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Original poster

Family Christmas Issue

644 replies

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 02:55

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

OP posts:
SorryMNR · 06/12/2025 06:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lurkingandlearning · 06/12/2025 06:45

I’m all for making guests feel welcome in my home in a general sense, within the parameters I set for what happens in my home. Anyone who didn’t want to go along with that would politely be told not to bother coming.

Their requests are rude. Leaving it till this close to Christmas is also very manipulative. But their suggestion that not allowing them to decide what you do in your own home will ruin their Christmas is tosh. The obvious solution is for those who have a problem with your dog to all have a lovely Christmas together elsewhere. That would mean one of them hosting and doing all that entails, (which is a lot) and I suspect that is why they haven’t decided to do that.

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 06:43

Nevernonono · 06/12/2025 06:41

It makes you wonder why they accepted the invitation doesn’t it?

These people who don’t like dogs are so weird and manipulative aren’t they? I suppose they think they are more important than the family pet? Which OP thankfully has put them straight on, they’re now!

Maybe they can just stay home, lock the door, not go for a walk or anything.. .. in case they see…. A dog!

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You’ve just neatly proved my point.

Nevernonono · 06/12/2025 06:43

LemonDrizzleKay · 06/12/2025 06:30

I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas Day with a dog around. It would ruin it for me. But that is the point: I wouldn’t have accepted your invitation. It is completely unacceptable for them to demand your dog be kept outside or in a room. Cruel. Ignore the emotional blackmail of the single parent. And your family is right to say don’t invite them again. You were really kind to make the offer. They either accept the presence of the dog or politely decline.

Absolutely fair! You’re clearly not trying to be manipulative and unreasonable, unlike the OPs relatives.

SpryLilacSnake · 06/12/2025 06:42

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 06:25

How anyone can prioritise an animal over a child is beyond me but some people do.

The relatives have dodged a bullet here and can now enjoy their Christmas.

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Really? It's the dog's home, the child has somewhere else to go, the dog doesn't. It's not prioritising 'a' dog over 'a' child, it's prioritising that specific dog over that specific child in this specific situation which obviously makes sense practically. Ó

Nevernonono · 06/12/2025 06:41

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 06:25

How anyone can prioritise an animal over a child is beyond me but some people do.

The relatives have dodged a bullet here and can now enjoy their Christmas.

Show quote history

It makes you wonder why they accepted the invitation doesn’t it?

These people who don’t like dogs are so weird and manipulative aren’t they? I suppose they think they are more important than the family pet? Which OP thankfully has put them straight on, they’re now!

Maybe they can just stay home, lock the door, not go for a walk or anything.. .. in case they see…. A dog!

Poodleville · 06/12/2025 06:40

Your cousin sounds like a moron.
And mentioning she'll be alone as a single mum on Xmas... but her kids will be with her!!! Is this out of character for your relatives? Because their behaviour is ridiculous!

Pipsquiggle · 06/12/2025 06:40

Dear family, as I explained back in (insert month), the main reason we are staying at home this year is because of our new dog. We invited you making it clear this was the case.
We have no intention of putting our dog into kennels.
We would love to see you over Christmas. The invitation still stands, please could you let me know by (insert date) if you would still like to come.
Ongoing, If you do come to our home, a dog will be in it so this would be an ideal opportunity for you to meet (insert dog's name and photo).

Notgreatwithchange · 06/12/2025 06:39

Group message:

morning all,

sorry for the mix up everyone. as we said back in September, we are staying home for Xmas this year due to our new family pet. It seems several of you would rather a pet free Christmas so we think it would be easiest if we bow out of hosting and just stay home as originally planned. I’m sure someone else will step in and offer a more suitable venue. No hard feelings, we completely get that pets aren’t for everyone.
wishing you all a merry Christmas and we will have to catch up in the new year.

the Christmas issues

BellaBal · 06/12/2025 06:39

Yanbu as long as you were crystal clear that your reason for staying at home is you have a dog now. If people choose to visit you, they can expect the dog is there, who would expect any less?

If the dog is badly trained then it’s polite to keep it away during a mealtime, but beyond that if you’re willing to put the dog through the stress of visitors, they should accept it is their choice to visit you.

Purplepinkfairy · 06/12/2025 06:38

I would uninvite the lot of them. They knew when 1st invited you had a dog.

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 06:38

It makes no difference to my opinion but, curious, what breed?

Original poster
ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 06:34

StopGo · 06/12/2025 05:43

Eight guests for three days and nights will be incredibly stressful for your pup. Cancel and have a nice peaceful Christmas

Part of me would love to cancel. We have quite a busy house. We have friends over, our kids have friends visiting and staying a lot so he’s used to lots of people and seems happy and relaxed, not anxious around them, so I’m sure he’ll be ok either way this.

