Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

If I remember correctly the “dh” doesn’t want to get married again at all. To protect his older daughter’s interests as well as his younger children.

If you notice he was only a partner not a fiancé or husband on her last thread earlier this year.

Again even on this undernames last thread. He spent over 60k to put an extension on the house for his child. Not we had an extension on our home.

He and his ex are wealthy though the ex is even wealthier.

Might have been this op or another with rather similar circumstances as well where the man’s family wasn’t too keep on the “baggage” either and warned him to be financially savvy.

Oh I hadn't realised she had other threads under a different name. Does this explain whether they are married or not as there seems to be confusion.

We had a rule that the bedrooms here including my sd were never given to guests it was their rooms, what we did was give our bed to guests and take the room that was empty, often on a blow up bed.
mum in your room you and dh in sd room, if she’s there she goes in with the toddler.

TBF I think you are projecting somewhat here. Leaving your husband worked out well for you and you assume it would likewise work out for the OP. Perhaps it would but there is no way of knowing and we don't have enough information about their relationship to tell. In general it seems that OP is very happy with her husband and their relationship. It's just her SD that she has an issue with. She claims to like her and perhaps she does because the SD is apparently very like her father, but it seems clear there is also resentment that (a) her SD won't confirm to the OP's expectations of how their family should be and (b) that she's supported in this by her father.

We also don't know if the husband wants to retain control in general or whether he is jus completely adamant on how his daughter is to be treated.

Under this username, but she’s had more than one. Or there’s someone else with a situation that’s identical down to the extension.

I don't think step-parents ever can be full partners in one sense - they always bring someone to the relationship they have a duty to prioritise. And that means things are never perfect, but you can work together if you sort out boundaries and priorities.

Not every child would want her own room private in this situation and not every parent would agree it, but since that's where they are, OP would be better off taking that as read and working with her partner on other solutions.

Her father had it built specifically for her exclusive use. It’s not a guest room. OP has always been aware of this.

Considering this, and that it’s been a source of resentment and conflict since he had it built, there’s no way she didn’t know that trying to use it as a guest room would create problems. Especially when she doesn’t even know that her stepdaughter won’t be using it.

He wants to retain control of his DD's situation, which is fair enough.

I can't work out whether he and OP are married or not. But it is okay for him to ring fence time and assets for his daughter. I can't see anything else in the posts about him being controlling or keeping OP short of money etc.

She has one previous thread. We don’t know that they don’t have a joint mortgage, don’t know any of their wealth, don’t know what lifestyle she could provide to her daughter if they separated.

She’s still potentially living with her mother for a good chunk of the year, their terms are very short and maybe she’s home for weekends too. I do respect him for making sure she has a nice comfortable space thats hers for when she’s there but just think it’s unnecessary that no one else ever stays in the room. Like one of the other posters said, it’s like he’s running to completely separate families in one house, the OP can never be a true partner with him in such a situation

It depends, yes it would be silly if it’s a case of the OP just being frustrated that her DSD isn’t as keen on socialising with the rest of the family if she’d like, then yes that’s a bit unreasonable and unfair to expect. However the whole set up with the DP just doesn’t sound right, he doesn’t sound like he actually wants a genuine life partnership with her, he wants to retain control. Therefore the sooner she establishes herself on her own the better

She’s at boarding school it’s not like she’s living with mum 98% of the time and tbh even if she was she should still have private space at her dads.

Thankfully her dad loves and respects her enough to make sure she has a nice comfortable room that is purely hers rather than his girlfriends guests room for her mother.

It absolutely is her private space (especially as she is at boarding school where she may well share a room)

She's at boarding school, so that wouldn't be a private space for her. Either her family respect her privacy in houses she doesn't spend much time in, or she gets no private space.

It’s hardly her private space if she’s there twice a month.

Yes I think a good father but not a good partner is a good summary, well I suppose the silver lining is he will hopefully always be there for the DC they have together at least. I tell my daughters if you do one thing in life pick a decent dad for your children so at least she’s done that

Because she doesn’t have the picture perfect she wants a so is going to keep trying to chip away and away at it till she destroys her relationship or in her mind gets her goal of this insta blended family.

Shes more likely to find her self a single mother to three with two of her children having it all however.

Mother can get a hotel or bnb nearby.
All this pressure to put her up is ridicules.
I’m a mum with adult kids and I would not want to be staying in a child’s room

Her previous threads. He isn’t relatively wealthy, he and his family are just wealthy. Same as his ex. OP isn’t.

But again, why? Why can't the OP simply accept the situation as it is? Would you seriously deprive the younger two children of a loving father in their lives on a daily basis just because SD doesn't want to consider OP's mother as her granny or her daughter as her sister? No one is being mistreated. On the OP's previous thread, her own mother and sister thought she needed to accept the situation. I would be interested to know if they care about this blending of families as much as OP does.

Oh yes Im on the step daughter and father’s side here.

Op just wanted her step daughter though really she is just her boyfriend’s daughter to slot into the life she wanted. No ring, no name on the deeds… Ops picked a good father but the wrong partner.

Well, you would think. Just as you would think she wouldn’t have progressed a relationship with a man that she knew from the beginning was never going to give her the blended family she wanted, and yet here we are.

She’s been advised to do just that on every thread. She doesn’t want to separate.

Ah, ok :-)

My point was that the PP said “child was dictating to parents” but ignoring that the “on site” parent agrees with DSD!

How do you know all of this, my ex was relatively wealthy but I had a much better lifestyle once we separated, I had my own secure tenancy on a lovely house (he could of chucked us out of his house at any time), I was in debt while I was with him but even on benefits I was able to pay that off, despite being a single mother of 3 I was quite financially comfortable and able to return to uni to establish my career (due to his income I hadn’t been eligible for any childcare support to do so while I’d been with him) Once I was working I was even better off, had nice car and holidays and things I would of never been able to afford whilst with him as he had his salary which he paid all
the bills and food shopping with and I only had the child benefit which I also had to buy the children’s clothes etc with.
Ironically I was better off then than I am even now with my DH and he’s a higher earner and everything goes into a joint account and I’m earning a decent salary too, but that’s another story about this countries sky high taxes and mortgage rates that doesn’t leave much left after maintenance payments have gone out

Pretty sure just the dad owns the house not op.