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Original poster

Would this be rude?

510 replies

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:48

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

OP posts:
likeafishneedsabike · 07/12/2025 20:54

TheThingsYouDoForLurve · 06/12/2025 11:09

Typically with such meals, the dishes are all placed in the centre and people take from each. How will you ‘police’ your dishes at your hosts house? Poor form to deny others a tasting in order to ensure you’ve enough (because you’re not eating the other dishes).

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xaq4nN2QwEI&pp=ygUYc21pdGh5IG5vdCBzaGFyaW5nIGN1cnJ5

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?pp=ygUYc21pdGh5IG5vdCBzaGFyaW5nIGN1cnJ5&v=Xaq4nN2QwEI

BunnyLake · 07/12/2025 20:50

HelloCheekyCat · 06/12/2025 11:00

That wouldn't bother me at all, you'll all be eating together so why does it matter where it has come from.
I've done similar with DD and I because we are GF, I hope. No one minds, they haven't said anything if they did...

I honestly don’t get the pov that it is rude. She’s not refusing food they’ve cooked themselves so why on earth would anyone be offended or upset about it! Madness.

Friendinfluence · 07/12/2025 20:49

Usernamenotav · 06/12/2025 22:12

Can someone PLEASE give me a reasonable explanation of why the hell this would be rude.
What would be rude-
●demanding everyone else eat elsewhere
●if they owned the place they were ordering from
●if she chucked all their food in the bin as soon as it arrived because it was unhygienic

I cant think of any other reasons.

Show quote history

I have a theory it’s because the people who want the takeaway know it’s got a bad hygiene rating or is bad for them so the OP not joining in and eating it just reminds them they shouldn’t be either. And rather than not eat the takeaway, they blame OP.

BunnyLake · 07/12/2025 20:48

AwfullyGood · 06/12/2025 10:55

Yes, it would be very rude.

Why?

BunnyLake · 07/12/2025 20:47

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:57

Even though there is hardly anything for me to eat from the menu? 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think it’s rude, especially if you say it has more veggie options for you.

Are people really saying you should people please at the risk of being ill in a badly reviewed 3* place?

And who would get all hurty feelings because you’re going to a different takeaway? We as a family have used different takeaways for different tastes, it shouldn’t be an issue in my book.

lou123456789 · 07/12/2025 20:46

I don’t think it’s rude at all, why should you have to order from somewhere that doesn’t suit you. Mine and my husbands families quite often order from different places on the same night if someone fancies something different or doesn’t like the place that others have chosen

Unconvinced8768 · 07/12/2025 20:46

You need to learn a coping mechanism for such situations. I’d suggest just not going as your issues will make it into a big deal - people don’t get this stuff!!!
or just nibble a few deep fried things. Any bacteria will be very much dead!!!

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 07/12/2025 20:40

Yes it would be rude. Accept the invitation or don’t but don’t diss their hosting offer. I hope you didn’t do thus.

Haribomum7 · 07/12/2025 20:36

I think it is totally fine, no idea why people think it’s rude? We quite often go to several take aways as people want different things?

parallelignition · 07/12/2025 20:36

Could you afford to pay for everyone then you choose the place?

localnotail · 07/12/2025 20:34

YourLoyalPlumOP · 07/12/2025 20:33

That’s real eating disorder behaviour. We used to get taught to watch out for that.

Show quote history

Who's "we"? And OP DOES have a disorder of sorts, she is getting help for it.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 07/12/2025 20:33

localnotail · 07/12/2025 20:32

Eat beforehand and just order something, push it around the plate and dont eat?

That’s real eating disorder behaviour. We used to get taught to watch out for that.

localnotail · 07/12/2025 20:32

zigazigaaaing · 07/12/2025 20:28

I really would just go with the flow. eat beforehand, order something you vaguely like and enjoy good company. This is a non issue

Snap!

localnotail · 07/12/2025 20:32

Eat beforehand and just order something, push it around the plate and dont eat?

zigazigaaaing · 07/12/2025 20:28

I really would just go with the flow. eat beforehand, order something you vaguely like and enjoy good company. This is a non issue

gingerninja · 07/12/2025 20:26

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 11:08

It’s a bit of both but I do have severe phobias and a bit of OCD (genuine mental health issues not just a phrase that’s thrown around) so low hygiene ratings and reviews of food making people unwell terrify me - I would honestly rather starve. My partner isn’t fussed about things like that but they are very supportive of me and my struggles with issues like this

Show quote history

I have a daughter who has OCD and emetophobia. It really is awful and causes so much distress. Do you think they’d be understanding if you explained to them? OCD is so misunderstood and is so very hard to work through even with therapy so if you are planning to be together for a while then you may want to just be transparent and then it doesn’t need to look rude and there is mo misunderstanding on intent. Good luck with it x

PetuniaT · 07/12/2025 20:22

This reply has been deleted

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YourLoyalPlumOP · 07/12/2025 20:20

My daughter has emtamaphobia

she will eat beef. Beef is totally a safe food. You can eat it raw!!!

