Manager is making my life hell

I think resigning is a good plan. You can always detail this role as a contractor so the expectation isn't that you were there very long or a career break.

@galaxybeyond101 I complained to HR and her line manager - that got it sorted but it was nevr the same again and I had to find a new job

I just left an awful manager. Bullying, isolation, micromanaging, mobbing.
I was was almost suicidal and it made me mentally ill.

I am sorry to read that you have had to leave to preserve your own health. Unfortunately there are too many managers who appear reasonable to those outside a team but are awful bosses. I was reminded of a team I interact with, who for about three years had a similar boss. Fortunately in a way the team members all found other good roles, but should never have been in this position.

I hope you find a new job soon.

It's not worth your mental health - if you can quit without a job to go to, then do it. Get your CV out there and when asked about availability, just state when you are free. Some employers are so happy when you say you are available immediately.

Although it's easy for us to say, if everything else about the job that you like, then you have to be patient.
A friend of mine who recently retired said, good managers come and go bad managers come and go, they typically don't stay forever, the problem is that the good ones feel like a short time, the bad ones feel like forever because they're making your life hell.

Like everyone else says one of the tricks is to document everything. Make sure you're not late, make sure that you know what it is that you're supposed to be doing, make good relationships with your coworkers, make sure that you're not making waves/ trouble in any way, and document everything that this manager is doing almost like a journal.
Keep notes of things. It won't hurt, as long as it's not taking you forever to do this and you don't leave the notebook somewhere, it might even help you become more productive that you can go back in your notes and see when certain projects were started or ended or other things happened... But it also gives you a record of these grievances.
Not sure if that's incredibly helpful, but it is something that you can do at this time

Please use this as part of your resignation.
Listing her treatment of you.
This is absolutely bullying.
We are here for you.

Is there any reason you just wouldn't go out sick and not return until after Christmas.
Get signed off due to the stress of being bullied.
See your GP, before doing anything.

Yes I’ve had a similar manager and it’s hell. The problem is that you don’t feel psychologically safe at work - this is bad for your wellbeing. There are a few things to do

• start logging everything. Date / who / what happened / outcome / witnesses / how it made you feel - but don’t act on it yet - just log
• check your company’s bullying policy (or whatever policy supports respectful behaviour at work)
• document everything you can - eg if she asks you do to do something send her a quick email confirming the instructions. Don’t ask her to agree just send it abd end it with ‘if I’ve missed or misunderstood something please let me know by x date’ Always be professional and polite in the emails because you may need them later if you file a grievance. When she later berates you about what you did follow it up with another ensil to her documenting in summary what happened / what she said and what she wants you to do - ending with ‘of I’ve misunderstood or missed something please let me know by x date’ (rather than asking her agreement)
• the above approach means you are evidencing everything. She will notice but cannot stop you. But it may stop her behaviour and make her thing twice. There is something about seeing it in writing that is stark and hard hitting. Hopefully just this will be enough. But if not ….
• Once you have evidenced a pattern of behaviour towards you you are on safer ground to raise a grievance which she cannot easily dismiss as a misunderstanding or deny. She cannot deny it when you face the emails to her confirming it.
• look for another job in the meantime
• build your allies network at work - even if they are in other departments

Having been through a stress breakdown because of a LM I would advise you to document everything in writing but I wouldn't raise a grievance. In my experience there's always retaliation and most people are naive.

But keep applying for roles. Reach out to others in the business to see if you can work for them. Limit your interactions with your LM but remain civil.

It's horrible. I do hope you leave soon.

Me too I had a horrible manager .. Would never take shit again.

I would stand up to her op .. you can't go to work feeling like this everyday and nor should someone be allowed to make you feel this way it's wrong.
You can confront her in a calm way and ask why she feels the need to treat you this way .
Say to HR she is making you dread going to work.
Don't let her get away with it .. no matter how long she has worked for company. X

Yes once. I job shared with her but she was senior to me and had more experience. I left in the end, a grievance would have made things worse in the environment we were in. I still think about her, I think she had a personality disorder tbh. She was just as you describe, up my arse one day and then vile the next. She was the same with everyone who was underneath her really. She once confided in me that he husband left her unexpectedly, never said a word and just left while she was out and never spoke another word to her, divorced through a solicitor etc. I felt sorry for her when she told me but looking back if she treated him the same way then he probably felt abused.

from experience, but bad manager left , record everything that’s happened and contact HR , don’t let her get away with this behaviour

Why do people ask this?
Must be just really NF!
🙄

@alwaystired do you have a job to go to?

