To tell friend how hurt I am...

Don’t give her back the £90.00 she paid for your birthday, if she can no longer go or says she has to drop out (which sounds likely) then it’s tough, unless you can give her her money back with no penalty to you.

If you booked the holiday see if you can remove her from the booking, the earlier you do it the less it will cost you. The Lead passenger will need to do it.

Very rude of her. Considering this was meant to be an apology dinner for the last time she flaked, I think it's pretty clear she doesn't respect your time or friendship. If there's something going on in her life it takes 2 mins to send a text. If she gets in touch and doesn't have a good excuse, just remember the old phrase "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me".

She will probably flake from the holiday now anyway so I doubt you need to worry.

You’re being far too needy. This friend is probably a nice lady but she’s not feeling your friendship the way you do. Just let it slide and mentally relegate her to the position of casual friend rather then best friend or very good friend.

I would be silently done with her. I wouldn’t bother to speak to her again because she knows what’s she’s done wrong.

What sbe said was perfectly frue. Most people have to save their own deposit

I think there's a middle ground though OP which is what I was thinking when I responded to you. At 3pm I would not have cancelled the table the way you have. By 5.30 I probably would have because noone wants to be stood up obviously.

I think it's really shit she's essentially ghosted you again. I'd not get in touch now until she contacts you and I think she'd need to have had a really serious crisis for me to continue a friendship after this. I'd give it a few days and then I'd be getting lashes done elsewhere and just letting it slide.

In terms of the group holiday, has she paid for her spot? Could anyone join and buy her out or could everyone cover her cost slightly to buy her out without one person taking a big hit? I'd leave this until closer to the time to decide on though when you have a fuller picture of what may or may not have happened tonight.

I honestly can't understand the reactions to your post. I hate flaky people because they make me feel shit and lose my time. As for you- she has shit on your Saturday. I would just fade away from this "friendship" tbh. Not worth the hassle.

OP, stop chasing her.
Its not good for you.
Real friends reciprocate effort and energy.
They are not flaky.
Get your lashes done elsewhere.
Take the holiday decision out of her hands.
Move on.

She's a plonker and I personally wouldn't want her at my or holiday. Who does that? Leaves you hanging for your birthday celebration - which she missed in the first place!

I'd wait for her to contact me, listen to whatever bullshit excuse she's got and unless it was actually a good excuse, say that it really isn't good enough.

I wouldn’t bother with her again.

I am shocked at some of these responses, of course you are not going to get dolled up and travel to a restaurant and sit and wait for a flakey friend who won’t respond to your calls. I would be fuming OP. Unless she is in hospital, dead or lost her phone this would take some explaining.

I'm with you OP, if you make plans with someone, it's normal to be communicative and confirm that you're still going rather than leaving others guessing. I don't think this is your ASD at all, I think you've done what any normal person would do and clearly you were right to do it as she hasn't bothered to contact you.

I know you have future plans with this person, but if I were you, I'd knock this friendship on the head. It's not worth the brain power having to maintain it.

a large number of posters on MN go off on weird tangents or focus on tiny minutiae rather than the main picture - if you hadn't mentioned the whole cancelling the table aspect and just posted at 6pm, giving the background then 'AIBU to be annoyed she's clearly stood me up and hasn't even bothered to tell me,' then I can't imagine anyone with a brain would have voted anything other than YANBU.

I'd cut your losses with her. If you've got enough friends to have a birthday night out (and pay £90 per person to do so!) AND go on a group holiday, you're not so desperate for friendship to beg for this flake's attention. For all she knows you ARE sitting in the restaurant dolled up, which would be bad enough for a normal meet up but given it's supposed to be ) for your big birthday and b) an apology from her for missing the previous event, it's really shit.

You need to get some self respect and cut her off. She's telling you what your friendship means to her, which is fuck all, not even the ten seconds to compose a whatsapp saying 'So sorry, I can't make it tonight.'

So, did you ever hear from her OP?

Sorry to read she’s not responded yet. It seems she’s not a great friend and your spidey senses must have been right!

Given she's not working it won't affect her will it.

She is not your friend. Having a coffee with your beautician does not mean you are friends. She doesn't realise that you can't read between the lines and she is flaky with everyone so there's no reason why she wouldn't also be flaky with you. If someone lets you down once give them one more chance. If they do it again just don't arrange anything with them again. Trust her behaviour not her words.

@OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends your friend is flaky and you're hard work.
If you have ASD you will understand by now what your triggers are and should be working on how to manage your responses rather than complaining on MN.
I have major ND fatigue I'm afraid - every other poster seems to claim it for themselves or their children. Unless support needs are high just to function day to day it's lost all currency for me as an excuse now.

I don't want to lose one of the few friendships I have.

? you said you had a big group out celebrating your birthday. Focus on them, ditch the flake! Raise the bar! Curate your social circle :)