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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

over a bloody booster seat 🥵

393 replies

StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 08:54

My 9 year old is being taken to a party in Manchester (1 hour journey) today by the birthday girls parents. She is 134cm (she’s a bit less actually but because her Dad told her she’s that, she’s sticking to it)

Sges currently sobbing and shouting (since 7am off & on) because I’m insisting she has her booster seat when all the other 7 kids won’t have one. She said she’s going to get laughed at and she just wants to fit in & be the same. I’ve tried to be understanding, I’ve said blame it on me, I’ve said they’re not good friends etc.

AIBU to stick to my rule? She’s nearly there but technically still needs a booster until 135cm. I’m just worn down as she’s been crying over this ALL morning🙄

OP posts:
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Original poster
StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 08:39

NameChange30 · 07/12/2025 08:36

I'm not trying to insinuate anything! Maybe you are confusing me with another poster. I already said in my first reply that I voted YANBU.

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My mistake! I’m very sorry, you’re right, I did get you mixed up with someone else! Apologies.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 07/12/2025 08:37

Maybe your DD is better at emotional regulation than my kids but there is no way they are capable of not shouting and screaming when they are distressed - it's a work in progress for them to learn regulation skills.

NameChange30 · 07/12/2025 08:36

StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 08:33

And it’s fine to feel strongly, of course it is and as I’ve told her, I understand. It’s not fine to scream and shout at that level. I’m fully on top of the bullying and she knows this. I wasn’t more interested in her shouting, I was more interested in what my thread was about, which was her safety. I also did relent because despite what you’re trying to insinuate, I don’t want her to be bullied further.

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I'm not trying to insinuate anything! Maybe you are confusing me with another poster. I already said in my first reply that I voted YANBU.

Original poster
StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 08:33

NameChange30 · 07/12/2025 08:11

With respect, it's unrealistic to expect her to listen and calmly explain her reasoning. She's 9, she's being bullied, she's terrified of more bullying, and the thought of more bullying is very distressing for her. I'm not saying it was ok for her to say she hates you, but it's understandable that she felt very strongly in that moment.

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And it’s fine to feel strongly, of course it is and as I’ve told her, I understand. It’s not fine to scream and shout at that level. I’m fully on top of the bullying and she knows this. I wasn’t more interested in her shouting, I was more interested in what my thread was about, which was her safety. I also did relent because despite what you’re trying to insinuate, I don’t want her to be bullied further.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 07/12/2025 08:11

StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 07:25

There’s a world of difference between calmly explaining her reasons and listening to my reply than shouting, sobbing & screaming while I’m trying to explain my reasoning that she hates me and I’m embarrassing her because I’m not a cool
mum like all the others that don’t make them have booster seats

There’s no ‘poor mum’ about it. She has a very good life.

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With respect, it's unrealistic to expect her to listen and calmly explain her reasoning. She's 9, she's being bullied, she's terrified of more bullying, and the thought of more bullying is very distressing for her. I'm not saying it was ok for her to say she hates you, but it's understandable that she felt very strongly in that moment.

mambojambodothetango · 07/12/2025 08:07

My 10 yo still uses a booster because he's small, just under 135cm. His friends were surprised to see a booster in the car when I gave them all a lift recently but he just shrugged and said 'I'm small', at which they all started talking about something else, as kids do. I'm surprised at so many posters on here rolling their eyes at basic safety being observed.

Original poster
StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 07:25

Rosealea · 07/12/2025 00:27

I think it's very hard for her having a parent like you. I can't believe you want to pull her up on how she spoke to you when she's trying to be honest and communicate with you and you've obviously shut her down, and it was you that's wrong in the first place. Poor kid

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There’s a world of difference between calmly explaining her reasons and listening to my reply than shouting, sobbing & screaming while I’m trying to explain my reasoning that she hates me and I’m embarrassing her because I’m not a cool
mum like all the others that don’t make them have booster seats

There’s no ‘poor mum’ about it. She has a very good life.

OP posts:
Wolmando · 07/12/2025 05:37

DS was 150 cm at about 10 or 11 so he wouldn't have had to use a car seat in year 7, some DC are quite short though so would have to use one in secondary school. There must be an age limit though.

GabriellaFaith · 07/12/2025 03:16

I think it's actually 150cm?? Certainly when we have travelled in Europe it typically is.

Regardless, there is a height for a reason. Giving in doesn't set a good example. It's fine to not be safe because of peer pressure, or her having a fit means she gets her own way? No.

It's a long drive too. If there was an accident you would never forgive yourself and the driver would be in trouble.

As someone who has worked in A&E, and hubby police, don't be one of those it will never happen to me / just this one time types of parent. She legally, for safety reasons, needs a booster. So she has her booster or doesn't go. End of. It's up to her then.

Pryceosh1987 · 07/12/2025 01:26

I think its good to keep working on it and let time tell the difference. It is early stages.

marmalade007 · 07/12/2025 01:23

anotherside · 06/12/2025 09:41

Quite a few countries (Ireland, Germany, Italy) stipulate 150cm or 36kg. So it isn’t 150cm, but that OR 36kg. Which is a safety recommendation but also law. I wouldn’t have thought a child of around 135cm is particularly safe with just an adult seat belt.

