Would this be rude?

Can you really not? Really?

Not eating, or spending the evening pushing a single spring roll round your plate, would be far odder and ruder than simply sorting your own dish and eating normally alongside everyone else.

In fact I’d feel quite sad at the thought of someone pretending to eat or picking at chips and rice, to avoid looking rude or weird.

Before reading the replies I wouldn’t have thought anyone could find it rude or unreasonable to do what OP has suggested.

There was no fussy eating in my house growing up but my parents wouldn’t bat an eyelid at anyone bringing or ordering a meal from a different Chinese, or even a different take away altogether to a take away night. Same would go for In laws and at my own house. Certainly for a new partner we’d want to make sure they were welcomed, comfortable and eating something they enjoy.

I might offer to pay or insist on paying for their take away, or suggest they order an extra portion so the rest of us can try it. But I wouldn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable. I know my kids would be able to reassure a new partner or even a friend who was invited that it wouldn’t be an issue at all.

I'm equally torn!

Asia's a big place; they're not all the same.

And even if everyone in the whole of Asia did follow the family-style Chinese tradition it doesn't mean the rest of the world has to do exactly the same. Especially if they have particular dietary requirements.

Even the OP, with her candid recognition of her issues, doesn't go the vehement extremes of this OTT post

Just don't go. It's not your thing. Join a different event. If you go there with your food issues they will get a bad impression of you and just think you are fussy and controlling. I know a few people with food issues, it's an ASD thing, and they really annoy me by making a deal of it. I just think 'don't participate if you can't handle it'

Eh? I’ve never seen it done any other way (than sharing). That’s the way of Asian food.

You mean your friends order a dish or more each, then scoff the whole bloody lot themselves, all the same, from the one container? Christ on a bike, what a bunch of Neanderthals! 😄 I hope you’ve never invited any Asian friends.

It’s like accepting an invitation to Sunday lunch, then eating ALL the roast potatoes, and absolutely nothing else. Think how that might look! 😂😂

Food preferences aside, I don’t think it’s rude to decline to eat at a restaurant with bad reviews and a middling food standard rating.

In this instance, I’d get my husband to do the dirty work for me though, and suggest somewhere else.

I can't see anything very wrong with that. But dont see surprisedif they think you ard being fussy.

I don’t think it’s rude. I would ask partner to explain that you will be ordering from restaurant B because there are more vegetarian options and ask him if anyone else wants to order from there as well.
Take a couple of bottles of wine with you to cover your back in case they think you are being rude.

I’ve never seen this done with Chinese take away when ordered in a group setting. I sometimes do it with either my mum or my partner, normally at my request because I am a fan of having a bit of a few different things. But generally everyone will pick the meal they want, it’s pretty rare that everyone likes all the same dishes, and I also have a veggie friend who of course would need her own unless we ordered all veggie.

I don’t think it would be rude in the slightest to order your own dish even if that was the plan, people in the 21st century understand that people have different preferences and requirements with food. It would be rude to make a fuss about it.

Good God, the things people worry about these days.

Sorry, OP but you’re going to come across as a tedious bore.

I don’t eat anywhere that has less than a 4 star hygiene rating and I just tell the people I’m with. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, but I would never expect them to change their plans. I always explain I will order from somewhere else and collect the all the food for everyone.

If you feel awkward which I can understand if you did on this particular occasion, why don’t you offer to go and collect the food? Then you can order yours from where you want to eat, get theirs from their Chinese and they don’t ever have to know?

I honestly can’t understand why people think this is rude? I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if one of my friends or family said they were ordering from somewhere different as they fancied something else?! Some people are so uptight.

I'm a veggie and not that keen on some Chinese dishes but if I was invited in this instance I'd just get on with it. It seems a bit attention seeking and rude otherwise. I've also inadvertently eaten in a zero rating place, and the food was amazing. It's great to be invited so just enjoy yourself.

It’s jus a meal, be nice have some vegetables, noodles and flow with the people,relax and enjoy, showing too soon about its no nice.

Just eat before you go, and maybe just order a starter and drink?

How is this difficult in any way?

Order enough for yourself - plate up what you want - put the rest in the middle for others to share, they can sort it out between themselves.

You could even offer 'I am ordering x from Y, if anyone wants to try something from there let me know and I'll order extra'.

It's only a problem if people go out of their way to make it a problem and if hosts do that, they're far ruder than the person wishing to sit down to a meal they can actually eat!

I don’t suffer from any food related phobias but would definitely balk at a 3 star rating and bad reviews. As they are in the same road and you’re picking up, can you order yours from your favourite place and then either not say anything when you arrive with food or just tell the in-laws that the other restaurant has your absolute favourite vegetarian dish so you got that while picking everyone’s up.

It wouldn’t bother me if someone did that - I agree it would be awkward to criticise their choice!

(I haven’t read the full thread so apologies if this has been suggested by others)

This is a it harsh but I think you really need to sort out all your various food issues before you are ready for any new family.

I wouldn’t want food from a place with a 3 rating either (and reviews saying it’s sometimes off) Especially from a takeaway where I can’t even see what it’s like. I have no problem with food but I do like to know it’s been prepared hygenically.

See link:

https://www.food.gov.uk/business-guidance/how-food-hygiene-ratings-work

3 is satisfactory. However, I wouldn’t eat anywhere less than 5. Can you recommend another takeaway to them with good reviews and hygiene rating ?

Eat before you go. Nibble on a few spring rolls. You’ll survive