Page 28 | Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

Balletbabe · 2025-12-06T15:18:29+00:00

My 14 year old stepdaughter has an en-suite bedroom at our house which she uses maybe two or three nights a month.. This room is sacrosanct and DH won’t entertain conversations about it. Essentially she will not allow my mother to use it over Christmas even if she isn’t here. My sister is with her in-laws. We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids. Or we travel for just under an hour to my mother’s, taking kids away from their presents and she will then feel the need to host us. We still have no idea if stepdaughter is even going to be here. All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

GreenSoapandSeeds · 06/12/2025 16:45

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:54

My stepdaughter is always welcome. She is very good company like her dad.

There isn’t a bed for my mother if she can’t use my stepdaughter’s unless my elder daughter sleeps downstairs or on a mat in with the younger two. I think it is so unfair when potentially there will be a bedroom going free,

So where will your mother sleep if SD stays, why is she only staying with her father a could of nights a month, and is your eldest daughter your husband’s child?

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:43

Terrribletwos · 06/12/2025 16:40

Not sure that really pertains to the question?

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EDIT: quoted wrong post.

Millytante · 06/12/2025 16:43

Balloonhearts · 06/12/2025 15:30

If she's there then obviously the room will be in use already. If she isn't, I can't see the problem. She needs to confirm whether she is coming for Christmas.

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That's the weird detail, I think. Why the hell isn't that clear yet? She’s 14, not 24. How many options could there be?

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:43

Terrribletwos · 06/12/2025 16:38

A different perspective but i find that so odd. Surely the daughter's room is not so sacrosanct that family can't share it when needed. In fact, I find it odd that SD and her Dad feels that way. Would you not be happy to share.

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Nope.

If OP is so desperate for her mum to stay for three days, she can give up her room.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 06/12/2025 16:41

No wonder there's a "housing crisis" when every child expects to have his or her own room, sacrosanct and inviolable even when unused.

Those "good old days when you could buy a house and raise a family on one income..." here's a newsflash: Every human didn't have its own bedroom, kids shared 2 or 3 to a room routinely. And they didn't rule over the bedroom assignments. When we were little and relatives stayed over after a party or event, we kids and teens ended up on blankets on the living room floor. It wasn't even a question!

Daytimetellyqueen · 06/12/2025 16:41

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/12/2025 15:21

Who made him the boss? It’s presumably a house you both own. I’d tell him to stop thinking he and his daughter get to dictate this and inconvenience a handful of other people because she’s a princess and he’s a doormat. Fucking ridiculous.

This?? He’s not the boss - take back control FFS!

Terrribletwos · 06/12/2025 16:40

DaisyChain505 · 06/12/2025 16:39

If you’re having a guest to stay at the house it makes sense and is common courtesy to give them the en suite room. It means the guest has more privacy and also isn’t fighting to use the family bathroom when you already have a house full.

Your step daughter might not even end up being at the house but if she is just set it up as a fun and exciting Christmas adventure that she’ll be having sleepovers with her siblings. Make it fun, let them have bedtime treats in bed with Christmas songs or a Christmas audiobook.

Not sure that really pertains to the question?

nightmarepickle2025 · 06/12/2025 16:40

most kids have to give up their rooms for adult relatives at Christmas surely

DaisyChain505 · 06/12/2025 16:39

If you’re having a guest to stay at the house it makes sense and is common courtesy to give them the en suite room. It means the guest has more privacy and also isn’t fighting to use the family bathroom when you already have a house full.

Your step daughter might not even end up being at the house but if she is just set it up as a fun and exciting Christmas adventure that she’ll be having sleepovers with her siblings. Make it fun, let them have bedtime treats in bed with Christmas songs or a Christmas audiobook.

Terrribletwos · 06/12/2025 16:38

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:33

Way to totally destroy any relationship the OP has with her step-daughter

As a kid, I ALWAYS knew when someone had been in my room. You'll never be able to leave it exactly as she left it.

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A different perspective but i find that so odd. Surely the daughter's room is not so sacrosanct that family can't share it when needed. In fact, I find it odd that SD and her Dad feels that way. Would you not be happy to share.

ThisLittlePony · 06/12/2025 16:36

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:33

Way to totally destroy any relationship the OP has with her step-daughter

As a kid, I ALWAYS knew when someone had been in my room. You'll never be able to leave it exactly as she left it.

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Exactly. @Balletbabe where will your mum sleep if she comes and stays for Christmas? ia there going to be no option for dsd to stay at all then with her dad and siblings since your mums going to be there w
24-27?

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:33

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 06/12/2025 16:32

How will she know? Just use it.

