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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

over a bloody booster seat 🥵

393 replies

StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 08:54

My 9 year old is being taken to a party in Manchester (1 hour journey) today by the birthday girls parents. She is 134cm (she’s a bit less actually but because her Dad told her she’s that, she’s sticking to it)

Sges currently sobbing and shouting (since 7am off & on) because I’m insisting she has her booster seat when all the other 7 kids won’t have one. She said she’s going to get laughed at and she just wants to fit in & be the same. I’ve tried to be understanding, I’ve said blame it on me, I’ve said they’re not good friends etc.

AIBU to stick to my rule? She’s nearly there but technically still needs a booster until 135cm. I’m just worn down as she’s been crying over this ALL morning🙄

OP posts:
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Original poster
StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:45

Mapletree1985 · 06/12/2025 11:42

This sounds like it came straight from reddit. I hope no mother would be so bonkers.

Show quote history

Sorry I don’t get this?

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:44

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:41

@StarDolphins does she do hobbies/activities outside school away from this group of girls

She only does private piano lessons. I do take 2 other girls out quite often that are in her year but not her class and she gets invited round to their house and they’re both lovely girls. She also has a group of wonderful kids that we go camping with 6 times per year that are from the next village and she loves these kids. They’re all
kids of my friends.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:43

@Mapletree1985 in what way bonkers?

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:42

Keep sticking up for her at school too.

Mapletree1985 · 06/12/2025 11:42

StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 08:54

My 9 year old is being taken to a party in Manchester (1 hour journey) today by the birthday girls parents. She is 134cm (she’s a bit less actually but because her Dad told her she’s that, she’s sticking to it)

Sges currently sobbing and shouting (since 7am off & on) because I’m insisting she has her booster seat when all the other 7 kids won’t have one. She said she’s going to get laughed at and she just wants to fit in & be the same. I’ve tried to be understanding, I’ve said blame it on me, I’ve said they’re not good friends etc.

AIBU to stick to my rule? She’s nearly there but technically still needs a booster until 135cm. I’m just worn down as she’s been crying over this ALL morning🙄

This sounds like it came straight from reddit. I hope no mother would be so bonkers.

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:41

@StarDolphins does she do hobbies/activities outside school away from this group of girls

Original poster
StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:40

DefiniteMeteor · 06/12/2025 11:38

Sounds like you went against your better judgement @StarDolphins which is a shame…. Please have more confidence in your own parenting and your own decisions and red lines. If car safety is a red line for you then that’s it. Just back yourself and enforce it. It was for me and I enforced it not only for my own kids but their mates as well when I was driving them. I didn’t give a shit at all, no matter what kids or parents said, and I think once people realise you can’t be moved on something then they don’t bother with any teasing. Conversely I didn’t care about TV shows and my then 9 year old watched stranger things etc but that wasn’t a red line for me.

Not sure what all the “your poor daughter, she’s being humiliated” posts are about. Your daughter is clearly very loved and cared for with a great mum. They are just MN goblins, best ignored. Be strong and it will create strength for your daughter too.
Hope she has a great time at the party.

You’re right and I have gone against what I wanted to do. I woke up convinced and confident that I was sticking to this. What a morning! Now I can’t rest until she’s home. But yes, you’re absolutely right.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:38

Whatsthatsheila · 06/12/2025 11:32

Have you ever spoke to your friend about this?

do they bully your friends daughter or just your daughter?

Show quote history

I have spoken to my friend yes and she said some of them are mean to her daughter too but not as much as they are to mine! She just seems to see it as falling out!

My Daughter stood up to one of them and said ‘I deserve better so I’m going to play with Isla’ but she got told off for it so I ended up emailing about that and asking to see the teacher. I told the teacher some of the issues and the girls said they didn’t say these things so case closed. The ideal solution is for her to build new, healthy friendships but she’s finding it hard to slot into already established groups.

She has a big set of friends in a nearby village (kids of my friends) and this helps and I have play dates with some other girls in the other Y5 class but she keeps going back to these ones😭

OP posts:
DefiniteMeteor · 06/12/2025 11:38

Sounds like you went against your better judgement @StarDolphins which is a shame…. Please have more confidence in your own parenting and your own decisions and red lines. If car safety is a red line for you then that’s it. Just back yourself and enforce it. It was for me and I enforced it not only for my own kids but their mates as well when I was driving them. I didn’t give a shit at all, no matter what kids or parents said, and I think once people realise you can’t be moved on something then they don’t bother with any teasing. Conversely I didn’t care about TV shows and my then 9 year old watched stranger things etc but that wasn’t a red line for me.

Not sure what all the “your poor daughter, she’s being humiliated” posts are about. Your daughter is clearly very loved and cared for with a great mum. They are just MN goblins, best ignored. Be strong and it will create strength for your daughter too.
Hope she has a great time at the party.

ParmaVioletTea · 06/12/2025 11:37

Poor girl. YABU

Original poster
StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:33

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:31

@StarDolphins you said they have booster seat for 4yo, hope you mean high backed one

Yes, sorry that looks to be a proper seat!

OP posts:
Whatsthatsheila · 06/12/2025 11:32

StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:29

No the daughter of my friend isn’t too bad, they fall
out but are generally ok. It’s 2 of the others that are much older than their 10 years.

She knew we weren’t doing anything as I have a friend coming today so I couldn’t have taken her out.

Show quote history

Have you ever spoke to your friend about this?

do they bully your friends daughter or just your daughter?

