Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

She. Is. Not. Her. Grandmother.

The same-age actual grandchild is welcome to give her bed up though.

But the rooms aren't all equal. The children live in theirs 100 percent of the time. The stepdaughter a few days a month, and might not even be on the premises during 24-27 December. Yet the husband expects the room to sit empty like some sort of shrine, as though his daughter is elevated above the others.

She needs to be taught some resiliance and some consideration for others, ASAP.

@Balletbabe Stepdaughter’s mother’s family are not Christian culturally and are atheist/agnostic. Christmas is not resonant to them as it is to me. Stepdaughter however does have a belief.

This makes you sound utterly pathetic.

Anyone here to defend OP's eldest DD having to have a smaller room and no en suite while OP's H has insisted his daughter gets the best room despite barely staying in it? Seems ridiculous to me.

It's a fair payoff, is it not? You get the nicer room, en suite included... sometimes you might be expected to let a guest use it.

all 3 of my DC would give up a bed for their grandmother. Your DH is wrong to allow her room to sit empty.

She’s explained why this isn’t possible, unless you think it’s normal for an elderly lady to sleep in a toddler bed. And why make the children who are actually present move about when there’s an empty room! Utter madness.

Then OP's children can muck in for their granny, can't they?

Ha - yeah. You have a husband problem. She's daddy's little princess.

I'm not vilifying her in the slightest - I'm saying if she wants her mother to stay for three days, she should expect one of own three children to give up their rooms - rather than the only child who isn't actually related to the visitor in question.

We either put my daughter in with our youngest two, or bring baby back in with us. Either of these solutions would potentially lead to sleep regression for both the younger kids.

Christmas will very probably cause sleep regression anyway!

As do the clocks when they go forward/back and going on holiday too.

They manage to get over it.

Why does your SD have a nicer room than your eldest DD, btw? She seems to be getting a fair amount her own way.

Put a floor bed on the floor of your step daughters room for your elder daughter. Let your mother have your daughters room.

If your SD is there, they can have a sleepover. If she isn't there SUGGEST to your daughter she asks her SS if she can sleep in her bed.

Your mum doesn't need to go in SD's room. Her SS can.

I didn't say it would emotionally harm her. That doesn't mean her feelings and wishes should just be ignored, though.

OP's own children should give up their space for granny.

It would be lovely to have a house big enough for a guest room but not possible for everyone. Part of the fun for me and Xmas when my aunt and cousins were staying was all us kids cramming in together. I know SD won’t be there for that element but I never questioned my room being used for a guest. My children never mind their rooms being used - they understand that the alternative for a lot of my family would be costly hotels etc. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to use an empty bedroom for a guest at all!

Yes, it really is ridiculous. And illogical. She isn’t giving it up if she isn’t there. It will make no difference to her whatsoever. Pathetic attempts to try and vilify the op just for being a stepparent.

It is, however, her father’s mother-in-law. And this is his decision, not hers. As in, she’s a child who he is pandering to.

Families muck in together.

Meanwhile there is a double bed and en-suite with potentially no one in it. Utterly ridiculous.

No, it's not ridiculous. It's your 14 year old step-daughters' room and she shouldn't have to give it up for your mother who only lives down the road.

I had to go back and look up your previous thread, after seeing others reference it.

It really wasn't clear to me at all that you have a problem with your SD as some people are suggesting... I thought you sounded very reasonable, actually.

You'll always be slated on here just by virtue of being a stepmother, of course.

Was she living in the house before you @Balletbabe?

I don’t get this at all, it’s either her room or it’s not.

No way would I ask my kids if some unrelated adult could stay in their room while they’re at their dad’s place. If I wanted someone to stay that badly they can have my bed and I’ll sleep in my child’s bed.

I think the OP sees her daughter as a second tier family member whose room is kind of a “guest” bedroom.

It's very, very relevant. She is the only non-blood-relation and the only one being kicked out of her room.

Are OP's own children selfish too then? Because this is their grandmother, not the step-daughters'. Why aren't they giving up their rooms for granny?

Because everyone else in the family is related to the visitor...