Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

It's her HOME - she doesn't need to bloody "book to be there"

The OP’s children’s don’t have a double bed and en-suite at their disposal.

bangs head on wall

WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET. OP has said multiple times that DSD doesn't know where she'll be at Christmas. Maybe she wants the flexibility to choose to see her dad without worrying about where she'll be sleeping?

She’s not being forced out, she’s not even booked to be there

Does it make a difference that the health of one of her actual grandparents is the factor making a decision difficult?

You said it yourself in your old thread.

You're two separate families.

You don't make decisions over stepdaughter's room. Period.

You keep kicking off about her every holiday, your husband is going to get very tired of you making her an issue.

You deal with your mom without stepdaughter's space. It's not a guest room. Your husband spent 62000 to ensure she had her own space. You don't get to put your relative in there. She's made it clear she doesn't want anything to do with your relatives.

If it's "very very normal for children to vacate their bedroom for family", then OP's kids can vacate their bedrooms for their grandmother then, can't they? Problem solved!

It might not be sitting empty. OP has said several times that her step-daughter doesn't know what her plans are yet.

Your attitude and language towards this 14 year old are absolutely vile, btw. I don't think she's the "stunted" one here.

More fool you to have settled for so little, having more children with such a man.
Very very normal for children to vacate their bedroom for family.
You have a husband problem primarily.

Well that would foster family harmony, I would be mightily pissed off as the older DD being forced to give up my room to pander to a child who isn’t even there 🤷🏻‍♀️ sorry but no it’s not reasonable to keep the room just in case the DSC changes her mind and decides she now wants to stay during that period. We have the juggle over DC and family staying occasionally and we arrange the dates accordingly, all these suggestions of hugely inconveniencing everyone else to pussy foot around the DSC are ridiculous. Talk about teaching the poor girl to have a victim mentality

But the OP has stated that she doesn't even know that the sd will be there or not? Why are you saying the room will sit empty?
OP, what would you expect to happen if your sd does go to her dad's for Xmas? Would you still expect her to give up her room?

Actually that’s not confirmed. She may be. But certainly this haggling over the use of her room probably makes her feel less inclined to go.

Anyone saying this isn’t about relationships clearly doesn’t understand the challenges of blending families. It is ALL about putting the relationships first.

Giving as she might still stay i would leave dsd bedroom

The only answer here is your mum kips in with you and your H (who seems like the main problem here) sleeps on an airbed somewhere

But she's not going to be IN the space!!!

Nobody is saying she will be "harmed" by it.

They're saying it's grossly unfair to force the only non-biological relative out of their space when all the biological grandchildren get to stay put.

So what??? This has fuck-all to do with "bonds" and everything to do with making efficient use of space at Christmas. The idea that a room should sit empty because the teen will somehow be harmed by her father's MIL using her "personal space" for 2-3 nights is absolutely fucking batshit.

The husband sounds ... less than ideal ... too.

It doesn't bloody matter.

It's her bedroom and she doesn't want to give it up for her step-mums' mother, and why should she? She didn't ask for three additional siblings, or to only see her dad 2-3 days a month. That's on the adults.

The children who live in their rooms full-time and who are biologically related to the visitor should be the ones giving up their bedrooms. It's all in the nuance and so many people are wilfully ignoring that.

Because it's only the step-daughter who is being criticised, name-called and picked on for not giving up her room - that's why it's relevant.

It’s not just genetics, it’s relationships. The step daughter does not really know or have a bond with the grandmother in question whereas the other daughter does.

I didn't say she should sleep in a toddler bed but one of her own children is 13 - with a perfectly normal sized bed for granny to sleep in, while she either kips on the floor or shares with her sisters for a few nights.

It’s not a shrine, it’s her room! The one space in the house she should be able to have some say over!

And her dad probably wishes she stayed a lot more but the girl’s relationship with her step-mother is already pretty fraught and that no doubt contributes to the degree to which she feels comfortable there. Making her feel even less like a proper member of the family seems unlikely to do much to improve the relationship either.

Why is this even relevant? What do generics have to do with giving up an empty room for a couple of nights?

I think it's natural enough that she's a bit territorial about having a permanent space in the house where other children live with her father full time.

And fourteen is an age when children are learning to separate themselves from family authority, so they tend to value privacy more than most at that stage. The idea of a seventy year old staying in my bedroom with my things around her, able to look through them and judge, would have bothered me at that age. This is your relative, not hers.

If your younger children are sensitive to sleep regression I suspect Christmas will do a number on them anyway. I would say your husband is right in his position. You would do well to use one of the other solutions outlined here.

It must be hard for her to see your daughter living full time with her dad. There's resentment in you, you need to let it go or it'll build up and ruin any relationship you have with her.
People saying the room is empty, the sd hasn't decided not to go to her dad's yet, I wouldn't like my daughter giving up her room for a person she's not related to.

You can't take her room off her now and she has the backing of her dad, which I'm happy about, its great to see a dad stand by his previous family. Accept it and come up with other solutions, dont let it ruin Xmas.