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:31

@StarDolphins you said they have booster seat for 4yo, hope you mean high backed one

Canonlythinkofthisone · 06/12/2025 11:31

You should really use a HBB until 150cm. 135 is just the legal limit. Cigarettes are also legal, I wouldn't let my kid smoke those either so.
Stay strong. It's a long journey and driving standards these days are awful. I would be the seat or you don't go kinda mum. It's our job to protect them, not to cave to peer pressure.

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:30

@dontbeataboutthebush that would have put me off trusting that parent’s driving skills to be honest, letting 7yo in car without car seat

Original poster
StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:29

Whatsthatsheila · 06/12/2025 11:25

Okay - her dad aside (😳 that’s a different thing to unpick)

I think perhaps I would have said “you can’t go we have plans” and done something completely different with her today just to make her think that. Yes deceptive but keep her away from the mean girls but also gives her the get out clause cos you said no

I get where she’s coming from - she’s constantly trying to fit in and she’s hoping each contact allows her to do that.

can I ask is the friends daughter one of the bullies or is it her friends?

Edited
Show quote history

No the daughter of my friend isn’t too bad, they fall
out but are generally ok. It’s 2 of the others that are much older than their 10 years.

She knew we weren’t doing anything as I have a friend coming today so I couldn’t have taken her out.

OP posts:
dontbeataboutthebush · 06/12/2025 11:28

I had this last year - at the time my daughter was 7. Not one other child in the car had a booster. I gave her two choices for the motorway journey - take the seat or get in my car.
it’s not about being pulled by the police it’s knowing you have done all you can to keep your child safe. I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if they crashed and she was seriously hurt through not having a seat.
your in a tough position OP as get at 9 they can be ruthless.

Whatsthatsheila · 06/12/2025 11:25

StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:07

She invited because she’s grown up with one of the girls as the mum is my friend.

When she got the invite, I said it’s up to you but don’t forget how mean some of them have been and how they’ve made you feel. Have a think and let me know. She said she wanted to go so I said the same again and she kept saying she wants to go. Her dad sent me a barrage of texts blaming me saying I should tell her she can’t go, calling some of the kids fat little fuckers and all sorts!

I don’t think it’s my place to tell her she can’t go. She is 9, which I know is young, but how is she ever going to learn if I step in and refuse invites because some kids are awful. She has to navigate this through her own decisions. I can only advise and coach her as to what is a good and healthy friendship - and I spend a large proportion of time doing so. I just hope that she’ll realise as she develops.

Show quote history

Okay - her dad aside (😳 that’s a different thing to unpick)

I think perhaps I would have said “you can’t go we have plans” and done something completely different with her today just to make her think that. Yes deceptive but keep her away from the mean girls but also gives her the get out clause cos you said no

I get where she’s coming from - she’s constantly trying to fit in and she’s hoping each contact allows her to do that.

can I ask is the friends daughter one of the bullies or is it her friends?

Original poster
StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:25

andweallsingalong · 06/12/2025 11:21

This.

The little square boosters are about as effective as a cushion from your lounge. If you want her to be safe she would need to be in a high back booster which wouldn't fit with so many in the car.

Which (and others) have been campaigning to "ban the booster" for years. They are just not safe

Show quote history

She’d combust if I suggested this, then go no contact with me immediately🤣

OP posts:
Greencactusgirl · 06/12/2025 11:24

DollyTots · 06/12/2025 09:05

My 9 year old DD is only 126cm tall and she has a booster seat. On a five minute local journey, fine but on a one hour trip using major roads, no way.

Accidents can happen even if only a five minute local trip, so need to use one every time if she needs one

Original poster
StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:23

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:18

Would dad be happy that you have broken law re car seat? Does he use booster seat with her?

Yes he’ll be fine, he does it. He also added a cm on when he measured heras e wants to be her bestie🙄🤣

OP posts:
andweallsingalong · 06/12/2025 11:21

StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 10:36

It’s not a wrap one, it’s just the square one that sits on the seat to lift her.

Show quote history

This.

The little square boosters are about as effective as a cushion from your lounge. If you want her to be safe she would need to be in a high back booster which wouldn't fit with so many in the car.

Which (and others) have been campaigning to "ban the booster" for years. They are just not safe

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:18

Would dad be happy that you have broken law re car seat? Does he use booster seat with her?

Original poster
StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 11:07

Whatsthatsheila · 06/12/2025 10:59

Squid games no: stranger things fine 🙂

tbh though - if you’ve had to speak to school about these mean girls - why is she invited and why are you letting her go in the first place?

Show quote history

She invited because she’s grown up with one of the girls as the mum is my friend.

When she got the invite, I said it’s up to you but don’t forget how mean some of them have been and how they’ve made you feel. Have a think and let me know. She said she wanted to go so I said the same again and she kept saying she wants to go. Her dad sent me a barrage of texts blaming me saying I should tell her she can’t go, calling some of the kids fat little fuckers and all sorts!

I don’t think it’s my place to tell her she can’t go. She is 9, which I know is young, but how is she ever going to learn if I step in and refuse invites because some kids are awful. She has to navigate this through her own decisions. I can only advise and coach her as to what is a good and healthy friendship - and I spend a large proportion of time doing so. I just hope that she’ll realise as she develops.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:04

Isn't part of the car seat legislation also due to bone structure as well as height, weight etc, hence the age rule as well?