Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

You’d think. However the last time we went to BiL’s and stayed over at Xmas (they lived about an hour away from us at the time), DH and I (well into our 50s then) were given a pile of random cushions and told to sleep on the tv room floor. Our two DSs got the sofas in the lounge, other BiL the study floor. DMiL got the spare room and BiL’s DDs got to stay in their own double en-suite rooms undisturbed. No question of the sisters sharing one of their rooms and freeing up the other for one night - nope.

Really?? As a child of divorced parents I felt like it was great having ‘2 bedrooms’ at different houses, a definite up side to the situation. Not once did I feel sad that I didn’t have just one room at one house or even where heard such a view from any contemporaries in a similar situation or my own children and their friends. I do know that talking to a child like you couldn’t care less about them, constant criticism (alongside constant praise of the new wife’s existing children) can have a devastating effect, any child having to spend time in such a household is likely to very much want to be back in their own loving home. That’s to do with the hostility they’re getting from the parent/step parent, not the fact they’ve got 2 bedrooms

so ops dd doesn’t? She has no contact with her dad? You know this?

this is post meant to quote!

Valid options if she’s there. If she’s not do you really think it’s sensible to do this when there’s a room available. So silly.

so ops dd doesn’t? She has no contact with her dad? You know this?

edited to add- wrong post quoted!

Absolutely no chance would I be listening to Dh. Change the bedsheets etc and let your mum stay. I certainly wouldn’t be making my mum stay on the sofa if there was a bed going and there is. If stepdaughter comes she can manage the sofa or a different bed for the time. Utterly selfish for anyone to think a woman In her 70s will be ok on a sofa.

As long as there is a chance of her showing up, her room should be available. If she is 100% not going to be in residence, then using the space for guests is reasonable. Until that determination is made though, I don’t think you should make any plans that would make her feel unwelcome in her own home.

You sleep on sofa, husband can sleep on the floor or in step daughter's room and your mom can sleep in your bedroom. You want your mom to have a big bed so she gets one and your OH wants no one to sleep step daughter's room so everyone should be happy.

I dont think your husband is entirely unreasonable for going along with step daughter in not wanting strangers to snoop in her room and I'd honestly give him some credit for trying to keep the relationship with his daughter as good as possible.

Having to have two bedrooms in two houses because your parents are divorced is a burden not a privilege, and children often feel deeply sad they don’t just have one room and one house. Which won’t be helped by the OP treating her stepdaughters room as the guest bedroom.

My DD has a big en suite room. She knows how lucky she is and when grandparents come to stay she moves out into her younger brothers room. Without protest.

We did this: our toddler in full sized bed early to increase options for guests. Works well.

Because she is the only one with two beds and two bedrooms and will be sleeping in her other bed and bedroom for the duration of the visit.

There is also the option for OP’s DD to sleep downstairs:

There isn’t a bed for my mother if she can’t use my stepdaughter’s unless my elder daughter sleeps downstairs or on a mat in with the younger two

Or for OP to take the baby back into her room, as she states in the first post.

So buy proper adult size bed for baby/toddler/3yr old room and your mum can sleep in that.

I do get why dh wants to keep the room. He barely gets to see dd, its a difficult age anyway where none resident parent see less of their teens.

If this is ongoing then review how rooms are allocated and consider swapping rooms about so dsd doesnt have the ensuite.

Good for you, I guess? 👍

Absolutely @CamillaMcCauley but best not stop the wonderfuly kiiinnnd mnetters rejoicing in sticking the boot into this child! Maybe they’re the ones who need therapy!

It’s not mentally unwell, that’s a ludicrous exaggeration. It’s about her feeling that something belongs to her and is special to her and she shouldn’t have to share it if she doesn’t want to.

“Go on, give Gran a few sips from your drink, you might not finish it anyway!”
”Isabel, let your stepsister wear your favourite dress to a party, you’re not planning to wear it that night.”
“Why can’t you just hug your uncle, you’re being rude!”

Children and teenagers are allowed boundaries, even when those boundaries mean adults aren’t going to get their way.

Do you also think op should have urgent therapy @CheeseIsMyIdol? Given her level of jealousy and self reported floods of tears if the dsd and half sister do anything with dads side of the family without op’s dd?

That's what gets me. She's not being asked to permanently give up her room. She's being asked to act like a family member and cede her room to an older guest for a couple of nights. It's unhealthy to raise a child to think that such a situation is infringing on her rights or somehow denigrating her.

If her MH issues are so bad that giving up her room to her father's mother-in-law for a couple of festive nights is traumatizing, they need to urgently prioritize therapy.

Indeed. It’s only a couple of nights.

Didn’t say anything was wrong with it. Just thinking of solutions/ideas for the OP!

it’s only a couple of nights. It’s good to hear everyone’s ideas though- everyone has different views and experiences

The poster that was quoted didn’t even mention anything directly about the dd, it was all about the father.

Obviously he should make his daughter feel welcome and create a home that fits everyone comfortably. But it seems like the stepdaughter is getting a lot of special treatment and being treated favourably. As I’ve said, if she’s there for Christmas it isn’t clear cut. If she’s not then it’s ridiculous to make others uncomfortable when there’s an empty room sat there unoccupied. It’s really pretty obvious imo.

Sleeping in the bath is a new one!

but yeah, we got booted out our beds as kids and never even thought to question it. It was all part of the fun of Xmas.

Because the adult whose house it is has said no.

The kid doesn’t have to give way to OP.

Fine by me. I’ve done the same. Difference is that because I’m a grown up I was staying in a guest room at my mum’s, like any other guest would.