To be angry that a mutual friend is committing benefit fraud!

Same. I have invisible ones (mental health). I spend time trying to keep them invisible, which is exhausting.

I’ve got physical disabilities, but I’ve never felt the need to spread the info around. It’s nothing to do with anyone else. 🤷‍♀️

If her benefits stop and the children are struggling then getting a job will solve that problem!

That’s the thing, it’s so common, and has been for many years, that lots of people think nothing of it & probably think those that don’t do it are mugs for having both parents working! It’s especially easy if you’re not married to your partner to claim as a single parent. Many couples do this throughout the relationship and despite having multiple children with the same man get away with claiming as a single parent. The system is so easy to game many will take advantage of it with no shame whatsoever!

So you’re effectively saying we shouldn’t report any leeches like your acquaintance if they’re parents? Anything could happen - social services could get involved, she could be sanctioned and eventually get benefits again, she could split up with her partner, she could get a job etc. Her kids aren’t your responsibility.

I am not suggesting that everyone around any particular person knows the ins and outs of their lives, including their disability. What I'm suggesting is that most of us have a trusted inner circle where we share private information and this will include financial, health and even very personal information. So for example, in OP's case it is totally possible that her friend shares with her the reality of what is going on in her life because she trusts her. Would her friend be so open with an acquaintance or less good friend? I imagine not.

You may be a very private person and not share the extent of your disability with anyone, but I would argue that you are in the minority and I would wonder why you do this? Do you not want support from your friends? Do you not need it occasionally?

I'm not saying most people go into graphic detail about what is going on but to go out of your way to conceal it from those who loves an support you just seems very counterproductive and not something I recognise in my friendship groups or family.

I have been on similar threads where disabled people have insisted that they conceal many of the worst aspects of their disability from their friends and family. They have presumed this is the normal thing to do and this is why nobody can really be sure who is defrauding the system. In my experience, this is really unusual behaviour and most of us are more open than this and aren't deliberately trying to mislead people for no apparent reason. When I was very ill, I needed other people to step up and support me so I literally didn't have the choice to conceal it. You don't necessarily go into the detail of the symptoms etc but the idea that we are all leading lives where we tell nobody anything and conceal everything from our friends and family is just bonkers to me.

Just because that is your experience, and what you had to do, does not mean that applies to everyone else. My circle of friends have no real idea of how my disability affects me. Why is it so hard to understand, that some people living with disabilities manage to live life, without everyone around them knowing all the ins, and outs of their condition? I don't wish for them to know, or else I would tell them.

Yes, I find it odd that people don't realise that people shoot themselves in the foot all the time. I know your whole point is that benefit cheats aren't criminal masterminds but even actual criminal masterminds slip up by trusting the wrong people. Humans are social animals and there is an instinct within many of us to share what's going on with our lives with our nearest and dearest. It's why friends confide in each other about really serious and potentially life destroying stuff like affairs. The obvious sensible thing to do would be to tell nobody but as a species we simply aren't built like this and most of us find solace in discussing things with trusted people.

I have been on similar threads where disabled people have insisted that they conceal many of the worst aspects of their disability from their friends and family. They have presumed this is the normal thing to do and this is why nobody can really be sure who is defrauding the system. In my experience, this is really unusual behaviour and most of us are more open than this and aren't deliberately trying to mislead people for no apparent reason. When I was very ill, I needed other people to step up and support me so I literally didn't have the choice to conceal it. You don't necessarily go into the detail of the symptoms etc but the idea that we are all leading lives where we tell nobody anything and conceal everything from our friends and family is just bonkers to me.

The media scaremongering will let you believe they can see your bank accounts. They cant, they can request access for investigating things thats all.

I would report her after xmas, doing so now will point the finger at you. Alot of people dont have the luxury of being a SAHM, I certainly dont see why tax payers should be funding it because shes lying.

Are there any self employed tradesmen who pay all their tax? I’ve not met one who hasn’t expressed a preference for cash.

You can’t hide savings for long. 🙄

Because its so common that they literally don’t see any wrong in doing it! The people ( especially on mumsnet) who constantly deny that this is happening ( especially on the disability threads) are so out of touch with reality its unbelievable!

Unfortunately the fact the children are going to be affected is on the parents. I’m pretty sure they know it’s fraud, because there’s a reason they’ve decided to say they’re living apart, something many people do to play the system. We all have a responsibility to report these situations when we hear about them, because as well as trying to keep the Welfare bill down, it will also ultimately affect all genuine claimants when the bill becomes so large that the government will have no choice but to cut it down drastically. For everyone.

There are children involved though. They wont be unaffected by this.
I never said to just ignore it either. She might just need reminding that it is fraud.

So if it’s not rage bait… what’s the point in the post? You can’t be bothered engaging with the thread to discuss it so it isn’t that, and you don’t plan to report her regardless. But the thread isn’t just to gain a reaction? Rubbish

I have zero sympathy thst 'it will mess things up for them'. It's pretty messed up that working people not claiming benefits, yet still struggling, have to pick up the tab for a welfare system out of control already, without fraudsters making it worse.

Yes of course you have! Do you regularly start posts, then leave them.Sorry but l don’t believe this is true.
Apparently you’re not even going to report it! Which is what many on here have said to do, instead of whinging about it, but it’s ok you have time to come onto MN and start another thread on it 💩

I once got talking to a couple in a pub who were boasting about fiddling benefits- something along the lines of " she's pretending to be my carer." Didn't know them from Adam. And they didn't know I worked in the DWP fraud department. People are idiots.

Probably only following government initiatives ? I'd leave it be.

It’s an anonymous forum, nothing is verified, but you believe every post on MN is factual! Do you believe everything you read online/newspapers as well🙄

A potential problem for OP and her husband is that if OP reports then the woman and her partner will put two and two together and realise who reported them, which OP's husband may be worried about.

Report it. The false claimants are part of the reason for decent folk paying tax increases.

I reported someone once. They were working full time and claiming benefit. Also common knowledge was that she'd got herself pregnant to avoid jail on a charge of large scale fraud.

Report them then.
It is difficult though. It will mess things up a lot for them. Maybe have a chat about how the DWP are clamping down on fraud and hint heavily that they might get caught out, and you are concerned for them.