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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this be rude?

510 replies

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:48

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

OP posts:
JifNtGif · 06/12/2025 21:57

How about... Tell them it only has a 3 hygiene rating and that you should all order from somewhere with a 5.

Ohnobackagain · 06/12/2025 21:47

@Christmas20 you might feel better if you read up on how the scores work? 3 is actually ‘generally satisfactory’. Often it can be admin rather than hygiene for example. Take a look:
www.food.gov.uk/safety-hygiene/food-hygiene-rating-scheme

Flowertopz · 06/12/2025 21:32

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 11:06

I haven’t mentioned it yet so I don’t know, my partner is usually quite supportive though and knows how I feel about food and stuff, so I imagine they would be supportive about it regardless of how their family felt about it. The other place is quite expensive, so I wouldn’t want them all to switch to that takeaway just on my account. We are collecting the food and the places are on the same road so it wouldn’t be too much of an issue

Show quote history

If your going to collect it yourself and it's in the same road then noone needs to no . Just order there's run down order yours and go back and enjoy it .

notmynamenamename · 06/12/2025 21:28

Op I’m with you, I wouldn’t want to fork out for a meal from somewhere I wouldn’t enjoy it especially a scuzzy place.
i would say that the place isn’t great for your intolerances (don’t mention the rating!), I’d pre warn his parents in advance that you plan to order from somewhere else. Be clear you don’t expect them to change their plans.
if they are nice non judgy people they will be fine with it .
the only other option is to not go.

GiveafuckGertrude · 06/12/2025 21:26

I wouldn’t be bothered by this at all. It’s not like they’ve cooked and you’ve ordered takeaway instead. Just cannot imagine caring where someone wants to order their food from

JillMW · 06/12/2025 21:23

Tbh you might food poisoning from the other place. I think it looks rude to order something from an expensive alternative place. Could you not just bring yourself a meal you made to reheat? That would seem to fit better with your story.

DuchessofStaffordshire · 06/12/2025 21:20

You may have already answered this, apologies if so, but are you receiving therapy for your many and varied issues?
If I were you, I would opt for a simple noodle dish and excuse yourself by apologising and saying that you're maybe feeling a little under the weather at the moment. I'd also arrive with a bottle in hand (find out what their preference is beforehand) and perhaps a homemade pudding to foster a good relationship. Good luck.

DuchessofStaffordshire · 06/12/2025 21:16

DeftGoldHedgehog · 06/12/2025 11:14

TBH they sound rude and inconsiderate, and actually a bit bonkers or scabby to order from somewhere with only a 3* hygiene rating. Bleurgh. YANDBU to get your own, and who cares if they think it's rude? If they do then they aren't worth bothering with or gaining the good opinion of anyway.

Very diplomatic.

WonderingAndOverthinking · 06/12/2025 21:05

If you were coming to my house and did this, and explained why, I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all 🤷🏻‍♀️ Takeaways are expensive so I’d rather people have what they want.

Saying that though, I wouldn’t be ordering from a 3 star food hygiene rated takeaway in the first place…..

AgentPidge · 06/12/2025 21:01

A takeaway? I think it's fine. Just say you're not keen on Chinese food. It's not as if you're taking your own food to their house, or a restaurant.

OhYeahOhYeah · 06/12/2025 20:46

Christmas20 · 06/12/2025 10:57

Even though there is hardly anything for me to eat from the menu? 🤷‍♀️

Hey listen, if you’re paying for your own food and you’re not going to eat it from the other place then I’d just say ‘there isn’t anything I fancy here but I’ll pay for and get delivered from XYZ’

ScrimMN · 06/12/2025 20:41

You’re not BU at all op,

sorry but I think it’s so weird that people would get together and order food, only to put it all on the table and just dip into the common stock despite the fact that not everyone will like what someone else might have ordered.

I would be way more interested in my grown child’s partner being able to relax and enjoy the
evening that what food choices were made

hepsitemiz · 06/12/2025 20:24

Your partner should explain the situation to your family, and if they’re half decent people they should be bending over backwards to accommodate you and make sure you’re looked after.

Its very poor form if anyone makes an issue of this or leaves you feeling uncomfortable

Sandalsandbreadsticks · 06/12/2025 20:23

I think that they may think you are rude, but it's also not wrong to prioritise your health. Just because other people don't think it's a big deal to eat from places with poor food hygiene doesn't mean you have to go along with it. I think if it was approached sensitively and your partner stuck up for you, it could be ok. At the end of the day you have to think about what kind of relationship you want with them going forward - do you want to permanently neglect your own needs and make yourself ill for the sake of making a certain impression in their eyes? Or is it better to risk being seen as awkward, rude, picky etc., and then hope to win them over with your good qualities while protecting your own health?

Saltnchilli · 06/12/2025 20:19

I’ve I was the host I wouldn’t find you rude at all. My DD is a veggie and I often take things to gathering for her to make sure she has something to eat that she likes. I don’t know if people have thought that rude. I find it rude that people are not considerate for others diets,

LoveMySushi · 06/12/2025 20:15

Most chinese dishes can be made vegetarian. Just ask them to swap the meat for tofu or veg 🤷🏻‍♀️

MaplePumpkin · 06/12/2025 20:10

I’m torn on this one. On one hand I do think it looks rude/weird etc but also… it’s your partner’s family, they should know about your eating issues and want to accommodate. As this won’t be the first or last time this will happen surely. But if you don’t see them often and don’t want to cause a fuss, I’d probably rather eat an early dinner at home beforehand and just pick at some spring rolls or something

JoWilkinsonsno1fan · 06/12/2025 20:06

It would be rude, could you order something plain? I have stomach issues and always say no sauce or can you add this sauce to noodles etc, or could your partner say - theres a bit more choice at xxx takeaway and if its more expensive you pay.

Sally2791 · 06/12/2025 20:04

Do what you are comfortable with, it’s not inconveniencing anyone else. If they even notice it’s their problem!

Mrsgus · 06/12/2025 19:59

Have you had meals from either takeaway before? If not how do you know what the dishes will be like? You could have a flare up from the 5 star takeaway too!!
Ratings aren't all that, there is a Chinese near us which has a 3 but is always packed as the food is so lovely.

Comefromaway · 06/12/2025 19:53

Fellow emetophobe with Arfid/food sensory issues.

I don’t think it’s rude. I’d simply say sorry I’m not able to eat anything from x so I will go to y instead.

Delatron · 06/12/2025 19:48

Rice is hugely risky for food poisoning. I just wouldn’t risk it.

Picklejuiceleak · 06/12/2025 19:46

As a fellow emetophobia sufferer, I completely understand where you are coming from. I wouldn’t eat from a three star place either.

I don’t think it’s rude but even if it is, I’d rather come across a bit rude than spend two days panicking about getting ill.

Personally, I’d explain my phobia to hopefully lessen the perceived rudeness.

Picklejuiceleak · 06/12/2025 19:43

ThisLittlePony · 06/12/2025 10:59

Hardly anything? No noodles, rice, veg dishes at all? What’s the options?
is this the emetephobia speaking really? What help are you getting with it?

Edited

Of course it’s the emetophobia speaking. It dominates your life.

IamnotSethRogan · 06/12/2025 19:39

Look, you're not being unreasonable at all but yeah, some people.will find it a bit weird and rude.

Your choices are order something from the restaurant they're eating at, eat a small amount and hope for the best or order something from the other place and have some of them think you're a bit weird and rude.

I'd love it if we lived in a society where people all understood eachothers mental and physical health struggles, but the reality is we don't.