he will use it to defend himself. The OP should not be being pressured to assume there is a benign explanation to this and it is not her job, on top of everything else she is dealing with, to scratch around looking for an (implausible) medical excuse.

There almost certainly isn’t a medical reason for this, he’s just a sleazy shit and the quicker she makes peace with this, the quicker she can act to protect herself.

Im so sorry, this is absolutely awful and in so many ways worse than just cheating. Set an example for children, and respect yourself and get away from him. I could never forgive it. He has obviously made colleagues extremely uncomfortable and I'm sure the customers too if they heard him commenting on them. He is a disgusting pest. I am so so sorry you have to go through this x

Im so sorry, this is absolutely awful and in so many ways worse than just cheating. Set an example for children, and respect yourself and get away from him. I could never forgive it. He has obviously made colleagues extremely uncomfortable and I'm sure the customers too if they heard him commenting on them. He is a disgusting pest. I am so so sorry you have to go through this x