Two options. Log every unreasonable interaction then take it up with HR. Or smile through gritted teeth, and keep looking elsewhere.

I am in a similar position,except I have worked for my company for 12 years and been spoilt with the 2 managers I've had in that time with respect and a really good, positive working relationship. We've just had loads of people leave including my manager and team leader.

The new management have come in making new rules without any consultation, speaking to me like I am a child and treating the residents I support with the same disrespect.

I walked out last week due to the new team leader who is 20 yrs younger than me spoke to me so rudely infront of a resident, I was in tears and had to walk out before I told her what for! 😆

I am desperately trying to find a new job, Ive loved my job for 12, nearly 13 years, but I owe it to myself to not get treated and spoken to in that way. No one should be bullied I the work place.

I would also advise documenting everything and speaking to Acas or citizens advice. I have and I might start getting my phone out on shift and saying that I feel uncomfortable with how I am being spoken to so do you mind if I record this conversation for my future reference.

I have had plenty of jobs in the past that I have left because of bullies. I show nothing but kindness and respect to my colleagues and people I support so I expect to be treated the same.

Record the times she has made you feel uncomfortable, but yeah you need to get another job.

Some time ago now, but my boss's assistant decided she was my boss - she wasn't. She tried micromanaging me, when that failed she completely blanked me. She'd make drinks for everyone but me, she'd ignore me if I spoke to her, an endless list of petty crap designed to make my working life miserable.

I kept records then reported her to our boss. Despite her much longer service, she was 'made redundant' and I got her job.

Just because you are new, don't assume you have to put up with crappy behaviour from anyone.

I’m experiencing this at the moment but boss is male and in addition has ‘got very close’ to the most junior female member of the team and it has created a very uncomfortable atmosphere. He expects everyone to display impeccable work ethic and behaviour whilst carrying on in this unprofessional manner. He is manipulative and vindictive and some of us have gone to HR but they have said they can’t do anything about his behaviour to us so we have to put up with his many faces. I’m trying to only engage on an absolute must basis.

Do You think her criticisms are completely off base? Could she have a point about the quality/ quantity of your work?

me! I feel sick to my stomach about going to work.

gir all those who say file a grievance I found most companies have a policy for the sake off . HR will protect the employer ie the manager. I am looking for a new role too doesn’t help I am just back if may leave

What you’re describing—constant unpredictability, public criticism, and micromanagement—creates a psychologically unsafe and toxic environment, and it’s understandable that you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

I'm a Mediator and Leadership Legacy Development Coach, and from this lens, there are a few things you might consider:

Document everything. Keep a private record of specific incidents (dates, what was said/done, impact). This helps if you ever need to escalate, but it also gives you clarity about whether the behavior is consistent or situational. Documentation is your shield—it turns vague frustration into concrete evidence.

Set boundaries calmly. If she criticizes you publicly, you might say, “I’d like to discuss feedback one-on-one so I can focus fully on improving.” This reframes the dynamic without escalating conflict.

Anchor yourself in what you enjoy. You mentioned liking the work itself—lean into that as a source of stability while you plan your exit strategy.

Plan your transition with intention. You’re already applying elsewhere, which is wise. Use this time to clarify what kind of leadership culture you want in your next role so you don’t end up in a similar situation.

Remember, her behavior says more about her lack of management skills than about your worth.

Many of us have had “hellish managers,” and the common thread in coping is finding ways to protect your confidence and dignity while you prepare for a healthier environment. You’re not alone in this, and the fact that you’re already thinking strategically about your next step shows resilience.

And don't forget to file a grievance.

I'm in this situation! I was made redundant last year as started a new job on Feb 3rd, the job was badly missold to me, I feel frustrated aa I'm not doing the job they told me I'd be doing all that much and I've somehow ended up being a pressurised telephonist rather than the H&S practitioner that I am. A tean mate got promoted to our boss and she does the whole pally pally, caring ymaboit you thing and then frequently slaps you down and criticises us all. I'm just not comfortable because my previous bosses all treated as an equal and with so much more respect than she does, they didn't micromanage me! She has never been a manager before svs she also seems to think berating and criticising is the way to manage people.

I took like a poster above am saving a fuck off find as I want to join a training a H&S training company as a freelance trainer. I'm sick of office politics, dishonesty and would rather have a go at having full control of my working life. I'm far more experienced and qualified than my boss in H&S and I don't know if that makes her feel threatened and like she needs to talk to me like shit regularly before switching back into full on pally mode.