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Original poster

Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

735 replies

Balletbabe · 06/12/2025 15:18

My 14 year old stepdaughter has an en-suite bedroom at our house which she uses maybe two or three nights a month.. This room is sacrosanct and DH won’t entertain conversations about it.

Essentially she will not allow my mother to use it over Christmas even if she isn’t here.

My sister is with her in-laws.

We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids. Or we travel for just under an hour to my mother’s, taking kids away from their presents and she will then feel the need to host us.

We still have no idea if stepdaughter is even going to be here.

All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

OP posts:
mydogisthebest · 06/12/2025 17:04

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 17:00

No, I would just prioritise a teenager over a baby who can sleep in with its' parents Confused

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Why? OP's mum should have the room. It has an ensuite and just makes sense. Spoilt teenager will just have to deal with it.

Allthings · 06/12/2025 17:03

It has always tended to be normal practice for children to give you their rooms for visitors and most would be happy to do so.

I can understand not wanting others in the household to use SD’s room when she is not there ordinarily, but I think over Christmas normal protocol or rules don’t apply. Not having your husband on side is not helping, as is not knowing if DS will be coming. In a lot of ways it would be easier for DH and OP to use SD room and then juggle things around from there in the easiest way possible.

Statsquestion1 · 06/12/2025 17:03

Cynic17 · 06/12/2025 15:35

Blimey, when I was 14 I had to surrender my bedroom to visiting grandparents and sleep in a sleeping bag on the dining room floor, including at Xmas. It wasn't a discussion - I was just told what was happening.

Why is a child being allowed to dictate what happens in her parents' house?

That doesn’t make it right. @Balletbabe its her room. I’m team dh.

KarminaBurana · 06/12/2025 17:02

Balloonhearts · 06/12/2025 15:28

He's being ridiculous. Why should the child who is actually present give up their room for a guest rather than the child who isn't there? That's nuts. I'd happily let guests sleep in my room at my dad's when I wasn't there.

This. It's ludicrous. Maybe your DH has some Dad guilt about what's happened in the past?
Just give your mum her room.

Itiswhysofew · 06/12/2025 17:00

I think they should accommodate your mum. I can understand their refusal of anyone else. Isn't it just what happens when people come to stay?

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 17:00

mydogisthebest · 06/12/2025 16:58

Oh for goodness sake. Of course she should give up the room. It's NOT her house so the little madam does not get to dictate.

I guess you give in to your childrens' demands - more fool you

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No, I would just prioritise a teenager over a baby who can sleep in with its' parents Confused

mydogisthebest · 06/12/2025 16:59

nightmarepickle2025 · 06/12/2025 16:40

most kids have to give up their rooms for adult relatives at Christmas surely

Not spolit little madams obviously

Grumpynan · 06/12/2025 16:58

Well if it sacred to him and his dd, he sleeps in there and your mum with you.

mum and I would share a bedroom if need be, she slept in my bed and I used a blow up one, though often fell asleep curled up next to her, great fun even as adults, whispering into the night sharing a box of chocolates and a nice drink. Special times I look back on with fond memories

mydogisthebest · 06/12/2025 16:58

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:15

YABVU. It's her room - not a guest room.

Oh for goodness sake. Of course she should give up the room. It's NOT her house so the little madam does not get to dictate.

I guess you give in to your childrens' demands - more fool you

CherrieTomaties · 06/12/2025 16:58

She doesn’t want anyone in her room even if she is not here. My DH is entirely on her side.

Good on your husband! As he should. That is his daughters private space where her possessions are.

This is why you shouldn’t invite guests (family or not) to stay over in your home when you don’t have a designated ‘guest room’ or actual ‘spare room’.

justasking111 · 06/12/2025 16:57

Winterwonderwhy · 06/12/2025 16:50

What an idiotic suggestion. So the child who isn’t even going to be there has the world revolving around her and the parents should sleep in the lounge ? Madness

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Well if the daughter doesn't turn up DH can have her room.

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:55

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 06/12/2025 16:54

The one that's probably not even going to be there!

a bedroom with an ensuite sitting empty while everyone else gets moved around. Come on, don't be daft!

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It's not daft. Move the baby who doesn't care where it sleeps, not the teenager who does!

justasking111 · 06/12/2025 16:55

ProudPearl · 06/12/2025 15:28

Why don't you and your DH sleep on a blow up bed in the lounge and give your mother your room? Or DH on the sofa and you share with your mum? Why is it only your stepdaughter who can give up her room?

That's a really good idea

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 06/12/2025 16:54

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:50

I think the issue here is that it's only the step-daughter being asked to give up her room, not any of the OP's three biological children.

