AIBU to want husband to have the snip?

It's his body. If he doesn't want to do it, then yabvu to pressurise him. People either believe in bodily autonomy or they don't.

There are other alternatives. You could decide not to have sex. You could use condoms. You could get yourself sterilised. Whatever.

I don't think you have the right to tell him what to do with his body.

I don’t really think you should be forcing him to have a vasectomy when he clearly doesn’t want to go through with it

The OP says her husband doesn't understand why they can't just use condoms. So obviously he wants to.
It does seem the best solution here to use them.

Or he could use condoms?

Hormonal birth control isn’t a harmless drug that’s actually safe to take. It’s a trade-off against the high risks associated with every pregnancy.

You’ve taken the risks for your joint sex life for years.

His hesitation would absolutely kill my libido.

You cannot force someone to do this , why dont you go and get sterilised?

Why can’t you just use condoms? I don’t understand. People do still fall pregnant after the snip.

Can he freeze sperm as well as the embryos? Surely that's belt and braces.

I find it unbelievably selfish of men who expect their wives to use hormonal contraception for years, plus pregnancy, plus termination but then refuse a vasectomy. So selfish I’m not sure I’d want to continue in the marriage with a man willing to put my health at risk.

Do not, DO NOT keep using contraception anymore if you are done with it. It is really bad for women in the first place! He needs to use condoms or there is no sex until he gets the snip.

It's his body so you can't force him to have the procedure.

But it is also YOUR body and YOUR health that is at serious risk, if you become pregnant again.

Do not compromise your health op.

I read about Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome and now would never ask an OH to have a vasectomy, it's just not worth the risk. We just use condoms and always have for 20 years (I've never tried long term hormonal contraception of any kind).

This plus a termination! Fuck me Op, you’ve put your body through enough over the years - it’s his turn to step up now (however that may look, from vasectomy to abstinence).

Oops, sorry, commented on the wrong post!

Youre not unreasonable to feel upset if he cancels but I think people should only have surgery they want to have

I have personally witnessed a border collie cross biting a child in the face. It was horrific beyond words. The wound required stitches and has left a permanent scar. It was probably more of a warning nip than a full-on aggressive bite, but it was still more than enough to cause serious damage.

Like pretty much everyone is saying, you should get the dog away from your kids immediately.

He is very reluctant to go ahead with it as doesn’t want to mess with his body.

oh fucking men! Tell him he has a choice: he "messes with his body" (i am aware that this is not zero risk but it is very very low risk and easier for men) or there is no sex.

You have been messing with your body with artificial hormones, not to mention 2 pregnancies, and now it is his turn.

Entirely his decision

The brother is out of order. They've got 'spares' in the freezer, so to speak.
Husband may be using this as an excuse - some men (well, lots of men, tbh) worry that the snip will somehow affect their performance, or take away part of their masculinity.
From personal experience, I can vouch that it has no effect on either, it simply means you're 'firing blanks'. For me and (then) partner it was the most satisfactory and straightforward method of contraception.

I think the difference is that condoms can still result in accidental pregnancy, which will then result in YOU 'messing with your body' regardless of whether you have a termination or have the baby. And it feels more 'unfair' because you end up having no choice in 'messing with your body' in either outcome.

He gets to choose not to 'mess with his body' but doesn't suffer the physical consequences of that decision. So he's making a decision on his own body autonomy which potentially has a direct impact on yours instead. That's probably why you feel uncomfortable with it, at least partly. I'm not commenting on the rights and wrongs of it!

Complicated situation OP with a multitude of emotions for u to deal with.
You can't make your husband have the snip if he doesn't want to and I fully understand why you can't rely on condoms.
You are also dealing with the aftermath of emotions following your termination.
My heart goes out to you OP and I don't have any answers.
I actually think your BIL and his wife are being very selfish and non appreciate of your emotions.

That’s a good point

I understand from your side but also from his. It’s his body and if he doesn’t feel comfortable with it Îm not sure Îd force the matter.

Tell him he can wait until db's baby is born.. If he can wait until then to have sex with you.
If he is sure your marriage can survive that long.
Is he prepared to put his db before his dw? Ask him that.

I think you have been incredibly selfless tbh

Tell him to untie the umbilical cord between him and his brother and put his bloody wife first

Use condoms, youre not teenagers!

Then you are being very very unreasonable if he doesn’t want it done and you’re trying to force him into it