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Original poster

Drunk mates staying over

92 replies

ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 08:56

Last night oh turned up at 1am with 2 other men all really drunk. One of them i know a little bit and the other i had never met before.
We have 3 kids, 14, 5 and 5 month old.
Oh said they're staying over. I said no they're not.
The one that i know a little bit stayed over after a night out last week and eldest dd said she felt uncomfortable when she came down to breakfast and there was just a random man there.
The week before that another of his mates stayed over who i do know really well and kids know him but he was that drunk he wet the bed and was all left for me to clean up.
I put my foot down last night and said they absolutely were not staying over. I don't feel comfortable with it and it's not a doss house where every drunk idiot can use it as a hotel.
Oh thinks I'm being ridiculous and unfair. I think I'm just protecting myself and the kids?

OP posts:
Mnnui · 06/12/2025 23:55

ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 23:41

So the replies on here have shocked me because i didn't think him going out and not doing housework was that bad.
It was just the turning up with people expecting me to be okay with them staying over which i thought was bad.
Don't get me wrong sometimes I'm shattered and would like him to help, but surely it's more common that men don't help? I can't imagine my oh ever cooking tea or washing up or hoovering. Maybe i am just being taken for a mug

Christ your standards are on the floor!

My DH does the majority of it all as my 'job' is the baby!

Sunflower459 · 06/12/2025 23:50

ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 23:41

So the replies on here have shocked me because i didn't think him going out and not doing housework was that bad.
It was just the turning up with people expecting me to be okay with them staying over which i thought was bad.
Don't get me wrong sometimes I'm shattered and would like him to help, but surely it's more common that men don't help? I can't imagine my oh ever cooking tea or washing up or hoovering. Maybe i am just being taken for a mug

OP, if he wants a tradwife he needs to be a tradhusband. That means being the sole breadwinner. He’s not. So he should be doing his share. Yes, I’m afraid he’s very much taking the ever-loving piss here. He’s also a shit father.

Tiswa · 06/12/2025 23:50

ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 23:41

So the replies on here have shocked me because i didn't think him going out and not doing housework was that bad.
It was just the turning up with people expecting me to be okay with them staying over which i thought was bad.
Don't get me wrong sometimes I'm shattered and would like him to help, but surely it's more common that men don't help? I can't imagine my oh ever cooking tea or washing up or hoovering. Maybe i am just being taken for a mug

You thought him refusing to do housework because he works wasn’t that bad

dear god no I think it is actually rare than men do nothing like yours does or refuses. Not doing 50/50 yes common but nothing no

yes you are being taken for a mug

Worse than that though he cares nothing about the comfort of your 14 year old at all

travelallthetime · 06/12/2025 23:50

ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 23:41

So the replies on here have shocked me because i didn't think him going out and not doing housework was that bad.
It was just the turning up with people expecting me to be okay with them staying over which i thought was bad.
Don't get me wrong sometimes I'm shattered and would like him to help, but surely it's more common that men don't help? I can't imagine my oh ever cooking tea or washing up or hoovering. Maybe i am just being taken for a mug

It’s absolutely not normal. My OH has a very serious/stressfull job and works very long hours.
he does most of the ironing, cleans the bathroom and the downstairs toilet and cleans up after I’ve made tea. He also sticks a load in the wash if I don’t get to it first and will run the hoover round sometimes.
he also doesn’t go out every weekend, maybe once a month, probably not even that to be fair.
if his mate stayed over and kissed the bed then my husband would be cleaning it up, I wouldn’t even have to ask him.
this is not normal

Sunflower459 · 06/12/2025 23:48

40 year old father of three wanting a sleepover with his mates is a new one on me. If he did a modicum of parenting he might understand why this behaviour is putting your kids at risk. I couldn’t stay with him. I couldn’t dredge up enough respect for him to make it work.

Original poster
ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 23:41

So the replies on here have shocked me because i didn't think him going out and not doing housework was that bad.
It was just the turning up with people expecting me to be okay with them staying over which i thought was bad.
Don't get me wrong sometimes I'm shattered and would like him to help, but surely it's more common that men don't help? I can't imagine my oh ever cooking tea or washing up or hoovering. Maybe i am just being taken for a mug

OP posts:
Pinkladyapplepie · 06/12/2025 14:19

Bikergran · 06/12/2025 11:13

He'd have been paying for a new mattress if it was my house!!!

