Family Christmas Issue

Given what has been going on and said, I would be inclined to knock what was planned on the head. But you need to do it now to give them time to make alternative arrangements.

It looks like they have made their feelings quite clear that your dog must be at the least restricted in their own home, even if they back peddle now, come Christmas they will be wanting your dog out of the way. Young dogs can be bonkers and hard work at the best of times, even a calm dog is likely to be overstimulated with a busy household over Christmas, throw in people who don’t want the dog about…it’s a disaster waiting to happen. You will not be able to relax in your own home for the duration of their visit.

I am left speechless that someone who had a dog allergy decided to spend Christmas in a household with a dog!

"let me get this right"

Well, no, you got it completely wrong.
Not sure how, OP was pretty clear. If you had bothered reading it.

I think the single parent cousin should host the allergic cousin.

You sound lovely and welcoming OP and I feel like they are trying to talk advantage of your kindness. It isn’t like you have suddenly sprung a dog on them, they knew months ago.

We are at a house for Xmas where there will be two dogs. We knew this when we were invited and I know both dogs and I am more than happy to bring my child there. If I didn’t know the dogs and was apprehensive, I would have not have accepted the invitation. In September. Not 3 weeks before and then be a pain about any compromises you were willing to make.

I am on the side of your partner and kids about being a bit more blunt but understand family dynamics can be difficult but if they try to pain you as the villain, definitely push back. Maybe show them this thread

pages and pages of replies and you’ve not understood - they DIDN’T decline her invitation. They accepted and then asked her to remove the dog that was the reason she was offering to host from her home! 🤦🏽‍♀️

Goodness I hope that you don’t back down and shut the dog away OP, as other posters have commented, I would politely draw their attention to the original invite and leave it at that. Maybe politely (lots of politeness lol) offer your understanding if they need to change their mind about attending but definitely leave it after that. Just don’t get involved. An invite was offered, they accepted, now it doesn’t suit them, end of.
Focus on the family who want to come and take you as you are!!!

Apologies i pressed the YABU and cant change it as on phone 😐 but def YANBU to send that message, tell them fine dont bother coming then

You haven't read it right. Maybe try again?

I personally would message back saying, "Hi, I understand that you're not comfortable with my dog. I do not appreciate involving other relatives over this, which has upset me. You knew the reason we stayed home this Christmas is because we have a new dog. I have decided to no longer host christmas dinner. "

Read. The. OP's. OP.

That is not what has happened. Read the OP again.

I wouldn't even bother responding, I would copy paste your original message, and send it back to them. The situation was clear from the start. There was no room for misunderstanding.

Oh dear! Haven’t you actually read the OP?

They haven’t declined an invitation sweetie, thsy accepted the invitation, they still want to come but dictate the dog goes elsewhere.

You need to spend more time and read more carefully.

Did you honestly think the pages and pages of posts had all got it wrong?

the didn't refuse the invitation. They accepted the invitation after OP had told them the dog will be there, and then demanded she gets rid of the dog for the duration of the visit.

They haven’t just declined the invite. They are emotionally blackmailing the OP saying how horrible it is that they will now be alone (with their own children) and how they are now making Christmas difficult. If they had declined gracefully then everyone would be happy but they want the OP to get rid of her dog whilst they still attend.

Just withdraw your invitation to the crazy relatives who seem to think you’re running a free hotel.
Dont look back.
I hope you & the dog & all your normally tolerant & understanding guests have a wonderful xmas.

But they haven't declined. They accepted and then later down the track have decided they are going to start telling OP what to do with the dog in her home. The dog they decided to stay at home for. That's what they are throwing a sook about.

Eh? They haven't declined. Thats precisely the problem.

Pages and pages of people stating that your family are a bunch of cf's because, let me get this right, they refused an invitation?
I don't get it. Nobody harmed your dog. Nobody tried to dictate anything. They just said no, not coming for Christmas.
They haven't harmed or slighted anyone, they've simply declined an invitation and given reasons.
Deary me 🙄

I read your op and thought it must be made up because your family members are SO unreasonable. And then I saw a couple of the mental replies like the one from terrifictiger and was shocked to see people like that actually do exist!!

I don't like dogs. I'm nervous around them. If someone with a dog invited me for Christmas dinner and I was concerned about the dog's behaviour I would politely decline. However, I have never ever had to do that because all of my friends and family with dogs would never allow their dogs to even jump up at a guest let alone anything else.

It's absolutely ridiculous for that poster to suggest you'll suddenly be social pariahs. I don't like dogs and I've never turned down a social engagement because of one! Perhaps all it means is you won't have crazy entitled people accepting your invitations and then making wildly unreasonable demands. Sounds like a win to me!

Two things:

1. Your cousin is an unreasonable loon.
2. We need a photo of the dog.

@ChristmasIssue - absolutely not - cheeky feckers.

Tell relatives that unfortunately as the dog will be at home and only removed from dining room when eating you fully understand that they are no longer able to come

if relatives are on same side of family. I would also say

”as (other relative) also can’t attend may I suggest you reach out to them and arrange a christmas together with them. I have let them know you are unable to attend ☺️”

Agree with all the above, use your text that you'd suggested.

Not sure why the breed is relevant tbh - often big breeds are amazing with children, have met some tiny breeds that I'd be terrified of having young children near.

Indeed, same here. MiL is really nervous of dogs, as was our SiL. They haven’t changed their feelings about ‘dogs’ in general but adore ours.

They come every year multiple times. In fact, I would say people visit more often because they know it is not easy (or cheap) to get a dog sitter and we had a horrendous single attempt with kennels with our first dog 12 years ago - that left it sick for months and traumatised - so we will only home board our current dogs now.

OP’s family should be uninvited. “A simple ‘I am a little bemused as to the confusion over the fact that we offered to host at our precisely because we now have a dog and will not be kennelling him. I am afraid, other than agreeing to ensure it is not in the dinning room during the meal, we will not be isolating him for those family members who now feel his presence in his and our home is unacceptable. On that basis we have taken the difficult decision to retract our invitations now to give you enough time to make other arrangements between yourselves and to purchase your own food. I hope you have a lovely Christmas wherever you chose to spend it this year, Love OP, the family, AND the dog.”

It sounds as though there are enough of them that they can get together with the single parent cousin so she will not be alone. Not your problem OP.