I’m so so upset about this!

It’s an awful lot to me but I wouldn’t base someone’s ability to lend me money on it. I would though expect them to have amazing hair 😁

Christmas is going to cost me about £250 max. That’s me, two young adults, plus food for us, then one of their gf’s and my sis on Boxing Day. I could honestly do without Christmas at all as I’m on a tight budget until mid ‘26.

1. I was under the impression that family is there to help each other! Clearly I am wrong!

ypumare wrong to make judgements about how much of their money is spare , not allocated to their household budget, and available to lend out with the likelihood of it not being paid back.

just because you think they have it, doesn’t mean they a) do and b) have to give it to you.

you should save the £500 throughout the year to pay for your own spending commitments. Like you said, it’s not much.

This was my exact thought too.....

How many are you having to do Christmas for, OP? Anywhere you can cut a bit more back just to take the pressure off yourself a bit? Do you have a partner who can take some of the strain? The pressure to live beyond our means is crazy this time of year.

For whatever reason (and she doesn’t owe you a reason) she won’t be lending you the money. So the only thing to do is have a look at what you’ve got coming in and how you can work the reality you’re in to the best possible outcome.

Your attitude says a lot. I’m financially well off and consider £500 a lot of money for Xmas. You have no money but you think £500 is nothing to give away?

But it is much, it’s more than many have, and you’re not entitled to her money so you can have a good Xmas.. Family does help each other, good families. But that does not mean you’re entitled to her money, to go through her things, for her to live differently so she can ensure you get a good Xmas. You even take money off her to baby sit, go through her stuff, google how much stuff costs with your jealous eyes.

can you really not see how grubby and entitled you are being. Stop eyeing up what she has and thinking you should have it. You shouldn’t.

500 is more than you have, so yes, it is that much.

Why should anyone fund your christmas for you? How entitled are you?! I wouldn't lend you a penny.

If 500 isnt much why dont you have it?

It’s really hard when you are struggling and those who are close to you are not struggling. Plus I suspect that, like many people, your sister is in a good financial position through a combination of luck as well as good management. You have not had that good luck.

The reality is that If you’d borrowed £500 from her, you would’ve struggled to pay it back, plus you wouldn’t have had £500 to pay for your children for next Christmas.

Yes, your sister is really lucky to have what she does and it’s hard to come up against that.

But. If you put away £45 each month from now on, then next Christmas you will have £500 for yourself and your children with the added advantage that you will not owe anything to anyone.

Are you financially responsible though?

I wouldn’t lend to somebody who was in and out of jobs every 5 minutes, or chose to work part time, or spent their money on rubbish and then asked to borrow.

I’ve lent a significant sum of money to a trusted friend who needed to flee a DV relationship and she paid me back, but I trusted her.

I haven’t RTFT but I have a gut feeling there’s a significant backstory here about you not taking financial responsibility for yourself, not repaying previous loans, not sticking jobs out etc - am I right?

my love, kindly, nobody owes you anything in terms of your expectations of borrowing money. They’re entitled to say no.

You made do, well done! That’s an achievement and you got through

make this the point that you make sure never to put yourself in a position where you don’t have enough money and have to ask.

I suspect your sister thinks she would never see any of the money again.
And that it would not be the only time of asking for some.
So thought no.

She doesnt want to give you £500 and she doesnt want to deal with the difficulty and awkwardness of trying to get it back when you dont repay when you say you will.

Stop asking for cash

let's be real....
If you couldnt save £500 i the run up to Christmas (which is an expected cost and no surprise to anyone) what makes you think you save and repay £500 after christmas?
Spoiler alert: you likely cant / wont

And of she lends it to you in the new year just like now.... you'll be there saying / thinking "omg dsis will just waste this £25 on shampoo...i actually really need this £25 for food"

Because what this all really boils down to is you think you need / deserve her money more than her.

She is already paying you to babysit your own nieces and nephews...

You are a grown adult...
Her money should be used on supporting herself and her dependent children... not you

Babysitting is £15 ph do some extra babysitting evenings and weekends for other people of you need cash...

I swear 50% of the threads I open and am tempted to respond to fall into this category these days. It's getting beyond a joke and ridiculously transparent. I've just asked in Site Stuff for MNHQ to either confirm or deny...

Have you borrowed from her before OP? And if so have you always paid it back promptly?

No one is compelled to lend you money. That’s all there is. Money can make things really awkward and she’s let you down gently.

500 is excessive for Christmas. If your children are old enough to see that you haven’t spent much on gifts then they are old enough to understand times are hard. If they aren’t old enough to understand about money you can get away with less gifts. Young children like ripping the paper. You don’t need to buy presents for any adults. You don’t need to send cards and a roast chicken is a perfectly acceptable Christmas dinner.
Your sister probably thinks you aren’t good with money and will just ask again in a few months. She is just trying to let you down gently.

So @Penny4thoughts1 what are your thoughts about all the replies you’ve had? Did you say anything in the end? As she was home hours ago and you’ve not made a single reply yet

That isn't what happened in the Budget at all.

Tired of people feeling sorry for themselves over it when presumably they haven't cared about the previous fourteen years of (other) people being made poorer.

she hasn't budgeted £500 for you. That's totally fair enough.
also, why do you need £500 - it's a lot of money. If you're so broke your sister probably knows she will never get it back. If your sister is married with children, it's not just her money it's her husband. And children's.

She doesn't want to lend you the money and rather than bluntly say that, she softened it by saying she didn't have the money to lend.

Frankly, I'm surprised she lets you in her home unsupervised given your snooping/over stepping tendencies.

Incidentally,Mehta would your plans have been to pay her back and over what period? And have you borrowed from her before?

You expect her to loan you money but you are charging her for babysitting your own neices or nephews, I would never charge family or friends for babysitting