OP posts:
LemonDrizzleKay · 06/12/2025 06:30

I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas Day with a dog around. It would ruin it for me. But that is the point: I wouldn’t have accepted your invitation. It is completely unacceptable for them to demand your dog be kept outside or in a room. Cruel. Ignore the emotional blackmail of the single parent. And your family is right to say don’t invite them again. You were really kind to make the offer. They either accept the presence of the dog or politely decline.

CoffeeCantata · 06/12/2025 06:30

I’m totally with you , OP.

And for the record, I’m not a ‘dog person’ , but you aren’t one of those people who expects to take your dog everywhere- it’s YOUR home and visitors have a choice- if they aren’t comfortable with the dog, that’s tough - they’re the ones who need to make adjustments.

Original poster
ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 06:29

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/12/2025 05:36

OP's extended family sound like too much work.

I'd just say: to avoid any hard feelings we're cancelling our invitation altogether. We're unsure why so many of you accepted the invitation to ours knowing we had s dog and that we are staying home for Christmas because we have a dog.

eta
"My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog"

Utterly bizarre. What on earth are they worried about????
A guest saying something isn't good enough is pretty bloody entitled, rude and controlling. No way would I want them in my home for Christmas. Is there some sort of backstory? Has a child been attacked by a dog?

Edited

No backstory. Our family get on pretty well usually, no major issues and the children have never been attacked by a dog as far as I know. I’m sure that I would know if it had happened as I talk to my cousin every few weeks and we have a few different family WhatsApp groups with different people in.

OP posts:
birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 06:27

They knew why you were staying home, OP. They don't get to tell you to change everything to what you were trying to avoid in the first place. You'll be better off without them there.

Original poster
ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 06:25

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 05:33

I would never take my DC to a house with a dog or allow a dog into my home for that matter.

It is of course your choice to have a dog there but get used to a lot of cancellations in your social diary because a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason.

Thats fine and I understand your choice. My cousin accepted the invitation with her children, knowing that we had a dog though. We had said we didn’t want to leave him and had no one to look after him, so she knew he would be here. The other relative who is apparently allergic to dogs, also knew this when she accepted the invitation. If they had said no at the time, I would have been fine with that. I feel like they have left it late to try to guilt and force us into changing our plan.

OP posts:
Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 06:25

Nevernonono · 06/12/2025 06:19

Do you do a lot of inventive writing?

By the way it’s a dog? What the fuck made you go to the trouble of writing “the animal”, was it part of your dramatic writing training?

Are you one of the visitors? Maybe try a Wetherspoons or Toby Carvery for Christmas Day, they may have some availability still. But don’t impose your silly rules on a family pet!

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How anyone can prioritise an animal over a child is beyond me but some people do.

The relatives have dodged a bullet here and can now enjoy their Christmas.

Whoevenarethey · 06/12/2025 06:24

I think you have been perfectly clear about your reasons for staying home and have been incredibly kind saying you would host.
Definitely send a text saying the plans don't seem to be working for people - I would even go as far as saying based on this you have decided you are unable to host and plan to spend the day as a family on your own.

Tablesandchairs23 · 06/12/2025 06:23

Nah they're rude. You explained why you were staying home. Thry accepted and then moan. Stick to your guns.

firstofallimadelight · 06/12/2025 06:21

Yes send a blanket message to all relatives who have contacted you saying the reason Xmas is at yours this year is because of the dog so yes of course the dog will be there! Then say Let us know if you still want to come or not soon due to food ordering etc. and I would probably add something like I will not be discussing this further.

Original poster
ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 06:21

Trallers · 06/12/2025 05:27

Obviously you need to stick your plan and they are being ridiculous.

Can I just check though - in your OP it's not explicitly clear that you explained to them your reason for staying home and hosting this year, can.you double check you actually mentioned the dog originally? If they've only just heard about it that would make it more understandable (they should still suck it up or make their own plans though).

We definitely explained that we were staying home due to our dog back in September. We said that we didn’t have anyone to look after our dog and didn’t want to leave him anyway.

OP posts:
Nevernonono · 06/12/2025 06:19

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 06:08

I disagree. They likely accepted accepted out of courtesy as it’s a regular arrangement. Once it then transpired that the OP was not making suitable arrangements for the animal when considering young children will be present, the issue surfaced.

I image she knew all along what their reaction would be but has tried to take the cowardly was out by inviting them knowing it was going to be an issue rather than telling them from the outset that she now considers and animal to be more important than her family and one of them are invited.

People know who will and won’t visit when dogs are around. It’s hardly a revelation in most cases.

Show quote history

Do you do a lot of inventive writing?

By the way it’s a dog? What the fuck made you go to the trouble of writing “the animal”, was it part of your dramatic writing training?

Are you one of the visitors? Maybe try a Wetherspoons or Toby Carvery for Christmas Day, they may have some availability still. But don’t impose your silly rules on a family pet!

Missey85 · 06/12/2025 06:17

Yanbu they were told in advance that your dog would be there it's their problem not yours 🐶 they can stay home of they don't like your pet 😊💕