Stepdaughter’s bedroom at Christmas

I’m going by OP’s own accounts. The type of blended family she wants was never on offer.

She went to the proverbial restaurant, placed her order, and is now upset because it was delivered.

I don't think you can say that based on the evidence you have. But ok. You do you.

The issue is joining a family, knowing full well the dynamic, and thinking you can demand they change to suit you. That’s entitled behavior.

Husband isn't suggesting anyone should give up their room, though. He's happy to drive / arrange ubers.

The issue is with the husband not treating people equally and she's not wrong in expecting a level of commitment from someone she's partnered with. Where she's gone wrong is tolerating this at all.

I want my children to have a base level of entitlement commensurate with healthy self esteem. I’d absolutely expect all of them to be able to speak up if a space they have been told is for their sole use is then dedicated for a guest

Don’t you feel embarrassed to use such horrible language about a child who the only info you’re getting from is a step parent who clearly resents her?

If your stepdaughter isn't there then of course your mother should be able to use her room. Mumsnet seems a bit bonkers on the sanctity of children having their own room, their sacred space. I shared with 3 siblings and I survived! It's ok to make decisions that our children aren't always on board with. Kids are so entitled now. I'm a primary school teacher and behaviour is getting worse every year.

She’s not an entitled brat. Even OP recognizes that. She does enjoy a higher standard of living because of her family’s wealth, but so what? That is something they’re able and willing to provide to her, and not something she should have to sacrifice because of OP.

It was a bad choice because she wanted an ‘all in’ type of blended family. She knew that was never on offer.

The issue is with her, and she’s very much wrong in trying to force her stepdaughter, husband, and in laws to change to suit her. They aren’t going to.

It’s usually not such an issue when a child hasn’t been brought up to be an entitled brat

It's not OP's house. It's DH's house.

The family dynamics are really obvious here, unfortunately. People like OP should not start relationships with people who have children

There is a bed for your mother.
The obvious solution is she has your bed and you and hubby sleep in the living room on a blow up bed. That way all your younger kids are in their own room so no fear of sleep regression and your SD isn’t being pushed out of her room.

The only person this odd set up seems to be working for is her moneybags partner.

From what the OP posts, relations are good, people are courteous and kind to each other, but there is some separation between the families, and the DSD and her extended family have clear boundaries.

I suppose not all blended families blend seamlessly at all, and maybe this situation is far from the worst. I understand that OP would like it all to be fully blended, but I think that it is respecting boundaries that will help with a closer relationship over time.

Yeah. Very much sounds like she's battling against what was initial a bad choice. Oh well. Quite the shit sandwich.

Think OP and her kids be better off on their own

I don't know. I think a lot of blended family issues come from forcing the blending. In some ways, not pretending it's one family is healthier. It isn't fair to expect the SD to feel the same way about the OP's family as her DD does.

I bet the OP would expect SD not her DD to give her room for her MIL

She signed up for this, introduced more children into it, and chooses to remain 🤷🏻‍♀️

She periodically picks a battle, like this one (she knows full well that this isn’t simply an available spare room), to lose.

Not worse but not great either. Husband sounds like a dream 😒

Actually think is worse for the dsd!

Wow. This is a crap situation for OP. And my initial assessment appears to be correct!

accomodating entitled behaviour

SD is entitled to a room at her dad's home. She's the home owner's minor child. The money spent on remodeling ensured that. Now OP wants that room for a guest room when she pleases, even when it could and would displace her SD out of her dad's home. OP is not entitled to use that room as she wants.

How many dads have a second family and fuck off to leave the kids of the first to deal? It sounds like OP actually has to deal with that and her oldest. This father hasn't done that. He's made it clear that his daughter matters and that's she's got a place in his home. He's remodeled because his family grew.

I’ve seen her previous threads. They’re unmarried, and he owns the house. He has no problem with his daughter and family being all but entirely uninterested in OP and her family, and is happy to operate as a separate unit with his daughter.

Every time OP has had an issue with this she’s been told she can like it or lump it. This situation isn’t going to change.