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The one that's probably not even going to be there!

a bedroom with an ensuite sitting empty while everyone else gets moved around. Come on, don't be daft!

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:53

Winterwonderwhy · 06/12/2025 16:50

What an idiotic suggestion. So the child who isn’t even going to be there has the world revolving around her and the parents should sleep in the lounge ? Madness

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OP doesn't know she's not going to be there.

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 06/12/2025 16:53

Winterwonderwhy · 06/12/2025 16:50

What an idiotic suggestion. So the child who isn’t even going to be there has the world revolving around her and the parents should sleep in the lounge ? Madness

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Exactly!!

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 06/12/2025 16:52

We used to have 8 adults & 5 kids (at least) sleeping over on Christmas Eve & night when I was a kid (in a 3bdrm tce). Good old days!!

dontmalbeconme · 06/12/2025 16:52

Just put the baby in a travel cot in your room. Sleeps going to disturbed over the exciting Christmas period anyway. Or, if you don't like that option, give up your own room to host your guest. Presumably SD will be staying for some of the Christmas period anyway.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 06/12/2025 16:51

Take baby into your room

ThisLittlePony · 06/12/2025 16:50

GreenSoapandSeeds · 06/12/2025 16:45

So where will your mother sleep if SD stays, why is she only staying with her father a could of nights a month, and is your eldest daughter your husband’s child?

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Ops own eldest is same age as the dsd. Why not put the 2 14yo girls in the en-suite room/your daughters room rather than 1 of them sharing with their toddler sister?

Winterwonderwhy · 06/12/2025 16:50

ProudPearl · 06/12/2025 15:28

Why don't you and your DH sleep on a blow up bed in the lounge and give your mother your room? Or DH on the sofa and you share with your mum? Why is it only your stepdaughter who can give up her room?

What an idiotic suggestion. So the child who isn’t even going to be there has the world revolving around her and the parents should sleep in the lounge ? Madness

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:50

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 06/12/2025 16:47

This

i dog sit for my friend, I use her SD room
& ensuite. Friend puts clean sheets on for my arrival, I put clean sheets on before I leave. I leave the ensuite as clean (or cleaner!!) than when I arrive.

(Teen) SD knows I stay in her room, but if she wasn't told she'd never know.

when I was a child we gave up our rooms are shared with siblings, my parents took our rooms & my grandparents had my parents room.

Nothing to do with 'step' simply what's practical.

why does DH, get to put his foot down in your joint home?

SD wouldn't be being asked, she'd be told. Step or bio.

Show quote history

I think the issue here is that it's only the step-daughter being asked to give up her room, not any of the OP's three biological children.

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 06/12/2025 16:47

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/12/2025 15:21

Who made him the boss? It’s presumably a house you both own. I’d tell him to stop thinking he and his daughter get to dictate this and inconvenience a handful of other people because she’s a princess and he’s a doormat. Fucking ridiculous.

This

i dog sit for my friend, I use her SD room
& ensuite. Friend puts clean sheets on for my arrival, I put clean sheets on before I leave. I leave the ensuite as clean (or cleaner!!) than when I arrive.

(Teen) SD knows I stay in her room, but if she wasn't told she'd never know.

when I was a child we gave up our rooms are shared with siblings, my parents took our rooms & my grandparents had my parents room.

Nothing to do with 'step' simply what's practical.

why does DH, get to put his foot down in your joint home?

SD wouldn't be being asked, she'd be told. Step or bio.

LizzieW1969 · 06/12/2025 16:45

CheeseIsMyIdol · 06/12/2025 16:41

No wonder there's a "housing crisis" when every child expects to have his or her own room, sacrosanct and inviolable even when unused.

Those "good old days when you could buy a house and raise a family on one income..." here's a newsflash: Every human didn't have its own bedroom, kids shared 2 or 3 to a room routinely. And they didn't rule over the bedroom assignments. When we were little and relatives stayed over after a party or event, we kids and teens ended up on blankets on the living room floor. It wasn't even a question!

^This. When I was a teenager, I had a lovely big room in the attic with a beautiful view of the North York Moors. But when we had adult guests, particularly my uncle at Christmas, I was always expected to vacate my bedroom and sleep in my DSis’s bedroom, which we’d shared previously. There was never any discussion about it.

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 16:45

DaisyChain505 · 06/12/2025 16:39

If you’re having a guest to stay at the house it makes sense and is common courtesy to give them the en suite room. It means the guest has more privacy and also isn’t fighting to use the family bathroom when you already have a house full.

Your step daughter might not even end up being at the house but if she is just set it up as a fun and exciting Christmas adventure that she’ll be having sleepovers with her siblings. Make it fun, let them have bedtime treats in bed with Christmas songs or a Christmas audiobook.

She's 14 - not four Confused

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