Show quote history

Could not agree more.

JHound · 06/12/2025 14:17

Your husband sounds like another one of those of men who wants a wife and kids but not to be a husband and father.

Not to be rude but at times I feel like a sad spinster but then stories like this snap me out of it.

He is acting like a single man.

JHound · 06/12/2025 14:14

Ilovemychocolate · 06/12/2025 09:04

Ridiculous!
Also why did you clean up the piss when it was your husbands mate that wet the bed?

This was my question too.

IsawwhatIsaw · 06/12/2025 14:10

@ZippyBlueViper
to say you cleaned this disgusting mess up simply because you knew your H would have never done it, is really bad
why on earth are you responsible?
Sorry to say but this man doesn’t seem to respect or care for you.

banananas1999 · 06/12/2025 13:40

ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 08:56

Last night oh turned up at 1am with 2 other men all really drunk. One of them i know a little bit and the other i had never met before.
We have 3 kids, 14, 5 and 5 month old.
Oh said they're staying over. I said no they're not.
The one that i know a little bit stayed over after a night out last week and eldest dd said she felt uncomfortable when she came down to breakfast and there was just a random man there.
The week before that another of his mates stayed over who i do know really well and kids know him but he was that drunk he wet the bed and was all left for me to clean up.
I put my foot down last night and said they absolutely were not staying over. I don't feel comfortable with it and it's not a doss house where every drunk idiot can use it as a hotel.
Oh thinks I'm being ridiculous and unfair. I think I'm just protecting myself and the kids?

Why are u with such trash, is that what u want kids to be exposed to

Bananalanacake · 06/12/2025 13:38

I was about to ask if he's the father of your DC but he must be as you said 'we have 3 kids' . I hope the one who wet the bed was suitably mortified at this and bought you a new mattress and bedding, if he doesn't give a shit he's not staying over again.

Cinai · 06/12/2025 11:23

ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 10:50

Well that's reassuring to know it's not me being unfair!

So i cleaned the bedding because Oh would never have done it. He does zero house work, says because he works he will not do it. Can't be bothered arguing about it so i just do it. (I work as well but that's a whole other argument)

We live rurally so to be fair taxis are a no go but i think they should be arranging lifts etc not relying on being able to stay here.
Oh is 40.

We've got 2 spare bedrooms so he was saying I'm being unreasonable because we have the space for people to stay.

I said I'm happy for people to stay if

  1. They're people we know,
  2. it's prearranged so the kids know before they go to bed and don't wake up and wonder who on earth is at kitchen table
  3. Not just because they've got too drunk and can't get themselves home.

His response was he's going out again today with one of them so it made sense for them to stay. Anyway they didn't stay and I've made it very clear if he turns up with people tonight they won't be staying either.

I don't go out because baby is exclusively breast fed, i didn't really drink anyway even before baby, i don't like being hungover the next day because I've all the kids to sort, and i struggle for childcare.

I love being with the kids and genuinely enjoy their company more than a boozy night out.
Last night we had a movie night and watched the grinch. Today we're going to Christmas lights, ice skating, and Christmas market. That's my perfect weekend to be honest.

You sound lovely and far too good for this man!

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/12/2025 11:15

Your husband (and his mates) sound like alcoholic wastes of space.

Completely entitled behaviour. And you have indulged it for too long. No way on God’s earth would I clean up after some bloke who has wet the bed in a drunken stupor. I wouldn’t even do this for my partner.

Has he always had a problem with alcohol?

Bikergran · 06/12/2025 11:13

Ilovemychocolate · 06/12/2025 09:04

Ridiculous!
Also why did you clean up the piss when it was your husbands mate that wet the bed?

He'd have been paying for a new mattress if it was my house!!!

overnightangel · 06/12/2025 11:11

ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 10:50

Well that's reassuring to know it's not me being unfair!

So i cleaned the bedding because Oh would never have done it. He does zero house work, says because he works he will not do it. Can't be bothered arguing about it so i just do it. (I work as well but that's a whole other argument)

We live rurally so to be fair taxis are a no go but i think they should be arranging lifts etc not relying on being able to stay here.
Oh is 40.

