Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

Why not go too as a family? Either way it's no drama, at 2 your child won't know when it's birthday is so just have it when he gets back.

Who is he going with? If he has just announced to you that he's going without any discussion then he clearly has little regard for you, kids or your relationship. Seems like a selfish arse to me. And getting into debt for a football trip shows the caliber of the man. You need to take a good hard look at what's actually going on. You're not in a partnership. Why are you even with this prize specimen??

I was going to say yabu because you have separate finances and he can therefore spend his money on whatever he likes.

Then I read that he would be getting himself in debt to go. That's just wildly irresponsible in my view, and would probably affect your credit rating as well as his own. So I wouldn't tolerate that, personally.

Re the separate finances - I think that's fine but it sounds like you need to rejig things a bit so that you each pay into shared savings/holiday funds etc as well as the joint account for your day to day expenses.Then any leftover money can genuinely be spent on anything without it impacting on family plans.

me and husband going from Scotland as it may be a once in a lifetime experience . Lucky to have family childcare. We most likely won’t get match tickets but happy just to soak up the experience. So far we have paid 1300 for return flights to jfk from Manchester and £400 for 5 nights in a new jersey hotel. £100 for a one night hotel in Boston for night of the game (this is all for 2 adults). Still have to book a train for $30 each to get from new jersey to Boston.
so wondering why it’s 7k???

If he had the money, finances are separate and you have £7k to spend on something nice for you then fine. But it looks like that isn't the situation.

Why not spend a lot less money on a bigger TV or one of those projector screens and all watch together. Job done.

Time to book a holiday with your 2 yr old in the Maldives whilst he is away. So much cheaper thank his trip and you will have an amazing time - just do it. What's good for the goose 🪿 is good for the gander!

I mean, if you’re planning on doing life with a person it is wise to consider how they would respond if the very worst happened. And OP’s partner comes off as many things but reliable and sensible definitely aren’t among them. Selfishness is rarely a siloed thing. A person who is selfish tends to be generally selfish. Cancer diagnoses aside (!), I’m not sure I could see a future with someone who would court insolvency over a few football games. But it does take all sorts.

From wanting to go to a once in a generation football event to leaving her if she gets cancer in one fell swoop.

Nothing like a bit of good old fashioned hyperbole on Mumsnet.

Seperate money gosh split up tbh

Hardly anyone is going to get a ticket - less than an 8% allocation. Almost everyone going knows that and is going for the experience. For that reason the pp suggesting her goes for less nights over one game is probably pretty reasonable.

I would be re- evaluating the entire relationship. He’s made it clear that you and DD are not important, he has a shit attitude towards money, he thinks he can declare something without considering the impact on you. What’s the point of him exactly?

You have learnt that he does not have your back and is selfish. what happens if you hit hard times? If you or DD are seriously ill? Do you think you would be able to rely on him? The number of men who leave their partners if they get cancer is astronomical. I would never be able to see him in the same way again if he did this and I’d be getting my ducks in a row

My DP is refusing to go because of the politics (Fifa corruption and everything Trump related) and the sky-high prices, even tho' it is the first time in decades that Scotland has qualified. Lots on the Tartan Army Forum saying the same.

Sorry, what???

Honestly, I'd love to go myself, but a) 0 chance of actually getting tickets b) I don't like to travel at that time of year, too hot and expensive c) it's in the US which I don't want to visit for the foreseeable future. And although I could fund it from my own (separate) finances, there's other things we need to be spending that money on.

Op could always arrange a girls holiday or 2 over the time he's paying his up or figure out a way to go with him.

That's a great idea. Instead of being 7k (minimum - I live in Boston it will be more than that) in debt they can go 14k in debt.

It’s genuinely curious how many people seem to think that having ‘separate finances’ means that two people literally live in two vacuums and have no mutual obligations. The fact that OP’s partner has his own money doesn’t mean he’s off the hook for the wider household consequences of mismanaging that money, especially where there are kids involved. This really isn’t hard to grasp.

Having read your responses, I wouldn't be happy for my husband on 38k a year to get 7k in debt for a holiday.

Oh just read about the debt and the savings goals. No, getting into 7k of debt is ridiculous. Totally different if he has the money for it! But he doesn't. So no!! I retract my previous comment.

yeah I live in the greater Boston area - 5 miles from Boston. Cost of living is really high here. Good luck to him.

If you have separate money then presumably he's free to spend it on what he wants. If my DH really wanted to do something like that, and it was important to him then I'd want him to go. Just as if I really wanted to do something, I wouldn't expect my DH to try and stop me on the basis of money - especially if it's my own money not his.

Girl, hes going

Just refuse to pay for anything moving forwards, I guess

I dont really see the point in being in such a situation, is he a hands on dad?

I’d love to know how he plans to do 10 nights in Boston around then, plus flights, plus match tickets, all for 5k, speaking as someone who stays in hotels in Boston a lot… (I live a couple of hours drive north of it.)

Also Foxborough is a fucking nightmare to get to at the best of times.

Love the idea that he can get cheaper accommodation by looking at AirBnB etc. Ten days in Boston during the WC is going to be the bulk of £7k alone.

He's also extremely unlikely to get tickets, at least not for £500 each (lol)

Well that changes this, going into debt for such a trip is ridiculous, and the fact it will affect your family goals and family vacations etc is also unacceptable.

I don't know how much away you can have in saying no given you have separate finances but you are right to be upset.

Well that's his choice if he wants to pay it up. It will be an experience he will have forever.
If I had the financial ability I'd take my kids with me for the experience of a lifetime.
Though after 17 years of parenting without more than 1 sporadic night at a time off id deserve the break. Unfortunately for me my children's dad thinks a few hours a fortnight is parenting.
Op could always arrange a girls holiday or 2 over the time he's paying his up or figure out a way to go with him.