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Original poster

Would this be rude?

510 replies

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:48

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 07/12/2025 18:53

MissyMooPoo2 · 06/12/2025 11:07

You’re jumping down people’s throats just on this thread. Don’t ask for opinions if you don’t want them.

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Not sure how op is "jumping down people's throats"

I don't think it would be rude at all to order from a different place especially as on same street. Genuinely can't see how it would be an issue. Why would it be rude to have a different takeaway preference...

Trishyb10 · 07/12/2025 18:51

If your in therapy would this chinese visit not be a good test!?? Ask yr therapist,s advise

JoClogs · 07/12/2025 18:51

Have a chat with your boyfriend - perhaps you and he could collect the takeaway food and bring it to his parents' home so it isn't an issue for his family.
You could call both places to book food first to see how long it takes on the day and to minimize waiting time.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/12/2025 18:51

@Christmas20 - if one of my sons was bringing a new partner for a visit, and told me that she couldn’t eat anything off the menu we usually ordered from, I would suggest either ordering from two places, or all of us ordering from the place that suited the partner’s needs.

When I am meeting someone who is special to one of my sons, I want to make them feel welcomed and at home here. I am happy to change things that I do, to make a guest feel welcomed, if I can - and ordering from a different takeaway, or ordering from two places seems like a very reasonable thing to me.

Tarteaucitronmerinquee · 07/12/2025 18:48

If I was having a takeaway evening at my house I really wouldn’t think twice about someone ordering something from somewhere else. Why would it be rude? Partner can just say you’re veggie and would rather have something from the other restaurant.

Daygloboo · 07/12/2025 18:33

Catcatcat111 · 06/12/2025 11:00

I agree with this

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So.someone ahould.make themself ill just to fit in ???? Are you serious ?

OldBeyondMyYears · 07/12/2025 18:24

People saying this is rude…why? It won’t affect anyone else!

Potteryclass1 · 07/12/2025 18:23

I’m with you on this OP. The only takeaway I can eat is fish n chips because you can see them cook it. I absolutely don’t trust a 3 hygiene rating. And I don’t eat Chinese or Indian takeaway food because they’re so unhealthy.

Autumn38 · 07/12/2025 18:23

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 11:03

I do get on with everyone, but equally I don’t want to potentially make myself feel ill when I’m quite happy to get something I can eat from somewhere else and just eat that with everyone else instead?

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I think it’s fine - suggest the place for everyone but if they decline you carry on and order what you want. I’d never want someone feeling uncomfortable in my company trying to be ‘polite’.

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/12/2025 18:23

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 11:06

I haven’t mentioned it yet so I don’t know, my partner is usually quite supportive though and knows how I feel about food and stuff, so I imagine they would be supportive about it regardless of how their family felt about it. The other place is quite expensive, so I wouldn’t want them all to switch to that takeaway just on my account. We are collecting the food and the places are on the same road so it wouldn’t be too much of an issue

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Get your food from the other restaurant. Say you react badly to peppers or something. They'll likely not notice. OP if you were coming to my house. I truly wouldn't care where you got your food from.

Wafflesandsyrup · 07/12/2025 18:20

I've seen your update but I don't think it's rude at all. I'm so shocked by the amount who think it is! We regularly order from different places when eating together. Not everyone wants the same thing all the time. Although perhaps next time your partner can order from the different place with you just for the support? Hope you're feeling better x

Sadworld23 · 07/12/2025 18:15

Hrft but I'm picky for lots of reasons.
I tried with DH family to just eat what's presented but honestly, they still think im the pita, so just get your own food but accept you'll always be the difficukt one.

Amabitnewhere · 07/12/2025 18:12

With EFT Tapping your emetophobia fix could in fact be quick. You could consider it for the future?

Judecb · 07/12/2025 18:08

Just speak to them an explain the situation. As there are only a few of you,, there shouldn't be a problem going somewhere else. Also, as someone who works in the food industry, I would NEVER eat somewhere with a 3 star hygiene rating!!

Bonsatater · 07/12/2025 18:06

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:57

Even though there is hardly anything for me to eat from the menu? 🤷‍♀️

I don't think its rude of you at all and I can see where your coming from

freakingscared · 07/12/2025 18:04

Yes it would be . Make yourself a favour eat at home and pretend you eat later

angela1952 · 07/12/2025 18:04

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:57

Even though there is hardly anything for me to eat from the menu? 🤷‍♀️

If it's Chinese there will be quite a few deep fried things, veg spring rolls for example. These should be relatively clean for you.

FamilyofTrees · 07/12/2025 17:56

I think this sounds totally reasonable. I would feel the same in your situation and tbh I don't think I'd even worry about whether it appeared rude or not.

ForNoisyCat · 07/12/2025 17:53

Coffeeready · 07/12/2025 17:06

I may be too late but…. If you’re the ones collecting the take away can you ask the families take away place for a spare container (offer to pay if they’re reluctant). Then collect one portion of something from your takeaway and transfer it to the empty container so it appears to have come from the same place? Pick something both places sell so if they check the menu they won’t realise you got something not on the menu. Extreme yes, but I have a family member with emetophobia so I get it.

That’s a really good idea

ForNoisyCat · 07/12/2025 17:50

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:48

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

Much as I sympathise with yiu, they would never invite yiu again and would think you odd.

DeedsNotDiddums · 07/12/2025 17:49

Eat something before you go, and pick at your food at dinner. No one gets pissed off, it's not rude, and don't tell anyone you've had food before coming.

Coffeeready · 07/12/2025 17:06

I may be too late but…. If you’re the ones collecting the take away can you ask the families take away place for a spare container (offer to pay if they’re reluctant). Then collect one portion of something from your takeaway and transfer it to the empty container so it appears to have come from the same place? Pick something both places sell so if they check the menu they won’t realise you got something not on the menu. Extreme yes, but I have a family member with emetophobia so I get it.

HeartyStork · 07/12/2025 14:16

I feel for you OP, I have a fair few stomach issues, after suffering with IBS for years that is set off with a lot onion based foods and onion powder, and after contracting a bacterial stomach infection Sep 2024, my stomach can be hard work. I also have severe Health Anxiety. So I get what the awful headspace can be like.

My parents used to think I was being awkward when I was younger, due to my IBS, that went undiagnosed until I was 30. But it's your body at end of the day. And if they had anything about them they would understand. Personally I would order from the other place. Me and my ex would order from 2 different places as he liked Indian and I would get Chinese years ago. But literally I'd have Chips and Mushrooms in Gravy.

I find people who don't suffer with stomach issues don't really get how hard it can be at times and just think your such a picky eater. But it is literally a case of having what you like and knowing you'll be ok, or suffering for a few days which isn't nice at all. Just explain or don't if you don't feel comfortable enough. But say you unfortunately have to be super careful with what you eat as it can set off stomach issues. Enjoy your meal whatever you choose OP.

MoonWoman69 · 07/12/2025 12:17

Bloody hell, this is such a non issue now I've read that you're not having it delivered, but picking it up!!! Ffs! Just go into the other takeaway and get your meal while your partner is picking up the main one! Or vice versa so they're ready together.
You're making a mountain out of a molehill here and I suspect it's more about the hygiene rating to be honest. And for me, rude or not, I certainly wouldn't eat from somewhere rated a 3!

Delatron · 07/12/2025 12:09

It’s not batshit to want to avoid a shitty Chinese with a poor food hygiene rating that has bad reviews about making people ill..

Sorry you weren’t up to going OP.

I do understand but I also think it could have been sorted by talking to your partner. I’m sure his parents would want you to feel comfortable and not eat food you don’t like.