Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

I know what you mean.

There's also a slight whiff from the OP that I can't quite put my finger on that is sort of trying to push the SD out of the nest

I can imagine the previous conversations - the OP saying the SD doesn't deserve as much space in the house as the other kids because she doesn't live there full time, the DH then saying fine, I will pay for an extension, then the OP still trying to claim the SD's space for her family

Are you Kathy Bates in Misery?😂

I know we’re supposed to say DH and SDD are unreasonable, I know it sort of is, but I really like seeing a dad having firm boundaries and putting his kids first because it’s so rare. This should have all been thought through before having more children.

That is unbelievably ludicrous when there is an empty double bed sitting there.

I have also read the OP’s other post. It’s clear that her DH sees his children and particularly his eldest as entirely separate to his SD, the OP’s DD from a previous relationship, and the DSD herself has no intention of regarding the OP’s family as anything to her, despite their efforts to welcome her.

The OP has much bigger problems than where her mother is going to sleep at Christmas.

Because her father had it built
specifically for her, and isn’t going to have it used as a guest room. ‘Silly’ or not, he’s said no, and OP has little choice but to figure something else out.

Per OP’s previous threads, it’s his house and they aren’t actually married. He’s wealthy, she isn’t. She’s tried to challenge him before and been told to stay in her lane. She chooses to stay despite being unhappy with the dynamic.

Why would anyone sleep on the floor when there's a spare bed? This is bonkers.

why does she have that room?
so you think a young girl, living away from family at boarding school shouldn’t have a bedroom in her dads home?

Op I think I remember your other posts. It all just sounds utterly miserable, more so for your own older daughter than your step daughter when the wider context is known.

You really can’t go on like this.

Eh?

Of course someone can’t stay in a room for three nights without moving something. Making space on the bedside table for their book and drink, at least.

Not to mention that it would destroy any sense of trust if they tried to hide the fact that the room had been used, and needed the other three girls to keep that secret too!

Why should they move and interrupt their sleep when there’s a room empty? Sheets can be washed and if she’s hardly ever there why does she have that room? Silly

OP has stated that it is dependent on whether DSD’s grandparent is well enough to travel. Which is of course out of DSD’s hands.

I don’t think a lot of people are seeing this from the step daughters point of view.
She is away at boarding school a lot of the time. Her dad started a new family and lives with another girl the same age as her and she has half siblings that she has to negotiate to spend time with without her step sister.
she’s away at boarding school not with her mum the rest of the time?! Oh my bloody hell this poor girl!

Why not just ask the DD if she'll be there at Xmas or not? Are you both afraid to speak to her?

Don't believe that for one second

Mum can share with me and dh work himself out.
we are giving our queen bed to my eldest when we get a king, it comes with the understanding that he vacates his room when family are staying and they use it. That’s life. So I think your dh is being a poor role model for his daughter encouraging this.

Totally understand your SD and DP’s position, particularly having read the backstory. Sounds like she doesn’t fit into your ‘little family’ and DP has given her this room to make her feel like she does have some sort of space within it. I get why she doesn’t want someone who isn’t even related to her (has she even met your mother?) staying in it.

Lots of solutions on here have been vetoed by you because you don’t want to disrupt your own DC but you’re happy to upset her. Says it all. Get a blow up mattress and sleep in the living room or something, give your mum your bed.

If I was your mother
and I knew that your 14 yr old SD had been having a tricky time in this side of her family and that me staying over was causing both you and her tension - i would cause NO FUSS instead I would either

1. book a local hotel

or

1. offer to sleep in with the baby

or

1. offer to sleep on the sofa

or

1. get a taxi. Pricey but less than a hotel and worth it not to cause my daughter and her step daughter any issues

Don't believe you

This is the best solution I’ve read on this thread.

Then after Christmas get your ducks in a row.

Put your elder daughter in with you. Your Mum in her room and let your husband choose between a floor mat and his daughter’s bed.

I don’t think a lot of people are seeing this from the step daughters point of view.

She is away at boarding school a lot of the time. Her dad started a new family and lives with another girl the same age as her and she has half siblings that she has to negotiate to spend time with without her step sister.

She has no desire to blend families and her dad doesn’t seem to be bothered about encouraging it so he paid for her room so she had her own private space and can visit him in a home where she’s not really welcomed in by the OP.

OP says her stepdaughter is polite and a lovely girl but the resentment is obvious - especially on the other thread. If I was in this girls shoes I’d be so grateful for a space of my own and wouldn’t want people in my room that I’m not related to and have no desire to be. It’s not that she’s being spoilt it’s a consolation prize for the fact she’s essentially a guest in her dads home when another girl her age lives there full time, it’s an incentive to visit and see her dad with her own space.
In the previous thread it seemed OP wanted the girls to share with her daughter which isn’t ideal in a blended family - never mind one where half refuse to blend.

I shared a room until I was 14 and was an introverted child who was extremely tidy and organised and took pride in my room when my sister preferred to live in a hovel.
I’d spent hours tidying and buying things for our shared room and go out and when I returned it was trashed. My sister used to pick her nose and wipe it on the walls I’d asked to be wallpapered when the room was decorated as my birthday present.

As soon as I had my own room I hated anyone being in it and now as an adult wouldn’t give it up for anyone because it’s my sanctuary.
I don’t understand why people can’t see that a teenage girl wouldn’t want an unrelated adult in her bed and space that was exclusively built for her!
My parents gave my room to my niece as soon as I moved out at 18, it made me feel like I’d only ever had my own space if it was spare and I was never prioritised.
My niece had her own room at home but my sister insisted all grandparents had rooms for their grandchildren so I never went back to stay the night with my parents again.

I think the voting on this thread is influenced by who has/hasn’t read the previous thread and realised this isn’t a normal blended family situation.

OP is never going to get things to change and needs to accept that her DP is happy to have two separate families. There are other solutions for Christmas sleeping arrangements that don’t involve pushing her stepdaughter away further.

It’s more like he does. He had that part of the house built specifically for her, and doesn’t want it used as a guest room.

I don’t think OP is married to him either, or she wasn’t earlier this year anyway. If this is the case then her position is even more precarious.

Oo that changes things. If it’s not hers or joint then the daughter rules the house.

I was going to say this. How do you know @Balletbabe that the grandmother wont snoop. My elderly mother absolutely would have.

If I remember an earlier thread correctly, that isn’t an option for OP. It isn’t her house - it’s his. She isn’t in a position to override him.