Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

Oh right I missed that bit . Well I guess it's just wait and see then,

She might not need to but what’s wrong with her wanting to?

I can’t imagine expecting an adult to share a family bathroom with three kids and two adults whilst a child has her own instead of appointing that room as the adult visitor’s. Actually, I couldn’t imagine making my older relatives share a bathroom with five others now whilst I had an en-suite.

OP has stated that it’s dependent on what another relative of DSD’s is doing. It’s not DSD being indecisive.

Stepdaughter does not know what she is doing as they are waiting to see if one of her grandparents is well enough to travel to a house they have in Europe.

IIRC you may be using it as the marital home, but it’s still very much his house. It doesn’t really matter if you or anyone else thinks him unreasonable or not, he’s said no. So figure something else out.

One of my DD's had an ensuite. If friends came to stay she bunked in with her sister and they had her room.

SD or not, its the rules of the house.

because we expect a visitor and could use your room if you won't be there."

well I definitely wouldn't say this part!!

But yes they should ask her to make up her mind and let them asap as they need to make plans,

Maybe I’m just not fussed about en suites?!

I just think it’s an option that keeps everyone happy. We don’t yet know if step daughter will be there so OP will need a few ideas.

also mum is less than an hour away - does she need to stay?

Why should be en-suite lie unused in case a child visits instead of it being utilised by an adult? Utterly mad. The kids give way to the adults.

OP’s children don't have an en suite.

I’d absolutely dig my heals in here, OP.

I am the oldest and had the biggest room in the house. I always moved to the box room over Christmas and whenever else adult relatives visited. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to try and say no and if it had my parents would’ve rightly ignored me.

You’ve said your eldest could go in with one of the younger ones and then your mum can have her single. This sounds ok right??everyone has a bed and step daughter can come and go if needed.

nobody needs an en suite. You said mum doesn’t have any additional needs so she can use the family bathroom. It’s only a couple of nights.

I know you’re annoyed but the stepdaughter probably feels more protective of her space as it’s not her main home.

edited for typo

But they don’t know the dsd room is available, sounds like op just hopes dsd isn’t coming. If it’s being He needs to show his dd that she’s part of the family by treating her the same way as the rest, then op will have to stop her dds doing anything with anyone unless the dsd is present and included won’t she, like she expects dsd and 3yo to not do anything without her dd?

It’s a great question and as a single parent, I am extremely doubtful I would ever do it. The number of times it genuinely works out seems to be very low compared to the number of times it actually just results in stress and misery for some or all of the new members.

Given the financial and practical challenges of being a single parent, I suspect the lure of cost-sharing and the convenience of having a live-in partner exert an outsize influence over the adults involved. They think it will make life easier on themselves and that being able to afford to take overseas holidays again will make the kids happy, when in reality the kids want something very different from their home life.

Most people weren't as entitled as they are now. I know of families where sleeping in the bath was the NORM, because households weren't able to provide a bedroom for all. Back in those glorious "you could support a home on one income days." No one ever scrutinizes just what those homes were like.

One of my grandparents was 9 kids and two parents in a two-up, two-down.

Of course they didn't have the luxury of a bath for someone to sleep in because the toilet was a small shack in the garden.

I think this is very insightful.

Then someone needs to ask her: "Are you coming for Christmas or not, and which days? because we expect a visitor and could use your room if you won't be there."

Fourteen-year-old children don't get to dictate household arrangements and how their parents receive guests.

(the husband is a whole separate problem.)

She is being nasty about the daughter. Who gets limited time with her father, who clearly loves her and wants her to feel welcome in his house. He spent 62k on an extension so that she could have her own space so clearly this is extremely important to him.

My question is:

If "blending" is so traumatic, so exacerbating of insecurities and issues, so difficult, so requiring of special accommodations, vast expense, and other problems, why on earth do so many parents force these situations onto their kids???

Because that is ridiculous, sleeping in the living room when there is another room available.

I think YANBU if the room is empty. But YABU for sure if your SDD hasn't even decided if she's coming. She should feel welcome and have first dibs on her own room.

Rather than jealousy, I think it’s often a level of resentment that the child does not want to pay ball with their fantasy of everyone becoming a big happy new family.

It’s a refusal to grapple with the difficult reality that despite good intentions, a stepparent, step-siblings or even half-siblings can sometimes feel like an imposition and an intrusion to the stepchild. Many adults are unwilling to accept that although they are happy with a new partner, their kids are not.

No she’s being nasty about the dh which is appropriate given his ridiculous behaviour. Anyone who would let a child sleep on the floor when there’s a free room available is not a kind father or stepfather. He needs to show his dd that she’s part of the family by treating her the same way as the rest, not giving her such blatant special treatment at the expense of the other dc, his wife and wider family.

Oh not just this poster, the names and spewing spite many posters have vented about this child is fucking disturbing. Can’t think why unless they’re bitter 2nd wives hating the fact there’s evidence that their dh had a life before them and are cripplingly jealous of the children who exist a evidence of that.

You're being really nasty about a 14 year old. Why is that?

Yabu.

Make alternative sleeping arrangements for you DMum.

Your DH has set a clear boundary. You don't agree your DSD was given the best room. You know that room is off limits and are still making plans. Yabvu. You are testing this because of unfairness you feel. Let it go. There are other hills to die on.

My ds does not want people in his room, so no-one sleeps there. I don't go in there and knock, I don't go in. The others don't care.

Most people would think it's not acceptable to make a child sleep in the bath.