Would this be rude?

The ones who think this is rude are infact the ones who are high maintenance and PITA.

Live and let live. It's a take away. Anyone who can be in a grump because you ordered from a take away just up the road that have more things you like - and could actually find reason to be offended by this have way too much time on their hands.

It's literally a ooooh Chinese, lovely! I'm going to order from X up the road though because they have more vegetarian options. I can pick it up on the way, let me know if you want me to stop by and collect yours too. Does anyone else want to look at the menu before I go?

tldl: I'm going against what seems to be the consensus that it's rude. I'd 100% speak to them beforehand, or ask your partner to, explaining your issues and order from your place. They may change their minds if their takeaways ratings are mentioned.

Where? I can't see that she's said anything at all about them apart from the fact they have regular takeaway evenings and like Chinese food. It's many of the posters on this thread who are stuck in their ways.

starve yourself?
Come on. It's possibly not having exactly what you want for one evening meal so that it's not awkward. You are sounding quite entitled. This is a problem these days, people think that they shouldn't be inconvenienced iota for the benefit of something else. Invoking mental health trauma as some sort of catch all for behaviour.

No it wouldn't be rude if you said you'd found a great place and shared the menu with them ahead of time. . If they want to avoid tummy issues, they'll follow suit.

If they insist, I'd take my own food and say I'm on a diet.

Because from what she’s said they sound like they’re quite stuck in their ways!

I'm glad you've come to this conclusion OP.

The phrase that comes to mind is "you do you". I can't see why choosing your own food from another venue is an issue for anyone else. You're still there for the social occasion what does it matter what food you have or where it's from? Like you say if someone takes issue with this then really it's their problem, not yours, and who wants to hang out with such petty people?

Hope any future occasions go well and you're able to enjoy the evening with food you enjoy from a place that feels safe.

Take care x

Well, I would eat beforehand so I wasn’t hungry, order a very vanilla rice and vegetables dish, pick discreetly at it, and focus on making really sparkling conversation with the other guests so nobody noticed what I wasn’t or was not eating. I would just sort of vanish from the scene, OP.

Well done. You sound stronger, which is great. I hope you enjoy your meal.

What happened to you was horrendous, but many people (including me) have to make food choices that have absolutely nothing to do with anybody else. I remember someone talking on the radio about how she went blind because she had diabetes and couldn't find it in herself to say no when people offered her this and that. So, she went blind for the sake of not being seen to be a pita.

Food ratings from the scores on the doors issued by local authorities isn’t just to do with the hygiene standards it’s to do with their paperwork and record keeping’s too.
if it’s reviews left by customers a majority of them isn’t genuine, sometimes other places get customers to put on negative reviews on their competitors website

Personally, I don't see what the fuss is about. I have been in similar situations and ordered from other food outlets that have a better choice for vegans, especially if those outlets are close to each other, it makes no difference to anyone else. Everyone gets to eat what they want. Everyone eats their own choice or shares with others if they're in agreement.

As long as it's discussed beforehand, I think all you'd need to say is that the other place has choices you'd prefer, as you know those won't upset your stomach, so you'll order yours from there and collect at the same time.

No-one's ever made any comment about it, especially if what they've order would really cause me issues due to ingredients I'm sensitive or allergic to. I'm amazed so many pp's think this would be rude.

I don’t see it as an issue at all OP. Why would they take offence? They’re not cooking the food! If my child brought a partner to take away night and the partner explained they’re going to order something from elsewhere because of dietary requirements, I would not be offended at all. Would likely offer to pay and order for them because I’m welcoming them into my home and would want them to feel comfortable. People are far too quick to take offence over something they shouldn’t.

Of course it isnt rude!!! Cant you talk to your partner and ask them to just ordered from the other one cos you have more options? That would be so easy and no fuss at all. Do not eat from a three star restaurant!! They won’t keep the veggie and meat separate

Well done OP. I love the part in your post about not making yourself small on purpose to fit in.

I hope you have a lovely evening. Enjoy your Chinese x

It’s not rude at all! I would do it

My DD12 has emetophobia (unsure where it came from, but suspect linked to ND). Worryingly, she has already noticed food hygiene ratings outside restaurants. If she thought any food would put her at any risk whatsoever, there's no way she'd eat it. It can be a debilitating phobia, OP, so I sympathise. If it were me and having to sort out similar on DD's behalf, I'd probably mention the phobia in advance (but not the star rating lest it sounds critical, nor too much background - I think most people accept phobias as not always logical) and say you don't want to put anyone to any trouble, so would it be ok if you order something from down the road and jump in with whoever's going to collect? If they're nice people, they'll understand. Or at least accept it graciously. Good luck 😊

Yes it sounds grim to be fair. Having learned more about the back story I actually thjnk it’s probably best for OP to either bring her own food or order her own. Explaining as one póster has suggested that she’s got a sensitive stomach or is currently on a special diet might help remove any awkwardness.

Why is getting her own food, that in no way impacts them, making things "about her"? The levels of pointless people-pleasing some posters expect stuns me.

Odd to not eat from a restaurant with 3* hygiene???

Just bring your own, explain you have a very sensitive stomach, and honestly people shouldn't dwell on it any more than that, unless they want to be nasty. There's no need to be shy and retiring about it. Be assertive and friendly, thats all.
If anyone speaks out about it there taking the piss.

Good for you, but this scenario is different.

That's part of being a vegetarian. Not long ago there would have been none, or one option. Accept you are the minority. Appreicate that small menus = better quality. Respect your partners family and friends. You are joining them, this isn't and shouldn't be about you.

Both my son’s gf’s have food issues, one is medical, one is psychological. I’d have to be the potential mil from hell if I was offended or felt slighted by their food preferences.

When my son’s gf came to stay, the first time I’d met her, she didn’t like an ingredient I’d put in the stew. My son told me and I just scooped out the ingredient before serving it up. Not once did I think she was rude, I found her lovely. I’ve always fostered open, honest communication in my family.