Way to totally destroy any relationship the OP has with her step-daughter

As a kid, I ALWAYS knew when someone had been in my room. You'll never be able to leave it exactly as she left it.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 06/12/2025 16:32

How will she know? Just use it.

Ringarose · 06/12/2025 16:32

This is silly, we have a blended family and we use my DC, DSC and our DCs rooms when necessary for guests. Now DSC are older teenagers and not staying every week, their room is a multi purpose room. They still have there own drawers and ensure comfortable and private for them when they come and stay but otherwise is used for whatever it’s needed for, they’ve never had a problem with this

ferntwist · 06/12/2025 16:30

If she’s not there it seems madness not to use her room. Blows my mind in fact. What would your mum do, contaminate the room? But then I never grew up with multiple bedrooms

Terrribletwos · 06/12/2025 16:29

SamPoodle123 · 06/12/2025 16:24

How odd and selfish. If she is not using the room and it is for family, she should allow it. In fact, it should not even be questioned. You are the adult here, not her and you/your husbands foot the bills. Your husband is an idiot I think for siding w his dd on this. We free up whatever room suits best when family arrives, including our own for the in laws since they are too old to walk up too many flights of stairs.....

Totally agree with this.
But the partner is refusing as is the daughter...ridiculous!

sanityisamyth · 06/12/2025 16:28

Twasasurprise · 06/12/2025 15:24

I'm with your DH. A teenagers room is their private space. It isn't a spare room.

It would be nice if she offered, but she didn't and it's not even for her own grandparent.

This.

Coconutter24 · 06/12/2025 16:27

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:47

I think stepdaughter would share with either or both of the younger ones only if she were there.

I would want my mum from Christmas Eve to the 27th.

Does your DH want your mum to stay for that long?

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:26

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 16:18

I have no problem with my stepdaughter. As young as she is, she is intelligent, witty and good company and one of the best cooks that I know.

In spite of my last post I have never stopped my stepdaughter having a relationship on her own with any of my kids. I objected at Easter to my family being split up.

She doesn’t want anyone in her room even if she is not here. My DH is entirely on her side.

She has excellent manners and if their paths cross will greet my mum, sister and cousins with a kiss on both cheeks. Yet won’t allow a 70 year old in a potentially unused room. Totally supported by her dad.

Good for her. It's her room.

If you want your mum to stay, why don't you give up your room?

SamPoodle123 · 06/12/2025 16:24

How odd and selfish. If she is not using the room and it is for family, she should allow it. In fact, it should not even be questioned. You are the adult here, not her and you/your husbands foot the bills. Your husband is an idiot I think for siding w his dd on this. We free up whatever room suits best when family arrives, including our own for the in laws since they are too old to walk up too many flights of stairs.....

Indeedcorrect · 06/12/2025 16:19

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 16:18

I have no problem with my stepdaughter. As young as she is, she is intelligent, witty and good company and one of the best cooks that I know.

In spite of my last post I have never stopped my stepdaughter having a relationship on her own with any of my kids. I objected at Easter to my family being split up.

She doesn’t want anyone in her room even if she is not here. My DH is entirely on her side.

She has excellent manners and if their paths cross will greet my mum, sister and cousins with a kiss on both cheeks. Yet won’t allow a 70 year old in a potentially unused room. Totally supported by her dad.

be honest

you haven’t suggested her half baby sister move in, have you? Why? Because you don’t want to move the baby

Original poster

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 16:18

I have no problem with my stepdaughter. As young as she is, she is intelligent, witty and good company and one of the best cooks that I know.

In spite of my last post I have never stopped my stepdaughter having a relationship on her own with any of my kids. I objected at Easter to my family being split up.

She doesn’t want anyone in her room even if she is not here. My DH is entirely on her side.

She has excellent manners and if their paths cross will greet my mum, sister and cousins with a kiss on both cheeks. Yet won’t allow a 70 year old in a potentially unused room. Totally supported by her dad.

OP posts:

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 06/12/2025 16:18

I think you are being completely unreasonable. From Christmas Eve to 27th, I’d have thought it very likely your SD will be around for at least one of those days - and needs to feel she is welcome any time ( which you say but I am not sure you really mean).
Sounds like best plan is for your elder daughter to give up her bed - she could even sleep on a blow up in the same room as your Mum - otherwise in with the other little ones or downstairs. Or use DH’s suggestion.
As at least one other poster has said, it seems you are looking for ways to cast your SD in a bad light when your relationship is probably fragile already. It’s nearly Christmas - be nice.

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:15

YABVU. It's her room - not a guest room.

Diarygirlqueen · 06/12/2025 16:03

OP you clearly have a problem with this child, I'm glad her dad has her back.
There are solutions above, use them and dont make a bigger issue with your sd.