Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

If she's there, yes bring baby in with you. If stepdaughter not there then that's a piss take and its your house and you and h decide what happens with the bedrooms not a 14 year old.

Because this is bigger than the bedroom.

The op wants her step child to feel and act and behave like a sister to her child. She doesn’t want to.

The op wants the step daughter to be and feel closer to her and her family. She doesn’t want to.

The op is just using the bedroom as another thing to try and get her way. Her mother lives less than an hour away she doesn’t need to sleep over at all. Her partner has offered to get her to and from her house for Christmas Day itself. But that’s not good enough for the op.

Heavens to Betsy, it has nothing to do with loathing grandparents!

ETA most suggestions made on the thread involve OP’s mum getting a bed, just not the DSD’s bed.

Steam roller? She’d like to have her mum stay for a few days over Christmas. There’s potentially an empty room. But this dad who’s so great with his other children and the OP’s DD would rather disrupt all of them than have his eldest’s empty room used.

This thread really rams home how much many MNers loathe grandparents.

How is he forgetting her? She lives with him and has her own room. The OP says he treats her well. She lives with him 24/7 while his own daughter only sees him a few times a month and at holidays.

He is 50% responsible for his shared children yes and he seems to look after and support them. They go for trips with their dad and older half sister and do things to create the strong bond together.

Ops daughter lives with her half siblings full time so gets that daily bond and little in jokes and stuff.

He is only responsible for three children and she is responsible for three children. Only two overlap.

He seems to provide a nice house big enough for them all and op seems to have zero complaints about the fact she cannot steam roll him and his older daughter to fit into the family she wants them to be. She has no regard for their feelings.

He isn’t forgetting it. OP’s DD also has her own room.

He seems to be forgetting that the OP’s DD is also a sibling of his two younger children who are was 50% responsible for bringing into the world. He is 50% responsible for this unblended family.

I don't know that it is fair to say he favours her over their other children. He clearly is a loving father and he does his best to promote a close relationship between the SD and the two younger kids (the SD is also apparently besotted with them and eagerly seeks out a closer relationship). She is not rude or unpleasant to anyone and the husband is very kind and generous to his own SD. But the SD doesn't see the OP's eldest daughter as a sibling and she doesn't want a close relationship with OP's extended family. She has two sets of close and loving grandparents on either side plus extended family members. It seems pretty reasonable to me that she doesn't want to bond with OP's family. She's friendly and polite and surely that's enough. Her father agrees.

But he’s always going to favour his oldest DD over his other children, clearly.

I agree she should leave.

I think his a great dad. Not good partner.

But she’s hitched her wagon to him and added two more children to the non blend.

He takes his children away and to events. He will attend ops families events but his older child doesn’t need to attend and they both him and his daughter think the invite to her sisters wedding was weird. That’s what they both think of blending.

I can only imagine a nice lifestyle is what makes it worth it for op.

The room exists but it is not available for her guests to use. It's her SD's bedroom, end of story.

I don't understand what people cannot comprehend here. It doesn't matter how crazy you think the situation is. It isn't going to change. The OP's husband made this very clear to her, seemingly repeatedly, but she will not accept it. The room is for his daughter's exclusive use.

If the OP can't tolerate it then she can leave, as many other posters have recommended, because this won't change. Though to me it's foolish to deprive her two younger children of a loving involved parents simply because she can't accept that her stepdaughter's bedroom is just that.

He’s a bit of a shit, then, isn’t he. I agree the OP is kidding herself that this is ever going to work out.

Just like she’s trying to gas light everyone in rl that she’s got a lovely blended family when she hasn’t.

The room is off limits. Her partner or husband depending on what she’s calling him on each given day made that perfectly clear when HE paid for it to be built. Just as his daughter has made it perfectly clear she has no interest in ops oldest child being her sibling.

The dad is perfectly happy with his two separate families in one house.

So she should gaslight herself into thinking a room in her home isn’t there?

Not really her home, then, is it?

OP herself, despite her clear resentment, admits the SD is a lovely polite girl with good manners.

And again have you missed that she may be there for Christmas?

It doesn't matter anyway because the room is simply not available. The OP should behave as though it doesn't exist.

Would you allow someone (unrelated to you) to sleep in your room if you might not be home?

Well the dh doesn’t want her in his daughters room. Thats really the end of it.

Maybe he doesn’t even want her there at all considering his offered other solutions. It’s not like she lives the other end of the country. It’s less than an hour away she doesn’t need to stay over night at all let alone for multiple nights.

Op feels entitled to his house and his daughters room. None of her children have to move rooms or give up theirs.

I wouldn’t move out of my room for the king himself let alone my dads girlfriend mother.

Or... girl at boarding school where she will not have her own space for many weeks of the year, actually has a guaranteed space at her dad's house, where she can keep her diary, notes from friends, anything else she wants, rather than give up her space to a woman she does not know.

@BettysRoasties- it’s Christmas and you’ve got adult guests.
I have friends who have teenage children who have en suite rooms. They know if people come to stay they are moved.
shes entitled and he’s enabling her to grow up to be an entitled madam.

The the OP can move baby back in with them. No big deal since this was the case until recently anyway. Or her eldest daughter can give up her own room. Or OP's husband can drive the grandmother home or pay for an Uber, as he has offered. Lots of options but the OP wants the only one that is not on the table.

I think it's actually kind of impressive how steadfastly he backs his daughter despite OP's obvious resentment. He's done his very best to ensure she has her own space in his home where she can feel secure.

And again, the room is not guaranteed to be empty at Christmas. The SD may well be there. But OP wants to plan to give away her room regardless.

And end of the day it doesn't matter if he's a selfish arsehole or not, it's his house, his daughter, his decision and the OP knows this but continues to strop about it when she knows it won't change.

At Christmas you move rooms. I remember having to give up my bedroom so my grandparents could sleep in it and I lived in the house every day of the year. If you watch home alone etc children move rooms to accommodate guests. I don't understand why sd gets to keep the room if she not there.

A dad who makes sure his child at boarding school has her own room for her use at any time she wants to visit is a selfish twat?

Nah his a bloody good dad respecting her privacy and making she she always has a room and bed at HIS house.

Op trying to insist on her mother who lives under an hour away can only possibly sleep in that room over the whole of Christmas when she doesn’t know if her step daughter will be staying is the more selfish twat as you put it.

Well I’m afraid her dad is a selfish twat!!