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Original poster

Family Christmas Issue

644 replies

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 02:55

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

OP posts:
Minglingpringle · 08/12/2025 20:24

Your relatives were unreasonable. You have every right to slap them down the way your husband has.

But does that achieve the best result in the long run? Just because you’re justified, is it the most pragmatic thing to do? The PP who envied you your big family had a point. We are lucky to have family in our lives. Family (like everyone) are not perfect and can be annoying. But ask yourself if you value having these family members in your life overall.

You might find it more productive to let this go now, rather than allow it to grow into a festering sore. They were annoying, you were in the right, nothing left to prove. If they try it again, take an equally firm stand.

But in your position I’d let them come to Christmas if they wanted to, and just move on.

Roselily123 · 08/12/2025 19:27

BitOfAWeirdo · 08/12/2025 15:12

Your husband is a hero!

well done ‘mr Christmasissue’
what an absolute star.
I hope your relative has learnt something from this.

fishfingerbutty · 08/12/2025 19:12

Very satisfying update.
They got the response they deserved.

Gonners · 08/12/2025 19:02

I assume the other guests could see that exchange of messages on the old group chat? I bet they are enjoying it as much as we are. Well done to your DP.

Fdsew · 08/12/2025 18:51

Awkward?
These people are ghastly.
You husband handled that like a pro.
Great for your children to see modelled.
"You fxxk about, you find out".

Theslummymummy · 08/12/2025 18:50

Is this a joke? Tell them to fuck off. I don't believe for. Second kids aren't excited about a new puppy/dog

RedToothBrush · 08/12/2025 18:46

ChristmasIssue · 08/12/2025 15:32

I know. It’s such a cheeky thing to say. I could never act like that.

I’m actually pleased in a way that she chose to be cheeky instead of apologising, as although I feel awkward about the exchange, it’s absolutely confirmed that I wouldn’t want her here. If she had been apologetic, I’d have felt under pressure to accept the apology and let her come. It’s going to be very awkward when we do see each other again.

Show quote history

So what if it's awkward. She owes you an apology.

She was invited with full knowledge of the dog and your wishes. She then tries to force the dog out. Rudeness#1

You say that, the dog stays and to confirm by X date. She can't be arsed to respond by the date. Rudeness#2

She also puts a guilt trip dig about putting up with the dog if she has to. As if she's doing you a massive favour. Rudeness#3

Your DH is perfectly fair in telling her she's well out of order and it's no longer convenient under those circumstances.

Her problem. Not yours.

lizzyBennet08 · 08/12/2025 18:45

Honestly this is too funny. I really want to hear from the few that think op is unreasonable
the way I see it Is

In a nutshell

  1. op posts on family chat saying staying home this year with new dog and says any one who wishes can join then.
  2. A large gang of family accept
  3. Weeks later. 2 family members announce dog can't be around ops house for various reasons
  4. Op kindly says unfortunately not an option as dog will be around the home
  5. 1 family member flounces, the other one announces ( on mature recollection when faced with cooking herself) that she will risk life and limb and attend 'if she has to '
For the love of god, how is the op unreasonable in any ones eyes!
Ellie56 · 08/12/2025 18:16

What a cheeky mare she is and what a great response from your DP!
I bet she wasn't expecting that! Grin Grin

DhIsAJudge · 08/12/2025 18:00

That response is brilliant

SockFluffInTheBath · 08/12/2025 17:48

Your husband is an absolute star. What a man 😁 hopefully his response heads off the incoming sob story from the other one.

MaggiesShadow · 08/12/2025 17:36

Your husband's response IS great and I'm absolutely all for not letting CFers have their way. They get away with this type of thing because they rely on people being too nice or non-confrontational to stop them.

That being said, how much aggro is this going to cause you now? It was one thing everyone being on your side when they were refusing to come but now it seems as though DH has uninvited them. (And before anyone starts, yes I know DH wasn't in the wrong). Will it cause an issue in the wider family?

Notonthestairs · 08/12/2025 17:10

So two days ago the relative's allergy was so serious they needed the dog to be removed from your house for the duration of their stay.

