Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

Don't force the issue unless you want to inflame tensions OP.

This is clearly a reaction relating to her place in the home and family, mixed with a teenager's need for privacy and boundaries.

Be the bigger person and move the baby. You said 'you don't want to,' but that's what being a parent and stepparent is about. Rise above the petty battles and it will pay off in the end.

Same! Wonder if these parents who say dc must book to come home, would be happy when they’re older and looking to stay with dc and grand dc and were told, nope no room at the inn, you haven’t booked early enough and we’d rather other people!

According to her last thread, her husband paid for the extension to the tune of 62k so SD would have her own room. Not a guest room. No sharing. Her room. Now OP wants her room to be a guest room and since SD doesn't care to blend with OP's relatives, what a way to push her out of her dad's home completely. Put her relatives into SD's room.

It does look like the dad sees what's going on and is not ok with it.

You mean your parents can’t ever have a guest to stay in that room?

Well, you do you. In my wider family everyone mucking in and bunking up to make way for guests is perfectly standard, as is a reasonable amount of respect for elders. Me and my sister did it for our granny, would never have occurred to us to have made a fuss, we loved our granny and loved it when she came to stay and we treated her like the queen, posh breakfast in bed and everything.

Same would happen when friends of our parents came to stay - no, we didn’t know them that well but it was always fun.

DH’s nephew has been turfed out of his room when we came to stay (first time we didn’t know this would happen) and we always leave a tenner on his bedside table as a thank you.

Yeah this is the thing - I think the DH has made his views very clear and so has the SD that they don't see this as a blended family but two separate families.

The OP might not like that - but she should have resolved that if so before getting married and having more kids

Wow. I'm glad my parents never behaved like that.

I've never needed to "book" to stay with my parents - my room is still my room even though I'm 36 and married! I stayed there last night, in fact.

As we remind our own children, this actually is our house, they are of course booked into stay 24/7 but e.g. my DD away at uni couldn’t come and just decide to randomly stay when we’ve got guests staying and she wouldn’t dream of demanding to do so. Obviously in exceptional circumstances she of course could. Just as when the DSC are booked to stay at ours it wouldn’t be fair to suddenly say to their mum that they are now staying at hers, ruining all her plans of guests staying over etc. All of our kids are quite happy and know they are very much loved and importantly also not being brought up to be entitled twats

Exactly. It's baffling that so many people are just ignoring that.

Absolutely, while still making the dsd out to be just awful. Is quite clear to see ops real opinion of her given all the actually horrendous name calling and vitriolic attitude to a child from adults here, and op hasn’t defended her,
”spoilt little madam”
”snowflake”
”princess” to name but a few…

This. Christmas is about mixing it all in together. I slept under the stairs on a blow up bed one year (it was open, it wasn't a cupboard). But it did make us all laugh when Harry Potter came out.

If your DD has an ensuite that's double the reason to give it up to elderly guests who may need access to a bathroom more easily in the night.

My DD always gives up her ensuite to visiting grandparents because they need readily available bathroom access.

I'll never be a granny so it's not something I need to worry about

But I would never accept an invite to stay at someone's house if it meant their step-child had to give up their room for me, no. Because IMO, that's a really entitled way to behave. I would get a hotel or go back to my own house.

Although you've called it your step-daughter's bedroom, you seem to believe it's a spare room. It's not a spare or a guest room - it's her private space, and I wouldn't want someone else in my bedroom either. You have 2 reasonable alternatives - you all go to your mother's place or your DH collects your mother on Christmas day and pays for an uber back.

Tbh if I was going to stay at my daughter’s future blended family home, I would be a lot more comfortable sleeping in my actual granddaughter’s bed than in that of my step-granddaughter who I barely know.

Could your dh have his daughter's room? Your daughter share with you and your mum have your daughter's room? That way everyone has a comfortable bed and sd doesn't have a relative stranger (to her) staying in her space

Well when coming to stay with her dad and in what seems to be such an unwelcoming environment, maybe he’s got to make it attractive? How awful she only stays a few days a month! Can’t believe that her dads ok with that!

OP keeps on how unfair it is but then says stepdaughter "potentially" won't be there

Putting OP's mom in SD's room would make that nearly certain that SD wouldn't come. That's why husband is saying no.

You're being pretty obvious here.

Nobody is being turfed out, stop being dramatic.

Ah well, you’re clearly not much of a host I guess. I’m sure when you’re a granny you’ll be satisfied with a blow up airbed in the floor of the utility room, right? Oh no, wait, you’ll know you’re place and never stay overnight with your own daughter at all, and of course your daughter will know not to make an ounce of effort for you, won’t she?

Do you pay towards the mortgage? Unless he pays it in full alongside all bills I would tell him to kick rocks. It’s your home too.

It’s ok to disrupt your children but not DSD? No it doesn’t work like that.

I’m a single mother and hearing stories like this I will happily remain single than consider a blended family.

I know, I find it really bizarre.

But then if having my mum stay the night meant kids would have to be turfed out of their rooms, I would be telling mum we had no room and offer to put her up in a hotel or something instead.

I’m astounded by how many people on here would happily let someone they’re unrelated to and don’t know stay in their beds! I’m fine with giving mine up for family or friends. But no way would I be willing to do that for someone I barely know. At 40 I assume most people think I’m entitled to that boundary. I think at 14 anyone is entitled to that boundary too.

No because the roof cause of her being turfed out is because her step sister is insisting a room
remains empty

I've read another thread of yours. My answer might be different otherwise.

Ask your daughter two swap or your and your DH give your mum your room and sleep on a blow-up.

Your DH is wanting his daughter - who is away at boarding school during term time IIRC - to come for Christmas and more often in general, and giving away her room before her plans have been set will make that even less likely.

Oh well. Guests don't need double beds and en-suites.