Would this be rude?

Yes it is rude. They have invited you to share a meal and you choosing food from elsewhere is saying their food isn’t for enough

i think your therapist would suggest this is a good opportunity for exposure therapy - 9-10 people happy with a place with a 3 star rating shows that it’s not really an issue, and like pp have said vegetarian food is pretty hard to spoil

fyi the chippy I always ordered from in my old house was a 1 star (I didn’t know until after I’d been ordering for some time!) and my current favourite is a 4 and looks spotless - so the ratings can be for different reasons

just pick something ‘safe’ and plain, you’ll feel very proud of yourself when you’ve done it - it’s a big thing to do as an emetephobe and you’ll also have a shared experience with your partners family

But if she’s offering to buy her own food from another local chinese that has more veggie options she will enjoy, how is that rude?

She’s not asking them to pay for it.

How does it impact them, really?

The irony of your super-strict and unaccommodating family calling other people uptight....

I think if you frame it as the other place just has a few more veggie options for you, then it wouldn’t come across as rude.

Maybe speak to your partner and just say that the other place close by has more veggie options for you to choose from that you like the look of, and you wouldn’t expect everyone else to use the same place for your benefit, so does he think his family will be ok if you pay for your own food from the other place with better options.

See what he says

Your family need to chill TF out. Why do you think someone should sideline their own comfort and preferences for your arbitrary rules? Same question to everyone else who thinks this absolute non-event is rude. This thread is a good reminder though to keep prioritising myself first, as it’s funny how much some people find offence in the most innocuous of things.

In my family that would be considered rude and you would get a reputation as an uptight PITA. The best thing to do is to eat before you go and when there order a couple of dishes you can eat (rice and some veg) and pick at them.

I am not emetic phobic but I wouldn’t eat from a place with a hygiene rating of 3.

I’d just not go. Say you’re having an IBS flare up, migraine or whatever.

Hope you're feeling better OP. .
If the situation comes up again, I don't think it would be rude to order from the other place. I haven't got a phobia like yours, but I would not knowingly choose a place with a 3 rating. That's poor. I think you can be open with them and explain that you are a stickler for hygiene and only eat at places with a 5. We all have quirks! And why not support people who run a decent kitchen?

They’ll think you’re rude and picky and talk about you behind your back BUT I eat everything and would not be ordering from somewhere with a 3 star food hygiene rating! 5 or nothing! Surely your partner isn’t happy with this?!

My mum has had a severe eating disorder almost all of her life, and I find it rather sad how inflexible and horrible people are coming across on this thread. At my wedding, I just discretely asked that the wait staff not hassle her about food, and family are generally understanding.

I'm on a particular diet pre-surgery at the moment, and I don't like asking for accommodations because people try to wheedle around the rules or else go to kind but excessive yet inaccurate efforts to provide me with something.

The people who are upright about food are the ones trying to cram their choices down other people's throats IMO!

Totally agree with your last sentence. I thought MN advocated women not people pleasing at their own detriment 🤷‍♀️

She wants to order from the other takeaway and I see no reason why she can’t.

Actually this is a standard takeaway night they always do - it is 100% up to your boyfriend to say xxx wants to come but cant eat anything so please can she come and sit with us and tet something else? Your partner should be thinking of you.

@Noodles1234 If one of my son’s gf’s wanted a different takeaway place, even on first meeting, I wouldn’t care in the slightest. For what reason would I care?

I would tell them there isnt much choice for you, can you order from somewhere else. Tbh considerate in laws would look at all those things for you!!

Sandwich first and nibble fried tofu.

Don’t be a food drama. Your mh problems don’t trump their family gathering.

If they do, you won’t be going to many more.

Can you duck out of this event?

if you're struggling with the food options and will spend a lot of time worrying about it, you may be better off not going.

look after you, nobody else will, and definitely don't eat anything to please other people.

When you're n a fairly fledgling status of a relationship I think you have to be a bit flexible. Being nervous around food I am sure can cause a tummy upset. However I would suggest:
Either

1. ask your partner to suggest everyone orders from this other place as maybe he’s heard rave reviews and fancies a certain dish etc.
2. just order rice and vegetables from their current place, they have been gracious and invited you over just enjoy and eat with good Grace. If they push for reasons for no dish, you could admit to not seeing something on the menu and happy to keep to rice and vegetables. If it’s while ordering if you remain calm and happy rhey may suggest an alternative but keep it light. Talking down their favourite place may not go down well.

Food stars can be issued for lack of paperwork, didnt Gordon Ramsey get a 1 for rubbish admin?

In the future gently suggest you’ve heard really good things about the other place and bright and breezy suggest you could all try there next time especially as they have a vegetarian dish you really want to try as you read about it in a local article. They may be intrigued, want to please you and allow, then if they switch back you could gently ask if you can cheekily pop there on the way and collect that amazing dish. I just think it’s something to do more in an established routine.

People pleasing I guess. It doesn’t make sense otherwise. It’s not like they own and cook in the takeaway.

I was always ‘that’ girl, and I probably still am, but my DH and his family accept me completely. Don’t settle for less! Being involved with a man from a bitchy family isn’t worth it.

If eating food you actually enjoy, that you paid for yourself, is considered rude to them I wouldn’t care too much for their opinion. I consider a host not adequately catering to the dietary requirements of their guests quite rude tbf.

People make stuff up on here unfortunately.

I think it’s fine OP! Just say would you mind if I order some from the other place as there’s more choice. Wouldn’t bother me at all. You can pick them up at the same time.

I would never order from a takeaway I knew had a 3* rating.

I don't understand why people think it's rude. I think you should do it. They won't bat an eyelid. just don't tell them it is because of the hygiene rating. I am with you. I don't eat from restaurants with a 3 star rating. My preference is 5 but I will tolerate 4

Eat properly before, this sort of thing is about a shared experience, so could you order a few token things you feel comfortable with rather than distancing yourself?

Ours is always fresh. Thy can see them cooking it