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My 6yo was 37kgs. I think the guidance may be made up as they go. It's certainly changed over the last decades. Do we get to a point where children aren't allowed in cars? Being in a moving motor vehicle is inherently dangerous but we all do it all the time. We also cross the road, fall over, drown etc.

It's getting a bit odd when a 9yo can't get a lift in a car.

SixSevenX · 07/12/2025 00:37

FWIW @StarDolphins I would have made mine take the seat or not go.

I dread this in the future but safety comes first. I even have a spare booster in my car for friends to use when in our car!

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · 07/12/2025 00:31

Wait till her 2nd /3rd/4th siblings catch her up lol
it won’t even cross your mind as you will realise the 2cm pales in comparison to the social cache -win/cost algorithm of being a little person navigating peers and the world xx

Rosealea · 07/12/2025 00:27

StarDolphins · 06/12/2025 10:03

Thank you! I have spoken to the school and these girls deny it so school close the case as no evidence! The other battle I have (and 100% sticking to incase anyone else decides to call me a rigid, embarrassing mum🤣) is tgat apparently the things she watches are for babies and she really should be watching squid games and stranger things!🤣 it’s so hard having girls!

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I think it's very hard for her having a parent like you. I can't believe you want to pull her up on how she spoke to you when she's trying to be honest and communicate with you and you've obviously shut her down, and it was you that's wrong in the first place. Poor kid

Lamentingalways · 07/12/2025 00:20

All the people calling you ridiculous would be calling you a terrible mother if there were to be an accident and your daughter wasn’t correctly restrained. I would let mine go without at that height (and spend my whole day worrying) tbh but I certainly don’t think for one minute you’re being unreasonable if you don’t.

Original poster
StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 00:19

User79853257976 · 06/12/2025 20:36

Have you told her she legally has to use one?

Yes I have. She would rather break the law than be called a baby and not fit in! I’d have been petrified to break the law as a kid!

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 00:16

Mellowbear · 06/12/2025 18:46

Always one embarrassing mum.

🙄 always one that just reads the first line and just blindly rolls with it.

I wouldn’t be embarrassed if she she was in a RTC, I’d be devastated for life

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 00:14

User79853257976 · 06/12/2025 20:36

Have you told her she legally has to use one?

Yes, I’ve also explained the consequences of not having one but she was wholly focused on being called a baby and wanting to fit in.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 00:13

pineapplesundae · 06/12/2025 20:39

I’m surprised you’re making your daughter this unhappy over this.

I’m not. If you read the whole thread, you’ll see I’m the unhappy one because I sent her without it!

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 07/12/2025 00:10

DefiniteMeteor · 06/12/2025 16:01

Doesn’t sound like being with these friends brings her much joy!
Do you ever take the piss out of the mean girls or sort of slag them off a bit at home? I do this sometimes to take the shine off them for my kids…. Sort of make them realise that actually these mean people have feet of clay. Like if she’d said “Leanne says I’m a baby for being in a car seat” I’d say “well tbh Leanne’s an annoying twat so I’m not surprised her mum doesn’t care about her safety and tbh she needs to watch out calling other people babies after she pooed herself in the pool in year 3”. It’s all done tongue in cheek and it creates a sort of secret giggliness between my kids and me about anyone mean and often steers them away after a while. I sort of help to give them the ick with their “friend”, or in most cases, gives them confidence when someone is picking on them a bit.

No doubt this is a horrible parenting strategy and I may get a pile on but I don’t know, it works for us.

we’ve watched mean girls together loads! And I constantly point your bad/good behaviour to her so hoping it goes in! And the ‘I deserve better’ that she got told off for was that I’d said to her.

OP posts:
honeyrider · 06/12/2025 23:48

I'm in Ireland and it's 150cm or 36kg for all children. I will not allow any child under 150cm travel in my car without an appropriate car seat or booster seat.

Apart from doing my utmost to ensure they're safe as much as possible I'm not prepared to risk my motor insurance.

Lollipop81 · 06/12/2025 23:21

Hohumdedum · 06/12/2025 21:01

Her friends sound vile.
I feel the same as you about correct child seats.
I'm surprised how few people on the thread seem to be bothered that it's illegal.

Me too. The off thing is I tead a similar thread on Mumsnet a few weeks ago and everyone was dead against letting children under 150cm use a car seat 🤣

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 22:57

@YorkshireGoldDrinker when would it not be ridiculous, how many cm?

Jogonpolly · 06/12/2025 21:24

I'm with you. My son has a booster seat with him in all vehicles, including coaches for school trips. It's a non negotiable for me.

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 06/12/2025 21:23

Hohumdedum · 06/12/2025 21:01

Her friends sound vile.
I feel the same as you about correct child seats.
I'm surprised how few people on the thread seem to be bothered that it's illegal.

We accept that it's illegal and we're not going to go against the law. We're also laughing about it because it's 1cm lacking in height. I'm laughing even harder because I've just measured my thumbnails. My thumbnails are each 1cm wide (I'm very small and fit extra small gloves). That's how much in height we're getting worked up over. It's ridiculous.