Would this be rude?

Nah I don't think it is rude if you organise and pay for it yourself. I would do the same as you just for the hygiene reason.

You're lucky that you can use the vegetarian thing as an excuse, it's a perfect get-out clause!

I don’t think it’s rude. I’d actually wonder why they want to order from somewhere that’s rated 3 star rather than 5. If anything I’d use that as an excuse over the limited options and vegetarian reasoning. The latter could just seem picky but actually most people I know would rather eat from a hygienic establishment.

OP has been invited to join in a communal family experience, presumably because the family sees her growing closer to their DS and wants to welcome her into the fold.
She was invited to have a takeaway from their favourite Chinese. Ordering from a different Chinese means she is no longer partaking in what was offered.

I can just about see ordering from say the chippie and saying you don’t like Chinese food, but getting the same type of food from a different option is unusual and does make the OP seem - IMHO- somewhat high maintenance. Effectively that’s true as based on what OP has said so far, she is highly unlikely to go with the flow for say a meal out or a holiday where one is required to eat out publicly most of the time.

Also - isn't it unusual for the hosts to choose the takeaway for everyone? When I've gone to people's places for a takeaway or vice versa, we've decided together where to order from (or to have things from - gasp - different places) rather than someone just dictating.

@RegusGirl , If pushed, I'd go for plain boiled rice and seasonal vegetables.
I wouldn't be fine with stir fry.

OP has issues with the low hygiene recipe, so not joining in at all is IMO the only option.

The vegetarian excuse is weak. I’m vegetarian and I don’t think I’ve ever been to a restaurant or used a take away that doesn’t offer something. Every Chinese will have chips, egg friend rice, vegetable spring rolls, plain noodles.

Your issue is clearly the hygiene rating and your phobia. If your partner is aware he should be letting his family know and giving them the heads up before you get there and don’t order.

I wouldn’t order from another place, that does look rude. I’d either eat before hand or take something from home.

But why would you care if she WAS snubbing your choice?! Does everyone think they are the arbiter of taste? I'm sure I love loads of things that other people would think are horrible, so why would it bother me if they wanted something they'd actually like? All this "picking at sides" to "fit in" - why? What is the actual point of behaving like this?

I wouldn't find this remotely rude. If you're discreet and polite about it, there's nothing wrong with ordering from a more suitable menu for yourself. The drama queens are out in force on this thread.

I think you would be better off eating at home beforehand and say that you wanted to join in with the occasion but because you have some digestive issues, you are better off avoiding Chinese takeaway.

Ordering from a different takeaway is effectively snubbing their choice. Maybe it deserves to be snubbed because of the poor hygiene rating, but I doubt his family will thank you for bringing it up.

If DS brought a GF to the house for a takeaway and she placed an order somewhere else, I would of course pretend it was fine but I would have the person marked down as high maintenance and I wouldn’t rush to invite you round again.

Just ask for a vegetable stir fry. You’ll be fine.

I think it would be way ruder to ask everyone to change. Absolutely don’t mention hygiene as an issue, but ask your partner to voice that you’ll get your own from other place as more veggie options and you have delicate stomach. Ive done this before as I don’t eat chili & I’ve never had anyone suggest it’s an issue. Obviously on night if yours arrives first you wait for theirs so you’re eating together

I can't even begin to understand what's rude about this. You're not rejecting food they're cooking, and if you phrase it as being about there being more vegetarian options available, it's not even like you're pointing out that it's weird that they don't mind eating from a place with a low hygiene rating (I wouldn't eat from there either). You still get the shared experience of eating together. How could it possibly be seen as rude? It's much ruder to create an expectation that other adults have to eat what you want them to eat, even though they could just as easily order from somewhere else, with no impact on them whatsoever.

I'd just order boiled rice,chips and a veg curry to save making an issue

I think it’s fine if you get ahead of it. Either on the what’s ap group before on when you arrive ‘sorry guys I’ve got some dietry requirements so I’m going to order from this place. I’m happy to order for anyone else too if you want to look at the menus here’ (only if you are happy to order for others obviously).

but if yours arrives before you need to wait to eat it. And if it arrives after def do a ‘of course you all start without me’

I don't think I'd care tbh OP. The best person to ask is your bloke though.

I don't understand if you have so many issues around eating and food you agreed to go and eat food ?

What a bunch of bloody weirdos! “Christmas is going to order her own from the Golden Chopsticks, she’s a veggie and they have more choice”. Okay, that’s fine - we are picking ours up from The Filthy Wok at 8, if that works? THAT is how real life works.

It’s awkward to order from two places, what if the food arrives at different times etc. Perfectly reasonable options are a) get your partner to suggest ordering from your preferred place as there are much better veggie options or b) eat beforehand and then just stick to picking at ‘safe things’, it’s doubtful anyone would notice if you ate nothing at all. Do not mention food hygiene ratings AT ALL or at least until you know them all better!

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, I don’t know why everyone is saying it’s rude. You’re going to enjoy their company, aswell as a meal right - my Family wouldn't give it a seconds thought!

My family are relaxed so wouldn't bother us but if this is the first time you're meeting the family it may feel a bit awkward to do this.

I'd just eat beforehand and only eat a little bit while you're there. Chinese has plenty of mild vegetarian options so you'll find something you like surely.

If your DP supportive, just speak to him about it. He’ll be able to advise if his family would care or not. You’re worrying without actually getting the facts first.

I don't think it would be rude at all.

Honestly, i would order from elsewhere 😄

Otherwise you will be awkward and anxious all night

But maybe take some prawn crackers or something, and drink everything you're offered xx

Definitely do not ask them to consider ordering from your place instead!!

I don't see any issue with you bringing or collection your own food. If you were asking other people to pay for or collect your food or messing up the timings of the meal together that would be different but this I wouldn't care in the slightest. The mark of a good host is to allow your guests to be comfortable and this takes zero effort on the hosts part in this situation. Just have your partner explain it to the family that your stomachs a bit sensitive and you know you can eat safely from this other place so that's what you'll do, if they are offended they are poor hosts and unwelcoming family members imo.

It’s one meal. Messing about now will make other people uncomfortable therefore yes rude. Order some rice and stir fry veg or something and enjoy the night. Focus off the food and on the interesting new people.