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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Manager is making my life hell

84 replies

galaxybeyond101 · 06/12/2025 12:15

I started a new role about 7 months ago and feel like I made a huge mistake. My manager is utterly horrible towards me.

This is her first time managing someone… when I first joined she was nice, patient and supportive. Over time the mask has slipped, she berates me in front of colleagues, micromanagers me, everything I do seems to be wrong.

Some days she is nice, chatty and overly nice to me and other days she is cold as ice and criticises everything I do. I never know what version of her I am going to get. I am constantly treading on eggshells and dread going to work every day. The work itself I enjoy but with her as a manager I don’t feel as though I will make it a year. I have applied for numerous jobs but this time of year, it seems not many places are recruiting in the lead up to Christmas.

I am going to make it a mission to get out in the new year. Has anyone else had a hellish manager and how did you cope?

OP posts:

Evaka · 06/12/2025 13:33

I personally would confront her and consistently push back when she's unprofessional. Develop a few stock phrases such as:

it's not clear to me what you want to happen from this conversation;
can you put that in writing so I'm really clear what you're saying;

-that wasn't a constructive way to communicate your ideas/wishes.

Hold a mirror up to her behaviour and stay robotically neutral. It'll mess with her head. And yeah, keep looking for something else.

shivermetimbers77 · 06/12/2025 13:27

It’s awful having a manager like that, I’ve only experienced it once in my career but it was awful and really knocked my - and numerous colleagues’- confidence. In retrospect, my advice
would be to clearly document everything and keep excellent records. Note down the time , date, exact words used, your response. Any rude emails : save. In order to build a case for a grievance you need very good evidence. Even if it doesn’t get that far, then just the act of recording everything makes you feel more in control .. Also, in the meantime, look for other jobs. Good luck.

Frenchexs · 06/12/2025 13:08

SpanThatWorld · 06/12/2025 12:37

Yes, my last job had a line manager who used exactly this style of management.

How did I cope? Making good relationships with colleagues who were less unstable and making plans for escape. It took 4 years but the joy of leaving that dump was worth it.

Same here, had a supervisor/mentor like ops. You have to make sure you’re not isolated.

Randomlygeneratedname · 06/12/2025 12:47

Raise with her manager or HR, say you are unhappy and would like to be moved to a different line manager. I used to have a team of 7, whatever I had going on at home had to be left at the door, I believe strongly that you should not turn up in different moods with everyone walking on eggshells. Berating you Infront of people is disgusting.

StuffyHuffyPuffy · 06/12/2025 12:44

HelplessSoul · 06/12/2025 12:42

So launch a grievance on her - on the basis that you have tangible evidence?

Searching for a new job is of course one solution, but in the meantime, why suffer from your existing manager?

Grievance
Grievance
Grievance

This!

I'll never suffer from bad management again. Cover your ass before she's all over it.

Willowkins · 06/12/2025 12:42

I complained to her boss along the lines that she was damaging the mission. Only to be told she would be moving to another department in a few weeks. She was a narcissist and I'm only sorry that it took so long to see her for who she was.