Would this be rude?

The next time it comes up, I'd run it by your partner, but I can't see any issue. You have very specific dietary needs, and if you're picking up the food yourselves, there won't be a long wait between the arrival of the food.

Even if I thought someone was being picky, I can't imagine caring, under those circumstances. I'd much rather have this solution than for someone to go hungry or eat something they didn't really enjoy.

Sounds like an "EXCUSE".....

Ha yes. Ironic really.

Take your own food! I do this a lot. Can't tolerate garlic or fatty foods. No issues 🤷‍♀️

Your family sounds absolutely barking. Power dynamics? It's a meal, not the Soviet Central Committee. Taking 15 years to realise someone's not playing your stupid games? Your SiL is the only sensible one in this scenario.

Hi @MyrtlethePurpleTurtle

I see you've spent the evening passing remarks towards posters, including me, who wouldn't eat at a dirty place.

Obviously, your food hygiene standards are pretty low but, if you would be so kind as to let give you a small, but rather personal, piece of advice:

Have you ever wondered why you are a Purple Turtle?

I ask because that's not a normal colour for turtles, you know and it might be linked to your indiscriminate eating of any old shite.

Follow my advice: don't eat food that fails basic hygiene and you might find your self restored to the colour you should be, a lovely shade of green or gray.

Alas for humans, turning green or gray is not desirable but could be achieved after eating at a below par food establishment. That is why we avoid them, that and a case of the squits of course.

Just read the thread and wondered how the op got on with the meal tonight. Hope it was resolved without any upset .

That's good, but how do you know the one the OP is talking about is the same? Different places are, well, different.

Some cook everything fresh. Some batch cook earlier in the day and reheat. Some reheat over the course of several days - witch can lose them marks on the hygiene rating if it's poorly stored or not adequately labelled. Some have open kitchen, some have closed ones. Even ones that make each dish to order will have some pre-prepped ingredients for speed and efficiency.

I would understand so maybe your bfs family would also get it. Lots of our family members have food intolerances, IBF etc so we are careful what we order and where from. One option is you and your bf offer to pick up takeaway and you get yours from the one with the higher rating and also the one they normally order from. As long as you are paying for yours why should they worry?

Most cultures will have some meals with shared dishes - as the British do for family dining at home. But it's far less universal for restaurant meals - for example in Japan it's more common to stick to your own dish (one of the reasons their chopsticks are shorter than Chinese ones) in many types of restaurant - and a takeaway blurs the 2 traditions.

Not that it matters because the OP is neither Asian nor in Asia. Italians would be horrified by the way American (and most Brits) eat takeaway pizza, but that doesn't mean everyone has to switch to their way of doing things.

And did you miss the bit about vegetarianism and food intolerances? No, she almost certainly won't die but she could be in significant physical discomfort for several days if she eats the wrong thing.

Why are you suggesting that someone ordering a takeaway and, god forbid, EATING it, are Neanderthals? What an utterly ridiculous thing to say. It’s not like by sharing the meals between people means you somehow eat “better” or eat “less”. You’d eat the same, and if you couldn’t finish you save it for next day like a normal person?

And nope, didn’t say anything about anyone ordering more than one dish each? Not sure where you made that up from?

How THE FUCK could it possibly equate to eating all the roast potatoes at a roast? 🤣🤣 you’re not very good at analogies are you? That would be the equivalent of your “double dipping” buffet where one person steals all the pineapple from the sweet and sour! 🤦🏻‍♀️ a Chinese meal is a complete meal, like a full roast dinner.

And no, never invited an Asian person.

As I say, I don’t object to dish sharing but it’s far from rude to order your own dish for your own tastes. It’s absolutely and perfectly normal.

It doesn’t impact them at all and there is no real reason they should care - but as you know social etiquette is not necessarily rational. There are power dynamics and weird family dynamics and so on at play, which OP may not care to engage in, but which will impact how others see her for years to come. In every family scenario I have been in whether that’s my own, a friend’s or a partners’ it would be considered the height of rudeness to declare the takeaway the family are using is not for you and you are ordering from elsewhere. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, just how it is.

I actually have a SiL who completely refuses to engage in our family power dynamics and doesn’t ever do something she doesn’t want to do for the sake of peace. She would definitely order her own takeaway if she didn’t like what we were having. However, she has been in our family 15 years and it took a while before everyone realised she really didn’t give a shit what we thought of her and was going to meet her own needs first. I admire her, but it’s not easy when all the family are together and more often than not she now doesn’t come/doesn’t stay for long if she does come. So it has affected my sibling’s relationship with the family to some degree.

Honestly, if you were my guest, as long as your approach to the situation wasn't self righteous, then it wouldn't bother me at all. Stear away from anything like your Chinese takeaway isn't as hygienic as the one I use as it makes you sound awful even though I get your reasons behind it is a phobia.
A polite WhatsApp to the host beforehand saying something along the lines of ' hope you dont mind but due to my dietary limitations, would you be ok for me to bring my own takeaway from down the road as I know the ingredients list well and know they wont triggermy intolerancs which could spoil the evening 🙈. So sorry to be a pain, I'll organise my own collection etc so as to not disrupt the main ordering of food etc I'm more than happy for anyone to try my dishes too if they fancy some! I'm really looking forward to spending Friday night with you all. See you then!
I've often had takeaway nights with family and friends where orders have been from several different places because of everyone's preferences. I'd rather everyone ate something they enjoyed!

I feel you OP. IBS, allergies and intolances rule my life. I am lucky that my family/extended family understand and are considerate.

Does anyone on Mumsnet not have emetophobia?

It wouldn't bother me if you wanted to order from somewhere different, although I wouldn't make a big deal about the hygiene rating if you don't want to risk offending anyone.

Nope I have no food phobia s but wouldn’t eat from a takeaway rated 3 and vegetable / rice dishes can ‘spoil ‘as you put it. Even if I didn’t think it was going to make me ill .unhygienic food preparation would just put me off.

I think people MUST just be having fun putting the boot in - I just don't believe so many people/their families would actually judge someone for this, and yet believe OP is the uptight, difficult, high-maintenance one! They are.

In the days I could afford takeaways there were occasions when one of us had Chinese, one Indian and the other a pizza. No one cried or got angsty.

It’s not their food, it’s a bloody takeaway!!

I’m genuinely shocked at the people pleasing shite on here. Who is so emotionally invested in everyone ordering from the same takeaway, it’s barmy.

I genuinely wouldn’t care about this at all. Sometimes DP and I order from different restaurants because we don’t fancy the same thing. I truly don’t understand why anyone would be offended by this. Especially given the circumstances. Start as you mean to go on. Don’t stifle your needs and preferences to try and please other people because they rarely are. Please yourself!

Why would they do that? I wouldn’t do that to either of my son’s gfs? In fact the first time I met one of them she came to stay for a few days. She didn’t like one of the ingredients I put in the stew on the very first night, so I picked them out for her before putting out her plate. No annoyance, or talking about her behind her back. She told my son after she had a lovely time as her family are very argumentative so it was an eye opener to be with a family so chill.

'Special treatment'?

Gosh, heaven forbid that OP should fail to blend in with the flock, eh... 🙄

I disagree. I dont eat at places with a low hygiene rating lol and Im not scared of vomit in the slightest. Im surprised at a mumsnet thread being so full of people pleasing!

If you're picking up the food, get whatever you want from the other place and tell everyone you won a voucher for a free meal in a Christmas raffle and decided to use it.