Now they are prepared 'to work around it'!

Transparent manipulation on their part. And not even an apology for replying late? Well done your DH.

BitOfAWeirdo · 08/12/2025 17:03

VickyEadieofThigh · 08/12/2025 16:36

Indeed - and I strongly suspect that if they'd gone along with her coming, her version of 'working round the dog' would involve coming over all allergic and demanding that the dog be out outside.

Show quote history

Agree.

With lots of passive aggressive sighing and sad little face.

Topseyt123 · 08/12/2025 17:01

Perfect response from your partner. Hopefully that just shuts it down and stops you being strung along.

MrsPositivity1 · 08/12/2025 16:53

How bloody cheeky are they - tell them to do one

Wrenjay · 08/12/2025 16:52

We have a cat: lots of people don't like them for various reasons. Not my problem, it is theirs'. I will not shut my cat away for a cat hater's comfort, my cat comes before them.

RunningJo · 08/12/2025 16:51

Not all hero’s wear capes OP, your husband is a legend for sending that message, shut down any ‘oh but, can we’ suggestions from the ‘not so allergic that I can’t work around it’ relative.
How ‘brave’ of her to suggest she’ll work around the dog ‘if she has to’. Cheeky fecker, it’s amazing how flexible people can suddenly be when they don’t get their own way.

As for it being awkward when you next see her, just act as normal, chat away, ask how she is etc, don’t mention Christmas unless she does. If she has any digs about the plans, just mention that Christmas was so special this year, you’re getting another dog. 🤣

Whoevenarethey · 08/12/2025 16:45

Great response! I expect she was hoping that more would be said from the cousin. Bit of a shame if they were happy to initially attend and jumped on the bandwagon with the cousin meaning they now miss out, but hopefully this will be a good lesson to them on graciously accepting an invite.

Wrenjay · 08/12/2025 16:44

Everyone who has an "issue" with an important member of your family can find somewhere else to go altogether! Simple. They are supposed to be "guests" and should not be setting rules for your home. It is your home so your rules. They accept or not. End of story,

diddl · 08/12/2025 16:41

‘The deadline has passed, no room at the inn

Perfect!

VickyEadieofThigh · 08/12/2025 16:36

BitOfAWeirdo · 08/12/2025 15:14

'Work around the dog if she has to'

Cheeky bitch.

Indeed - and I strongly suspect that if they'd gone along with her coming, her version of 'working round the dog' would involve coming over all allergic and demanding that the dog be out outside.

Iloveacurry · 08/12/2025 16:22

Well done to your partner on his response!

Discombobble · 08/12/2025 16:21

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 06:08

I disagree. They likely accepted accepted out of courtesy as it’s a regular arrangement. Once it then transpired that the OP was not making suitable arrangements for the animal when considering young children will be present, the issue surfaced.

I image she knew all along what their reaction would be but has tried to take the cowardly was out by inviting them knowing it was going to be an issue rather than telling them from the outset that she now considers and animal to be more important than her family and one of them are invited.

People know who will and won’t visit when dogs are around. It’s hardly a revelation in most cases.

Show quote history

What a load of rubbish - the suitable arrangement is that the family dog is spending Christmas with the family, and people who accept an invitation from a family with a dog should expect to encounter a dog. You sound like a very entitled guest

canklesmctacotits · 08/12/2025 16:20

Whilst we can laud your DH for telling her "too late, too bad", the thing is so often women don't push back when it's the man who says no. If you had gone back with a no, she may have pushed back, or tried to make you feel guilty or bad for pushing back, she would have told others how you're stubborn or rude. Even now, she might think that you have a hand in what your DH put on the chat, that you colluded with him or made him send that message. As it stands, she will likely gripe but would feel "told" and wouldn't speak badly of your DH behind his back. Somehow it's more serious and women feel more inclined to accept their own fault if a man tells them no. But if it's a woman - well, the other woman is at fault for not being accommodating enough.

Anyway, happy that you have a DH who is willing to engage in these sorts of things. Great result all round. Sorry about your cousin, though. Hope everything's ok with her.