We've got 2 spare bedrooms so he was saying I'm being unreasonable because we have the space for people to stay.

I said I'm happy for people to stay if

  1. They're people we know,
  2. it's prearranged so the kids know before they go to bed and don't wake up and wonder who on earth is at kitchen table
  3. Not just because they've got too drunk and can't get themselves home.

His response was he's going out again today with one of them so it made sense for them to stay. Anyway they didn't stay and I've made it very clear if he turns up with people tonight they won't be staying either.

I don't go out because baby is exclusively breast fed, i didn't really drink anyway even before baby, i don't like being hungover the next day because I've all the kids to sort, and i struggle for childcare.

I love being with the kids and genuinely enjoy their company more than a boozy night out.
Last night we had a movie night and watched the grinch. Today we're going to Christmas lights, ice skating, and Christmas market. That's my perfect weekend to be honest.

And he’d rather go out with his mates than do this? You’d be better off without him tbh

SilverPink · 06/12/2025 11:09

Tiswa · 06/12/2025 11:03

Why are you with this man OP why? He doesn’t respect you, doesn’t respect your daughter and looks to be a completely detached father

This. You both have completely different ideas of what relationships and parenting are like. Another day, another woman posting about her shitty partner. Who are these men?!

Tiswa · 06/12/2025 11:03

Why are you with this man OP why? He doesn’t respect you, doesn’t respect your daughter and looks to be a completely detached father

KookyPinkHare · 06/12/2025 11:01

There is a very serious problem with disrespect here.
Bringing home drunks and being drunk himself is bad enough, but if I ever had to clear up my husband's drunken mate's piss, I would go fucking nuclear. I mean, absolutely berserk. And the result of that would be he wouldn't even ask to bring people back.
And I wouldn't put up with him doing zero housework either.

Gall10 · 06/12/2025 10:51

Ilovemychocolate · 06/12/2025 09:04

Ridiculous!
Also why did you clean up the piss when it was your husbands mate that wet the bed?

At this point I thought this was made up!

Nothingbutstress · 06/12/2025 10:50

YANBU this would really annoy me! Especially as it sounds like it’s happening a lot. Your main issue is OH, why is getting drunk so often and bringing people home with him?? When he’s sober you need to have a serious talk. If he’s drinking why can’t he just get a taxi back on his own. Also if this is happening a lot, maybe his drinking is the main issue?

Original poster
ZippyBlueViper · 06/12/2025 10:50

Well that's reassuring to know it's not me being unfair!

So i cleaned the bedding because Oh would never have done it. He does zero house work, says because he works he will not do it. Can't be bothered arguing about it so i just do it. (I work as well but that's a whole other argument)

We live rurally so to be fair taxis are a no go but i think they should be arranging lifts etc not relying on being able to stay here.
Oh is 40.

We've got 2 spare bedrooms so he was saying I'm being unreasonable because we have the space for people to stay.

I said I'm happy for people to stay if

  1. They're people we know,
  2. it's prearranged so the kids know before they go to bed and don't wake up and wonder who on earth is at kitchen table
  3. Not just because they've got too drunk and can't get themselves home.

His response was he's going out again today with one of them so it made sense for them to stay. Anyway they didn't stay and I've made it very clear if he turns up with people tonight they won't be staying either.

I don't go out because baby is exclusively breast fed, i didn't really drink anyway even before baby, i don't like being hungover the next day because I've all the kids to sort, and i struggle for childcare.

I love being with the kids and genuinely enjoy their company more than a boozy night out.
Last night we had a movie night and watched the grinch. Today we're going to Christmas lights, ice skating, and Christmas market. That's my perfect weekend to be honest.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 06/12/2025 10:35

You have a 5 month old baby and 3 times in the last week or so your OH has gone out and gotten so drunk he has brought people back.

Namechangerage · 06/12/2025 10:01

Ilovemychocolate · 06/12/2025 09:04

Ridiculous!
Also why did you clean up the piss when it was your husbands mate that wet the bed?

This. I would have stripped the bed and dumped it on top of my DH to deal with

Daleksatemyshed · 06/12/2025 09:59

Not unreasonable at all Op. Why does he think it's OK to come home that drunk, with mates, at 1am and wake you all up? He must be in his 30s at least, time he grew up

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