I’m so so upset about this!

She doesn't want to lend you the money and rather than bluntly say that, she softened it by saying she didn't have the money to lend.

Frankly, I'm surprised she lets you in her home unsupervised given your snooping/over stepping tendencies.

Incidentally,Mehta would your plans have been to pay her back and over what period? And have you borrowed from her before?

Breathtaking entitlement op

So true

I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!! You Googled the price of her shampoo? That’s insane. Why would you do that? And I have £25 in my purse for no particular reason. That doesn’t mean I have £500 to loan anyone.

then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k. she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? Does a piece of paper look like a box of matches? No it bloody doesn’t. You absolutely were snooping. And if she’s just paid out £500 for a deposit and now needs to pay out another 25k then she probably doesn’t have £500 to spare. Do you want her to go to her husband and say ‘I’m sorry love, I know we agreed as a family to buy a new car, but we need to cancel it so my sister doesn’t have to cut her cloth over Christmas time. You don’t mind, do you?’

Should I say anything! No, I probably wouldn’t admit what I’d been thinking. I’d be too ashamed. Yes, you’ve had a tough few years. That doesn’t mean she is responsible for helping you splash out at Christmas.

I'm skint but I'd never want paying for babysitting my nieces. You're a cheeky one. If real of course which it probably isn't.

Never a lender or borrower be. It's the thing which can cause most family rifts. Have you planned whether you can even pay her back? If you being shortbl of money is a constant thing I'm not sure you've thought how youre going to pay it back even if you did get a loan off her Xxx

It’s her money, not yours. You are not entitled to any of it, nor do you get to choose what she spends it on!

What could you possibly say? Accuse her of not wanting to lend you the money? Do you want to damage your relationship with your sister, because that's all you'd achieve by doing that. Either she honestly didn't have the money to spare when you asked or she didn't feel comfortable loaning it to you.

You say you've made do, so even if she had the money to loan, she hasn't done it knowing you're unable to feed yourself, for instance. There's nothing to be gained by confronting her about what she does with her own money.

She'll also likely assume you were snooping. So no, don't say anything.

I wasn’t snooping by the way.

Googling the price of someone’s belongings just to find out how much they spend is snooping. Reading someone’s mail is big time snooping. How are you not embarrassed to admit you do that?

I disagree wirh most on here. She doesnt have to help you but it would have been nice. Relationahips are a two way street. Maybe you should be unavailable next time she needs a babysitter. If you are badly organised ans bad with money though then thats a different matter and she might have a point. Bur if you are a supportive decent person who is gwnyinwly struggling then it's a bit aad if your own sistwr canr bung yoy a few quid for a ahort period

There was no need to go in her drawers. You didn’t need to ‘look for matches’ in drawers at all. The fact you saw enough of the letter to know the dates / cost of the car means you definitely read private mail. You should be ashamed. They didn’t want to lend ur to you because they had it tied up in other things OR they didn’t want to risk never seeing it again OR they feel it’s not on them to loan you money. This is why money lending or even asking for it damages relationships.

You were snooping though. She's made sure to pay you for babysitting and maybe that is her way of helping you out and vice versa. I wouldn't dream of taking money off my sister for babysitting my nephews and tbh she wouldn't ask or take it.

It's the use of the word share that hints at you being entitled. Her money is her own. Tbh I would give the money if any if my siblings asked but I know it would take a lot for them to ask. If any of them were bad with money then I'd only give it if I could afford to write it off.

If you resent what your sister has take time to look inward and see what it is about your life that you could change.

1. You don’t need to spend £500 at Christmas

2. You definitely don’t need to spend £500 you don’t have at christmas

3. Your sister doesn’t owe you, or anyone, and explanation on what she does with her money

You are being very unreasonable.

We got a new car this year. Holidays booked for next year. Kids won’t be going without at Christmas. Yet I don’t have just £500 in my account spare to give to someone. I’ve afforded those things because I save gradually and account for every penny - something I suggest you start doing.

I can’t believe you’re going through her stuff, reading her mail and googling how much things cost. She trusted you in her home. She likely doesn’t have it if they’ve stretched themselves, but she doesn’t need to change her lifestyle and buy cheaper stuff so she can give you her money, even if she did have it you’re not entitled to her or her husbands money.

your behaviour is abhorrent.

Maybe she’s sick of giving you money though? You’ve said yourself that you have struggled financially for at least 5 years - if not longer.

at some point you’ve got to crawl out of that hole and not be reliant on others.

I personally don’t budget to lend anyone £500, it’s a totally unexpected expense and I would be minded to say no regardless of my circumstances. If they’ve put down a £25k deposit, what makes you think they have £500 spare? That £25k is going to be earmarked if it’s not already been sent to fund the car, they might not be able to make another £500 in the short time they’re due to get the car and they likely don’t trust that you’ll pay the funds back in time.

Also sorry but if you’re poor, spending £500 that you don’t have on Christmas is a stupid idea. Just have a low key, basic Christmas. You really don’t need to get into debt over it. Focus your energy on improving your finances so you can have a different Christmas next year.

She was doing you a favour by not letting you get into debt for a Xmas you can’t afford.

My sister is very well off, but I've never asked her for a penny (I'm far less well off). She got into the right industry at exactly the right time in the 90s as it massively took off, and I was a little less lucky. She's funny with lending money so I've never asked. Well I did ask once in the 90s and she outright refused and said I was terrible with money so, no. (I wasn't, I just didn't have any as I was a single parent doing my best).

I have an aunt who is a barrister and who has a mansion in Surrey - she is worth absolutely millions - and she still used to make my mother pay for all the phone calls they had (back when you used the landlines and it cost a fair bit at certain times of the day). Some people are just like that.

She did you a favour. You should not be borrowing money for Christmas, only for essentials.

Just because she’s got the money doesn’t mean you can have it.

We need a ChatGPT emoji.

WHY would you even think to Google someone else's household items? If it's in a hotel, I would understand. Seems off. Kindly OP, adjust your mindset and you'll find you're alright.

You’re getting a hard time here, OP, but it does seem mean to me. In such circs I’m sure I’d have managed to oblige a sibling who was broke - that is, unless I knew she was telling me she was super-skint while spending on takeaways/coffees/ having her nails done, etc.

This. I would not lend that amount of money, for a family member to do Christmas, no way.

You were snooping,. Who looks up how much a shampoo costs? She has the right to luxury shampoo, a nice car and home. She paid you for the babysitting. My sis never gave me a penny for all the babysitting I did for her and neither did I expect it. If she pays you you should have offered to do more babysitting to the tune of the £500.