But I would go for noodles. Plain noodles with some veg. Can’t go wrong there. You’d want to stay away from any rice dishes.

BeLoyalCoralHiker · 07/12/2025 20:16

Just eat before you go and pick at the food, choose a few safe things. I know rice is a high risk food but I often tell myself as a veggie I’m less likely to get sick as meat is often the dodgy part!

Gherkinslice · 07/12/2025 20:15

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:48

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

As a fellow vegetarian, who also doesnt tolerate spicy food i would absolutely order from the one you want to order from. Yes i would tell them its because you are vegetarian and theres more choice for you there, thats honestly fair enough! They will find out you are vegetarian in any case, so it may as well be now. If the idea is for everyone to dive in and share one another's food, its something you probably would't be able to do, but thats fine, it gets the situation across nicely. Why on earth should anyone mind or be offended by this, they should just want everyone to enjoy their food. Its definitely not rude.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 07/12/2025 20:13

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:57

Even though there is hardly anything for me to eat from the menu? 🤷‍♀️

I do think it might look really unusual.

just explain to them why you’re doing it. It’s not biggie is it.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 07/12/2025 20:10

FluentOP · 07/12/2025 18:54

See link:

https://www.food.gov.uk/business-guidance/how-food-hygiene-ratings-work

3 is satisfactory. However, I wouldn’t eat anywhere less than 5. Can you recommend another takeaway to them with good reviews and hygiene rating ?

Hello, potential MIL and PIL. Your takeaway choice is shit - hygiene rating of 3 and poor reviews. Let me recommend a better one for you

IridiumSky · 07/12/2025 20:07

ProfessorBinturong · 07/12/2025 19:54

Asia's a big place; they're not all the same.

And even if everyone in the whole of Asia did follow the family-style Chinese tradition it doesn't mean the rest of the world has to do exactly the same. Especially if they have particular dietary requirements.

Show quote history

Yeah I know that. I’ve worked in most of them. OK, I’ll amend that to a generic Chinese if you prefer.

Or at least to Cantonese, Thai, Vietnamese, Khmer, Korean, Laotian, Gujarati, Mauritian and Malay. They’re the ones I know well. Plus nearly all of the Indian sub-continent and the Middle East.

I’m struggling to think of anywhere that can be described as ‘Asia’ where the enjoyment of sharing mixed meals isn’t routine. Help please - where are you thinking of? Genuine question.

And this is not a ‘requirement’. Nobody will die. It’s a preference. And probably some nonsense about the restaurant not using multiple correct-coloured chopping boards, or recording temperatures properly. That’s what causes mark-downs. Real problems - likely to cause food poisoning - result in immediate closure.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 07/12/2025 20:05

QuizNight · 07/12/2025 08:26

I was wondering why your boyfriend isn’t stepping up but then saw you haven’t spoken to him about it.

All this can easily be solved by him talking to his parents. If he knows you’re in therapy and also just really stressing, surely he’d just have a quiet word with them and ask if they mind if you order from elsewhere? They’d accept it better coming from him as they already know and love him and will know he’s being sweet by trying to help you. If you just turn up and say you’re ordering from somewhere else that would look very rude and the focus would be on you being difficult.

What I definitely wouldn’t do is pretend everything is fine. If this is their favourite takeaway to the point that they consider it worthy of hosting with for a first meet, then this takeaway is going to feature heavily in your life from now on. Get the issue resolved from the off.

Edited

Wise counsel indeed

Noddynoodle · 07/12/2025 20:03

The people who say it is rude- WTF. She’s offering to order and pay for her own food. Is it better she is ill for a few days and suffer rather than say “I hope you don’t mind but I’ve order food from xxx as I know this won’’t cause me to suffer with intolerances for a few days as I’ve tried and tested them before”. I had food poisoning from a takeaway before and when my family wanted to order from there again I said you go right ahead (they knew about my food poisoning) but I said there’s no way I’m joining you and sorted my own food- no issues