Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

His opinion is clearly considered irrelevant by some here,.even though he presumably is aware of the dynamics here and understands how his daughter feels.

I'd happily give up my room for my parents.

I wouldn't give it up for my step-mum's mother who only lived an hour away, especially when my step-mums' own children weren't expected to give up their rooms.

The teenager is getting a lot of hate here when the fact is her own father agrees with her, not just in a “it’s her room so it’s her say” way but from the point of view that he wouldn’t want someone sleeping in his bed either.

Is this view unacceptable when an adult holds it, or are only children and teenagers not allowed to have a view on whether they want other people sleeping in their bed?

I’m all for ensuring the DSC are made to feel welcome and an equal part of the family as my own older children are the DSC at their father’s house. However it’s a bit much to expect a room to be reserved for the the exclusive use of the DSC at a house they only stay at for a few nights a month. Obviously different if the parents are millionaires who live in a mansion. I’m sure the OP would be using her own DC room if they weren’t there for whatever reason. I had divorced parents and would not have minded.

If DH disagrees then tell him to sleep on the sofa so your Mum can sleep with you.

Out of interest - did you and your DD move into your DH's house? Does he mostly pay for it? I ask because I think it might have some bearing on the dynamic.

I think in general, if she is there, she shouldn't be asked to give up her room for someone on your side of the family.

If the dynamics were all happy, it shouldn't be an issue to use her room when she isn't there - but there are clearly a lot of issues here, based on your previous thread, all is not well. So in this case, it would make matters worse

If she’s not there, what’s the problem? Why isn’t anyone allowed to stay in her room? She sounds very selfish. She’s also manipulating your DH.

I had to go back and look up your previous thread, after seeing others reference it.

It really wasn't clear to me at all that you have a problem with your SD as some people are suggesting... I thought you sounded very reasonable, actually.

You'll always be slated on here just by virtue of being a stepmother, of course.

I’m with you OP

So? The woman is a guest of the home. Whether or not she is related by blood to the teenager is irrelevant. The girl can muster it up for a few days.

Or maybe they can stay in one of the vacant rooms in their own home.

Give your mother your room. Then you either share with her or both you and DH are on the lounge.

A starting point would be “everyone else in the family is actually related to the proposed guest but to “Miss Snowflake” she is mostly a stranger.”

I quite agree. And 14 year olds do not run the household

Ah so two girls same age different fathers. That's a bit different I guess

So everyone else in the family can vacate their space for visitors but not Miss Snowflake? Why on earth not?

Nope never. My bed is my bed in my room. It’s not a sofa for communal use it’s mine.

The king himself could come for a sleep over and it still wouldn’t be in my bed.

This.

Just because she is a child of a ‘broken home’ it doesn’t mean she’s soooo damaged and deprived that she gets to call the shots like this. Her father is being ridiculous. Where is the logic?

I’m not being obtuse. I came from a so called ‘broken home’ life situation myself. My every whim wasn’t pandered to because of it. I would’ve allowed an elderly lady to use my bedroom when I wasn’t there, despite not being related to her, even if I didn’t like the idea. From other posts it is clear that the dad has placed his eldest on a pedestal and pandered to her resentment, letting it grow.

Honestly, I’m sure her bedroom is her safe space but it is not going to emotionally harm her to allow someone else to stay in it for 3 days. Some resilience is needed here.

For everyone saying they wouldn't give their room up, really?? I would absolutely give my room up for my parents to stay. Surely it's much easier for the step daughter to move in to one of the other bedrooms for a couple of nights than two adults though. Yanbu at all

Op says her mums 70

Please leave the 14 year old girl alone. It is her room and should she want to see her dad over Christmas she needs a space too. She is part of your family.

It is not unreasonable to move the baby. They will recover the sleep.

We don't have a spare room so on the rare occasion relatives on DH's side have come over to visit from Australia, my son sleeps in the living room and he's never complained when I explained the situation. I wouldn't dream of letting visitors sleep on the sofa, on an inflatable bed in the garage or in the garden shed or wherever, its just not the done thing. Let alone for a 70 year old, your own mother!

It'll only be for a couple of nights anyway, SD will have to understand

I mean the post does seem out there but you have to admit old peoples houses do have a certain smell.

But maybe ops 70 old mum breaks science.

Do your daughters live in two different homes? If not, you could consider that there are dynamics at play here that you are not very familiar with.

My daughter has been very unsettled by the divorce; it is very hard for her to see her dad get involved with a new partner who she has to share him with and to have to Iive part-time in a house that doesn’t really feel like “home” any more.

It’s sad that you can’t understand that a child/tween might need to feel they have something solid and within their control in all this.