Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

It's HER room.

Of course she shouldn't be made to feel like it's the guest room and free to be used by guests as and when OP feels like it.

OP needs to realise that she doesn't have a guest room, and so shouldn't be inviting guests unless she's prepared to give up her own room.

You sound incredibly rude and ignorant as to how a 14 year old who barely ever sees her dad may feel about being kicked out of her room, when her step-siblings get to stay put.

I really hope you don't have any step-children.

She hasn't agreed to come yet, so it's all moot.

My grandparents aunts and uncles had my parents room. My parents had mine and I bunked in with my brothers. Didn't bother us as children because we enjoyed seeing relatives. Once we had an aunt and uncle with five children. Their children all slept in the dining room.

Poor kid already has to live between two houses. Of course she wants to have a little bit of control over her own space, rather than come back to a bed and bathroom that some lady she probably doesn’t feel particularly close to has slept and shat in.

Do all their rooms have ensuites? If not it makes much more sense for madam to give up her room.

Also they OBVIOUSLY use their rooms all the time whereas the step daughter uses her a couple of times a MONTH.

It's ridiculous for her not to give up her room

Crazy. My family always squashed and squeezed into each other's houses, with rooms being used by all as well as blowup beds.. I can understand her not wanting your mum in her room, I suppose, but then I think you and DH go into her room if she's not there and give your bed to your mum. The room simply can't sit free for Christmas imo!! Unreasonable.

Exactly. Do we know of a child who hasn't compromised like this? Plus, it doesn't affect her at all. She'll be in her bedroom in her main residence.

2 or 3 nights a month is not half the time is it? She is rarely there so does not get to dictate. It's not like she is being asked to give up her room regularly is it? Just for Christmas is not a big deal

No she isn't. Keep saying that she is says a lot about you, but it doesn't make this little girl a "spoilt madam" for wanting to have her own protected space in her Dad's home, just like her step siblings do.

Yabu. It’s her room, she shouldn’t have to have someone she’s not even related to sleep in her bed. Move your own children, it’s their granny.

Yes it’s double standards completely…sd is being asked but others aren’t

Time for your DD to be permanently allocated a smaller/different room if she’s going to be so precious about not let guests use it.

Part of family life is compromising when you have guests.

Then why aren't OP's "decent children" offering to give up THEIR rooms for their grandma? Presumably you think they're spoilt madams to, by your own logic?

It's not a secure, permanent place if they still consider it the guest room. It literally sends her the message she's a guest in the guest room, not a member of the family with her own room if they expect to use it as a guest room whenever they choose to invite guests.

Because there isn't a spare room for her to stay in, that's why, and OP is unwilling to make her own three children make any sacrifices for their grandma - it's only "the stepdaughter" that has to do that.

She is a spoilt little madam. She should be told she is giving up her room. Any decent child would offer anyway.

Don't be stupid. Many people have to swap rooms around in order for guests to stay.

OP's mum may only live an hour away but why should she not stay? A lot of people that go somewhere for Christmas stay a couple of nights at least.

She has a secure, permanent place. However, she's not there when OP's mum is, so the mum should sleep there. I genuinely don't know why it's a problem? Surely most kids have to do that now and again?

But it is her home half of the time, therefore it’s her room.

My late teenagers have often had to give up their rooms at their dad’s house for staying relatives. They just accept it. Probably would
prefer not but understand that relatives visiting. From overseas for several days who are older can’t sleep on a blow up bed or sofa. Now they are older and drive in those circumstances would often choose to drive themselves back to this home (only 10
mins away). Also my stepson recently had to give up his room due to a party his mum was throwing and he got a taxi back here to stay.
I think it depends how you frame it. However if your husband is not on board (and the message does need to come from him) then it’s a Non starter. Maybe you could both use step daughters room and guests have your room. Would that be more acceptable to stay daughter? I think it sounds like there are some more issues afoot here with regards to stepdaughter and her comfort levels in your home.

Exactly this.

She's not a "spoilt madam", she's a little girl who doesn't get to live with her dad unlike the other children in the family, who needs to feel she has a secure, permanent place in the home as a member of the family, not a guest kipping in the guest room.

There's no good reason why the baby couldn't sleep in with Mum and Dad for a few days.

Because babies don't care which room they sleep in, teenagers do?

It doesn't make sense to me, but then I've never understood kicking kids out of their personal space just because you want guests over.

If she lived with you full time I wouldn't put up with her saying that. Everyone knows that the younger people give up their beds for older relatives. Why is her dad encouraging her to be so rude?

No. In many houses, you don't have guests if you can't accommodate them without playing musical bedrooms.

OP's mum only lives an hour away, she doesn't need to stay at all.