Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

Your husband sounds really unreasonable to me. Treating the lass like a bloody princess!
Why the hell does she get a bigger room, double bed and en-suite when she doesn't live there permanently??

And? My eldest son has given up his bed for his siblings grandmother as his was the most suitable. In my house it’s respectful to offer your bed to a guest. I have given up my own bed on multiple occasions. Many others wouldn’t i’m sure, but I wouldn’t see a guest on the sofa, or alone as none of my kids will offer them a bed. In this instance the en suite is the most suitable. I think it’s daft giving the second best room (one most suitable for guests) to a child who is there a couple of times a month.

Fair enough if that child allows others to use their bed when they are not there, but I find it ridiculous if my mother couldn’t stay for Christmas and there was an empty bedroom. It wouldn’t happen as my DC know that sometimes, we give our beds up for guests, and those guests, sometimes give up their beds for us.

Ive Just read your other thread which I think is relevant. You are sort of two separate households hence why DM cant sleep in dsd room

I would still have your mum in your room and DH sleep on a zbed or something

But this sort of thing will likely crop up again and again with this set up

So the same should be for ops eldest? She should have a room at her dads?

This

This

Did you? Because OP herself doesn't even know if she'll be there or not 🤔

Because she isnt there? Did u even read the post?

This isn't about being on a pedestal, it's about the insecurity that a stepchild faces in the family.

There is a profound lack of control on behalf of the stepchild. Someone has moved into one of their most significant caretaking roles, in their home, while they are still young and in need of care. They need to make sure this is safe, that their position in the family is secure, that they are still needed and wanted in the home, that their rights and feelings are respected.

If OP really needs this room, she can talk honestly to DH, and DH can talk to her. But it seems like this is a reaction to test whether DSD's feelings are prioritised, or OP's - this is underlined by the fact that DH doesn't agree with OP and it's really OP against DSD here. OP could make the extra effort to leave DSD's room undisturbed, and it would strengthen the understanding that OP respects DSD and her boundaries in the home. Or she could try and forcibly supersede DSD's control over her private space.

One will have a better outcome than the other.

What a vile post, you expect a child to 'book' in with her dad? Though, from OP posts, i think she would like that.

You began it by saying it was sad I had a lack of understanding. I do not. My children have a second home.

Your situation is of no interest to me. No point scoring, just turning your own words back on yourself. But given how you twist things, I can see that your dd might have issues.

Would you be completely fine with an adult you barely know staying in your bedroom for three days while you’re not there?

After reading your previous post OP I really have to wonder why you decided to have two children with this man when it was already apparent that your first daughter was not welcome to the rest of the family.

When you meet the love of your life and you’re still young enough, its not unusual to want to have children together

Your DH and SD are being overly precious. She lives in 2 houses at times and can't expect her own room in the one she spends least time at.

This of course the dsd will be insecure with a step mother stopping her having a relationship with her little sister without centering the ops daughter!

Do you know what, our lovely little DC are occasionally selfish and part of raising them is to see when they are being selfish, ask the older ones and they would hate to have been brought up in any other way. My oldest DD is a student nurse and has had amazing feedback from patients for the care and consideration she gives them. My DSC to the credit of their mum and my DH are wonderful too, we encourage the little DC to have consideration for them too. Yes maybe they are desperate to play with them but we tell them they are entitled to be able to come and relax and just chill on their rooms if that’s what they want to do . No one is on a pedestal in the house and we find that has always worked quite well

Yet you chose to have 2 children with this man, despite already being a mother.

I went back and read the other thread about the stepdaughter. It seems that the husband literally built an extension to the house so that the stepdaughter would have her own room and feel welcome. Also- nobody except the OP is interested in blending the families. The stepdaughter is lovely, polite, well-brought-up, but simply not interested in the OP, the OP's sister, the OP's sister's wedding, or the other 13 year old with whom she has no blood relationship. Presumably she's not interested in the OP's mother, either.
OP's the one making the problem here. Leave the stepdaughter's room alone. It seems like a large house. There are other options.

It’s sad that you have raised such an insecure child.

Well, she was pretty secure until her dad blew up the family with a decade of lies, and then rushed a new relationship onto her. But sure, try to turn her trauma into petty point-scoring.

In OP's shoes, since her husband is being unreasonable, I'd take the kids and go to Gran's for the day and night. He can sit home staring at his special daughter's empty room, or watching TV with her, should she show up.

They do. But both are secure enough to not lay claim on an empty room that means an elderly lady should sleep on a sofa.

It’s sad that you can’t understand that a child/tween might need to feel they have something solid and within their control in all this

It is sad that you have raised such an insecure child.

See how this works when we see things differently!

Yep. A lot of people are missing the backstory and haven't read OP's previous threads. This isn't a case of a well-adjusted step-family.

You’ve got to realise in MNsworld granny’s are only useful for providing childcare, helping out’ and forming ‘meaningful’ relationships with the children aka someone whose purpose is to positively enrich their child’s life. The grandma’s worth, comfort and happiness are irrelevant. The concept that the elderly are more prone to suffer discomfort, tiredness, disability, bladder problems is either lost on the generation of the entitled or to be considerate of such issues would go quite against trying to bring their children up in the same vein

My parents are free to do whatever they like - I'm not sure where I said otherwise? However, they choose not to have guests staying in that room and it's always available to me should I need it or want it.