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Original poster

Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

735 replies

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:18

My 14 year old stepdaughter has an en-suite bedroom at our house which she uses maybe two or three nights a month.. This room is sacrosanct and DH won’t entertain conversations about it.

Essentially she will not allow my mother to use it over Christmas even if she isn’t here.

My sister is with her in-laws.

We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids. Or we travel for just under an hour to my mother’s, taking kids away from their presents and she will then feel the need to host us.

We still have no idea if stepdaughter is even going to be here.

All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

OP posts:
ThisLittlePony · 06/12/2025 16:01

Indeedcorrect · 06/12/2025 15:49

Plus there’s a back story with this op being pissed off with her SD. Unreasonably so

Show quote history

There is…. Where’s your own eldest dd? Are you still not allowing Dsd to spend time with her siblings without your dd?

AndSoFinally · 06/12/2025 15:59

You and DH sleep in step daughters room, she sleeps in with little ones if she comes, your mum sleeps in your room

Maybe she doesn’t like the idea of your mum using it but would be ok with you and DH? Have you even asked her, or will DH not even entertain that?

CheeseIsMyIdol · 06/12/2025 15:57

Have your mother on an air bed in with you and let your husband figure out his own solution.

Ghostsghoulsteenagers · 06/12/2025 15:57

Can you get the 3 year old into a single bed before Christmas so your mum can sleep there

and get a roll out bed for the 3 year old so she can join one of her siblings

Indeedcorrect · 06/12/2025 15:57

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:54

My stepdaughter is always welcome. She is very good company like her dad.

There isn’t a bed for my mother if she can’t use my stepdaughter’s unless my elder daughter sleeps downstairs or on a mat in with the younger two. I think it is so unfair when potentially there will be a bedroom going free,

Op I read your last thread about your SD

you clearly have a problem with her

move your baby in to SD room. Job done.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 06/12/2025 15:56

It’s customary for children to vacate their rooms for visitors. Why should she be any exception?

Original poster
Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:54

My stepdaughter is always welcome. She is very good company like her dad.

There isn’t a bed for my mother if she can’t use my stepdaughter’s unless my elder daughter sleeps downstairs or on a mat in with the younger two. I think it is so unfair when potentially there will be a bedroom going free,

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 06/12/2025 15:51

Cynic17 · 06/12/2025 15:35

Blimey, when I was 14 I had to surrender my bedroom to visiting grandparents and sleep in a sleeping bag on the dining room floor, including at Xmas. It wasn't a discussion - I was just told what was happening.

Why is a child being allowed to dictate what happens in her parents' house?

Same. Saying no wasn't an option. I remember one year my brother slept in the bath.

Lovelynames123 · 06/12/2025 15:50

On the face of it YANBU but I suspect there is a bigger picture.

My dsis is sleeping in my dd,'s (13) room tonight when she's at her dad's and I often stay in my nephew's bed. Perfectly normal IMO

Lavender14 · 06/12/2025 15:50

Personally I wouldn't be expecting my children to give up their room to host any guest. I think a step child's bedroom is of equal importance to a full time living there child's bedroom in that it's their safe space within your home. I'd give your mother your own bed and use an air mattress in the 3 yo room or put her up in a hotel or air bnb nearby. Especially since you don't know if sd is actually going to be there.

Indeedcorrect · 06/12/2025 15:49

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 06/12/2025 15:48

I put YANBU before I read your second post. Bring the baby in with you. No doubt your step daughter will be less keen to stay given how unwelcome you’ve made her feel when there is clearly another bedroom available for your mum.

Edited

Plus there’s a back story with this op being pissed off with her SD. Unreasonably so

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 06/12/2025 15:48

I put YANBU before I read your second post. Bring the baby in with you. No doubt your step daughter will be less keen to stay given how unwelcome you’ve made her feel when there is clearly another bedroom available for your mum.

Original poster
Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:47

I think stepdaughter would share with either or both of the younger ones only if she were there.

I would want my mum from Christmas Eve to the 27th.

OP posts:
Indeedcorrect · 06/12/2025 15:44

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:41

I wouldn’t want to move the baby. Both stepdaughter and three year old would be happy together but three year old has a toddler bed that my mother couldn’t fit in.

Oh buck up

move the baby

how long will your mother even be there for?

MightyDandelionEsq · 06/12/2025 15:43

I always remember having to give up my room for adult relatives on special occasions. I’d bunk in with my sibling.

I don’t see it as unreasonable.

Terrribletwos · 06/12/2025 15:42

Hufflebuffs · 06/12/2025 15:39

Excellent idea

Show quote history

But the DH is refusing to have his daughter's room be utilised under any circumstances?

Original poster
Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:41

I wouldn’t want to move the baby. Both stepdaughter and three year old would be happy together but three year old has a toddler bed that my mother couldn’t fit in.

OP posts:
Drivingmissrangey · 06/12/2025 15:40

Cynic17 · 06/12/2025 15:35

Blimey, when I was 14 I had to surrender my bedroom to visiting grandparents and sleep in a sleeping bag on the dining room floor, including at Xmas. It wasn't a discussion - I was just told what was happening.

Why is a child being allowed to dictate what happens in her parents' house?

Yes same. And people sleep all over the place at Christmas at my in laws even now.

Hufflebuffs · 06/12/2025 15:39

Hankunamatata · 06/12/2025 15:31

Put baby in Sd room in a travel cot

Excellent idea

Indeedcorrect · 06/12/2025 15:36

Hankunamatata · 06/12/2025 15:31

Put baby in Sd room in a travel cot

This

Cynic17 · 06/12/2025 15:35

Blimey, when I was 14 I had to surrender my bedroom to visiting grandparents and sleep in a sleeping bag on the dining room floor, including at Xmas. It wasn't a discussion - I was just told what was happening.

Why is a child being allowed to dictate what happens in her parents' house?

Hankunamatata · 06/12/2025 15:31

Put baby in Sd room in a travel cot

Balloonhearts · 06/12/2025 15:30

Bootskates · 06/12/2025 15:29

She hasn't said she isn't there, OP said she didn't know yet

Show quote history

If she's there then obviously the room will be in use already. If she isn't, I can't see the problem. She needs to confirm whether she is coming for Christmas.

Drivingmissrangey · 06/12/2025 15:29

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/12/2025 15:21

Who made him the boss? It’s presumably a house you both own. I’d tell him to stop thinking he and his daughter get to dictate this and inconvenience a handful of other people because she’s a princess and he’s a doormat. Fucking ridiculous.

Nailed it.

Bootskates · 06/12/2025 15:29

Balloonhearts · 06/12/2025 15:28

He's being ridiculous. Why should the child who is actually present give up their room for a guest rather than the child who isn't there? That's nuts. I'd happily let guests sleep in my room at my dad's when I wasn't there.

She hasn't said she isn't there, OP said she didn't know yet