To tell friend how hurt I am...

I think this was shitty of her. For me, once I’ve got to the stage where I’m expecting someone to let me down, it’s kind of done. You wrote the OP because you already knew she was going to do that today before she actually did, and you were right. She’s welcome to have giant nights and flake on plans (or totally stand you up, which is what ACTUALLY happened) but it’s a totally reasonable response to just withdraw from the friendship now, at least until she gets her shit together a bit. You're allowed to have feelings. I’d be like “Look I get it, but it didn’t feel great. Let’s catch up in a couple of weeks.” Sorry this happened to you.

I'd get out of the birthday holiday offer now as it's unlikely to go well and take all suggestions to meet up from her with a massive pinch of salt in the future - they may or may not happen, but I would not hold my breath.

She's unreliable as a friend. Whatever she says, I'd trust her actions more than words.

Is she a coke head by any chance? They always flake out if they get a “better offer” ie. the chance to take some more coke.

You have messages early and got annoyed when she didnt reply. She maybe wasn't up or was busy with children. You have been unreasonable in cancelling . however, it maybe that she's not keen to meet.

I suspect you’ll not hear from her again when you cancel your appointment.
even if it costs you it’s worth changing the holiday. She won’t come anyway!
you did totally the right thing here! It’s shit of her to waste a friends time like this.

She doesn't want to fall out, but she can't actually be arsed to be a friend. She's not worth the energy ie. match her energy and don't bother responding.

Do take her off the holiday. If she came it would set you on edge and you'd be wondering what half hearted thing she'd do next. Make space in your life for a better friend.

Her text apology today is fake, she's fake. If you fall into another trap of trusting her word that she was too hungover yesterday to reply blah blah, you're setting yourself up for more hurt and basically sending out the message that you're happy to be treated like shit. Pick yourself up off the floor and move forward without her in your life. If you continuously allow yourself to be treated like a doormat your self esteem will take the hit.

Honestly, I'd say nothing.

Ignore.

Its not great OP but you already know she is flaky, so I think your choice is to accept her for who she is and accept that this might happen when you make plans, or choose not to accept it and just let the friendship drift.

I wouldn’t reply, just book your lashes elsewhere & take her off the hoilday. Shes no friend op.

OP is getting a bit of a hard time here.

@OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends you’re not being unreasonable: your friend was being a shit friend

not the case here though is it? The friend blanked her till today!

@patooties
I can't see that that is what has happened here...unless you're the OP's friend and know more about this than we do.

It's normal to discuss plans beforehand and confirm on the day. That's what the OP did. What are you reading that I am not?

She’s sent you another text saying she’s so sorry because she knows she’s let you down hugely yet again!
Once for your birthday was annoying but a second time to make up for missing your birthday bash? Absolutely not!
I’d be tempted to tell her to fuck off but it’s probably wiser to just ignore her and move on. Oh and don’t give her any more of your business. Go somewhere else! I wonder if she’s as flaky with clients as she is with her ‘friends’?

Yeah - I read maybe the first 10 - they were not taking on board what people were saying re the unnecessary drama. I genuinely love my friend - but when the pestering starts - days in advance - about what time / where / what we are wearing etc I just think ‘ffs you’ve drained the joy I had to see you by this ‘locking in’ (we all know that’s what it is)

Can you replace her in the holiday? She's not a close friend and doesn't deserve to be there.

I have a friend who does this. I really genuinely love her - but I don’t need hourly updates in the run up to to seeing her. It makes me not want to see her.
if I say I’ll be there I’m there - I don’t need harassing / stalking in the run up.

Good post @DrinkFeckArseBrick

You've had some bizarre harsh responses on this thread and lots of annoying ones from people who haven't read your responses. Also some really horrible messages effectively blaming you for over reacting due to neuro diversity.

In my opinion:

• most people would be really upset with someone continually not turning up on the day of meeting and not messaging until the day after. It's really rude
• given her past form (even without the benefit of hindsight) you did the right thing cancelling the table. I wouldn't go and sit in a restaurant when all the signs were that I was most likely going to be ditched there. And I'd have wanted to give them a few hours notice so they had more chance of re-booking the table
• yes she will be busy working as a single mum. But in this case you knew she wasn't working and didn't have her child and in any case, no one (outside cases of genuine emergencies) is too busy to message to say they aren't attending something they've agreed to. If she is genuinely so busy that she regularly can't text, she should probably not commit to specific arrangements
• posters telling you that you're nasty for not being worried that someone awful has happened to her / checking in on her are batshit. If she always turned up and a communication black out was completely out of character then I'd agree. But she has a history of flaking! She is just a flake not someone who has had some kind of emergency

Saying all that I do think you need to reframe this. She won't change. She will continue to flake. It's up to you what you do - you can either drop her because it's not nice being stood up (which is fine, a lot of people drop friends like this). Or put up with it as you know what she is like, take her friendship for what it is and arrange to see her for things that you would do anyway and don't put you out if she doesn't turn up (eg I'm going here (anyway), do you want to join me)

I’m glad to hear that. Concentrate on spending time with those you love and trust and who do the same for you x