To not accept this was an accident

Does this happen at work? As in, does he do careless things that lead to breakages or injury? While less scope, even an office job has doors and stairs and things!

because I always find it strange that people manage to behave themselves in front of others

Does he apologise?

Because even if it IS an accident, the reality is that it was still his fault. He might not have done it on purpose, but he did do it.

I tell my chilren all the time - if I cause a major car accident, even though I did i tby accident, I'm still going to have to take responsibility for whatever happens as a result.

NOTHING is more annoying than the child like, "but I didn't mean to" as an excuse to not take responsibility or accountability.

It sounds like an accident, in that it was not deliberate. But that doesn't mean he wasn't at fault. He should reasonably have taken care and didn't. If you sued him he would be liable (!). As opposed to the type of accident which is just one of those things that can't be helped.

I had a similar situation and worked it through with him. He acted as though ‘sorry’ was for when you did something on purpose, rather than accidents. I pointed out that just wasn’t true, that it’s for mistakes, or times other people are hurt or sad even when it’s noting to do with you. That it would be appalling if he had trodden on someone’s toe on purpose, and sorry wouldn’t even be appropriate then!
He eased up a bit and started being a bit freer with the apologies! It was a really productive conversation. He still needed to be coached into more appropriate responses but it was a start.

It might not be intentional but it is his fault and he knows it or he wouldn’t be so defensive? Is there some sort of therapy or training he can do in taking more care, even basic accident prevention and first aid to make him more aware?
Also, how is his driving - ought he to be on the road?

No but having dyspraxia as a child where you will be continually punished for things you can’t help, can affect people differently as adults.

A poster on here has written that they tell their children there’s no such thing as an accident only carelessness. Imagine being dyspraxic and having parents with that attitude?

OP, I think the problem here is that your husband is terrified of owning up to his mistakes. You need to talk this through with him and emphasise the point that accidents do happen but his reaction to them are what upsets you. That you expect him to apologise, take responsibility and try to rectify the situation.

Does being dyspraxic also absolve him from ever apologising and being upset and remorseful that his carelessness led to his toddler being seriously injured?

I’m dyspraxic and care about people, but I’d still probably do this a second time.

Why? He’s clearly dyspraxic!

What the fuck? Do you think newborns need to train their parents not to drop them too?

Do you think… that makes it ok to let your toddler break an arm and then not take them to hospital? To slam the boot on your wife? It doesn’t matter if the op could be a better communicator, she and their child are being physically hurt. You shouldn’t need to find the right sufficiently eloquent words to persuade a man that he’s responsible for not hurting others and ensuring his little child is safe.

He really didn't give a shit that he broke his toddler's arm! The fact that he didn't do it on purpose doesn't absolve him from being a terrible and uncaring father.

He doesn't care enough about his wife and children to try and avoid these sorts of accidents so he isn't a safe person for OP or her children to live with.

His behaviour led to your toddler breaking an arm and he wasn't full of regret and remorse? He may not be doing it on purpose but if he doesn't really give a fuck that his very small child was seriously injured on his watch, he is not suitable husband and father material.

His reaction to his own carelessness and fuckwittedness is to absolve himself of blame rather than apologising profusely and making sure that it didn't happen again. He sounds absolutely horrible tbh.

I think it's a case of mind being elsewhere and being careless or just rushing.
My other half used to be like this, brain about 10 steps ahead and already onto the next task. So subconscious risk assessment doesn't happen, and incidents do happen.
You need to train your children to not rely on dad for safety planning!

It isn't deliberate, but it isn't accident in that "very hard to avoid" sense.

I'd say it is negligence. And negligence totally can be his fault.

I hate when people claim "it was an accident!" as if to absolve themselves of responsibility. He may not have deliberately hurt you but by continuing to act before thinking he is causing harm to you and DC. If he didn't start work on this and start taking responsibility for his decisions I'd be making alternative plans.

There are only two ways to deal with this:

• trust him as much as you would a stranger and don’t be in a situation where he could hurt you or the kids with his accidents
• if he’s sick or hurt himself, just ignore him and let him fend for himself.

What’s he like when you’re ill or in pain?

He knows he's prone to doing it, it continues to happen and he's says it's an accident therefore not his fault.
If he's not changing his behaviour it's now deliberate, imo.

Urgh this would massively give me the ick. I had an ex like this. Like a small child. Immediately going to "it wasn't my fault" rather than apologising and checking you're ok. Cares more about defending himself than whether he's hurt you.

Both DP and I are quite clumsy and could feasibily do something daft like this to one another but our reaction would be "omg I'm so sorry, are you ok?" not "it's not my fault if was an accident".

He's not being U to accidentally injure you doing something a bit daft because accidents do happen but I would be absolutely fuming about his reaction and I would tell him so.

Sounds like he's very clumsy/ poor spatial awareness?? He should obviously apologize but if he didn't do it on purpose, it's an accident?

Was he like this while you were both dating or is this something that developed after marriage? Personally I couldn't put up with it as I care about my safety and even more so of my children.

If he hurts someone else he usually suddenly starts saying it was an accident it couldn’t be helped. I’ve calmed down a bit now but he doesn’t say, are you alright he just says it’s an accident it’s not my fault sort of thing He may not have done it intentionally, but it’s still his fault. He still needs to apologise and make it clear that he regrets it happened. It being an accident doesn’t absolve him of the need to say sorry.

Whether it’s because he has some kind of dyspraxia that also prevents him from properly assessing danger levels, or he’s just a useless dickhead, he needs to be doing something about it. So that’s making a GP appointment to discuss his symptoms, or making himself stop when he’s about to carry an armload of stuff he’s likely to drop, or listening to you when you warn him about a danger he can’t see.

Does he understand what the consequences are for his behaviour if it carries on? That you sound like you’re reaching the end of your tether with him? That you can’t trust him to care for your children without him being supervised? That it’s only a matter of time until you’re thinking of him as another child who needs to be watched at all times? How can your marriage continue like that?

Posts like this make think the OP has communication issues in their relationship but seek validation here instead of fixing them.

Is it a "slam the boot down yourself " typw of car or press the button and the boot closes itself? If the first he must have seen you there.

Jesus. I have so many questions, but the first one is, are you OK? I wonder if this isn't abusive tbh. Even neglect is abuse and harming others only to go into defense instead of...I dunno, CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIOR, smack of a sort passive aggressive, plausible deniability thing