Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

Not everyone agrees with you, and to ask those who disagree if they are on the spectrum is... yikes.

Is it not their house? I've read most of the thread and haven't seen her say it's just his house.

Yes I'm aware of that. Are you on the spectrum? I'm clearly given an example of whats reasonable. Are you aware this is on the AIBU section? He's unreasonable, the kids aren't treated equally and he's making the daughter entitled.

Oh, I think she would be classed as living there too. I got the impression from OP, and I may be wrong, that she doesn’t think the stepdaughter lives there because she’s not there full time (whereas OP and her children do).

The daughter has never technically lived there, as she spends most of her time at boarding school with the holidays split between her parents.

I am mostly in agreement with you on this thread but I do think DSD lives in her dad's house and also lives with her mum. I wouldn't see school as a place where she lives, even if she is boarding.

ETA partly because I would assume the school is at liberty to move rooms around for the boarders if e.g. more girls leave or join and they have to rejig!

Because it’s his house and his daughter. If OP wants her own daughter to have an exclusive space that no one can touch then that is something she needs to provide.

What you would do is irrelevant. He isn’t you, and OP’s mother is not getting his daughter’s room.

Why is his daughters room off limits, but her eldest daughters room is not? When his daughter may not even be there? I don't know how old the mother is, but I'm guessing ar least 60. My father's 63 and would be getting the kids bed if it was empty.

The daughter has never technically lived there, as she spends most of her time at boarding school with the holidays split between her parents.

In her last thread OP said he spent £62k in order to ensure his daughter got her own bedroom and bathroom. Whether that was the room he had built or not, he made sure that she was provided with her own exclusive space. Not a space that was ever intended to be used as a guest room. OP has been fully aware of this from the beginning, just as she was and is fully aware that trying to commandeer it for her mother would only cause problems.

It's unclear whether the SD got an existing room or a purpose built one but from the OP's other thread we know the father spent 62k on an extension to ensure the SD had her own bedroom and en suite. OP is obviously well aware that this was his intention and that the room is not available as a guest room however much she wishes otherwise.

It is dependent on the health of one of DSD’s grandparents so it’s not known just yet.

Has DSD actually said she is not coming at all over the whole Xmas period?

This is the opposite of what OP has said?

“She did not live here before me but still got the best room at her father’s insistence. We now have an extension to accommodate youngest ones.”

I honestly can't imagine that two teenage girls wouldn't both prefer their own space over sharing, even if they were sisters. Study, privacy, choice of music and bedtime without imposing on the other...

She wasn’t given the best room. Her father had that bedroom and en suite specifically built for his daughter. OP wanted her to have to share with her daughter, and so resents the fact that her partner made sure his daughter had an exclusive space in her own father’s house.

OP knew before she even asked that this space wasn’t a guest room, and is off limits. She doesn’t know that the stepdaughter won’t need it over Christmas (and if she does, presumably Op thinks that she’d just have to share a room with aforementioned daughter). There’s nothing for OP to negotiate, it’s not her house or her space to claim

Here’s the solution:
Your mum moves into 13yo DD’s bed.
Your 13yo DD moves into your bed.
Your DH figures out where he wants to sleep. If he prefers the sofa to a bed with an en suite, that’s on him.

The general situation is ridiculous btw. Does DH carry a lot of guilt from splitting up from SD’s mum? But I think you lost the battle when you moved in and gave her the best room. You can renegotiate when she’s 18, it’s only another few years.

It feels a little like revenge, i.e. if the daughter won't blend in the exact way the OP wants then she has to be pushed out

It's actually for several days isn't it? I think OP said from 24-27.

It doesn't have to be if the OP could simply accept the situation as it is and as it was always made clear to her.

But even if so, it's his daughter and his choice to make.

I actually think the OP's focus on trying to chip away at the arrangements her partner has made for his daughter are unhealthy . I think she has turned this bedroom into a battleground when she knows she won't win.

Exactly. The man’s stance is I wouldn’t give up my bed and room so why should a child.

His answer to his partners mother visiting is I’ll drive / uber her back and forth since it’s close enough.

His not going oh no not my daughter! His saying nobody.

Maybe this isn’t even about bedrooms for him. Maybe he just doesn’t want her mother staying overnight.

He is also building a very unhealthy dynamic

But that wouldn’t meet ops agenda of showing dsd that she’s of no importance and op and her dd ars better than her

DH (hubby? Yikes) has said: All DH will say is he wouldn’t want anyone in his room either and he is willing to collect her after presents and she could get Uber back.

So DH’s solution is not that OP’s DD gives up her room but that he sorts transport for his MIL.

Op on other threads, drama and sobbing because her dd not invited to family things by dsds grandparents.

He does sometimes take the other daughter out with his stepdaughter.

You are talking as if he ignores her entire existence and encourages everyone else to do so too. That's not the case. The OP herself has said he would not tolerate any rudeness to her daughter, but no one has ever been rude.

Who mentioned their dad’s parents?

They might well say to their dad and sister ( the SD) that they’d like their other sister to come along too. Why wouldn’t they? Both these girls are their sisters.

They aren’t actually married, and it is indeed just his house.

It’s a room he had built specifically for his daughter, and not an available guest room.