Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family Christmas Issue

644 replies

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 02:55

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

OP posts:
Horses7 · 06/12/2025 08:35

CFs
Enjoy Christmas with your dog!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 06/12/2025 08:35

Just withdraw the offer, asap.

Oldartist · 06/12/2025 08:33

I wouldn’t make any changes to your dogs routine, or exclude him from any rooms. He needs to integrate with people, they need to accept he/she is a new member of the family. You pointed out initially why you were staying home. I’m sorry, but they sound manipulative, don’t be a doormat. Stand your ground, your circus, your rules. I hope you have a good Christmas, enjoy your dog and amenable family. I’d love another dog, but my DH is against it. (Should he pre decease me though, I’ll be in Dogs Trust before he’s cold 😉❤️)

JudgeJ · 06/12/2025 08:33

DeftGoldHedgehog · 06/12/2025 02:58

Tell them to get lost unless they can get on with your dog, absolute cheeky twats.

Suggest they find kennels for their children while they are sponging a free trip with the OP!

Tooobvious · 06/12/2025 08:33

YANBU and they are CFs. Do add to your text that you made it clear right from the start that your dog would be in your house at Christmas and you have already offered to keep it out of one room (and bedrooms?) The choice of whether or not to come is entirely theirs.

Allthings · 06/12/2025 08:32

You obviously know your family best, but I would be cancelling the arrangements and not giving them the option of withdrawing otherwise you will find yourself having to manage their expectations of what and were the dog should be for the duration of their stay. If you don’t want to enjoy Christmas, crack on, but after making their thoughts quite clear, there is a strong risk by placing the ball in their court you will still be facing the issues and could be under a lot of pressure to isolate your dog for the duration of their stay.

Alternatives would be for them to just come for a few hours which may be more manageable in terms of your dog (though not for the person with the dog allergy who would be affected even if the dog was not there).

CautiousLurker2 · 06/12/2025 08:31

Whoevenarethey · 06/12/2025 08:18

Thinking about this more, since when did it become ok to make demands to a host when invited as a guest? Surely in the past if you were invited to something you either gratefully accepted or politely declined if there was something about the event you didn't like. I certainly don't recall in the past people making demands about not forgetting aunt so and so with her allergies and stating what food they can eat and how little Fred is scared of dogs so keep them out the way.
If I know I have particular issues about something then I just don't go or make the adaptions myself - my children are fussy eaters so we would usually go after food so not to cause issues at dinner time for example. I certainly wouldn't expect wider family to accommodate my children's needs.

I agree - I think it started with allergies, but has escalated into people treating hosts like restaurant managers with a higher duty of care.

When I was small the rule was, abide by the host’s rules in their home and understand other people do things differently so smile and say thank you!

CameltoeParkerBowles · 06/12/2025 08:28

DeftGoldHedgehog · 06/12/2025 02:58

Tell them to get lost unless they can get on with your dog, absolute cheeky twats.

First response nails it. What the fuck is wrong with some people?

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 06/12/2025 08:27

Just cancel the invitation and they can all have their big Xmas at someone else’s house, surely?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 06/12/2025 08:26

pixiedust79 · 06/12/2025 03:14

You’ve been completely transparent and fair and your family are being ridiculous. Presumably nothing new has come up with your dog ie behavioural issues? Make sure that in any replies you reference that they knew about the dog from the start and it’s them who are now making it difficult. Maybe the dog haters can now spend their Christmas together if they’re worried about being alone. Or were they hoping you’d be hosting and paying and also bending over backwards for them? :)

”Hi crazy family. As you know, the reason you were all invited to ours is because we are staying home with our new dog this year and everyone was happy with this arrangement when we first discussed. It’s disappointing that people have now changed their minds but we wanted to clarify that DDog won’t be going elsewhere at any point over Christmas. If you no longer wish to join us please let me know by …”

This^^

Gizlotsmum · 06/12/2025 08:25

Only time I have asked for a dog to be out of the room was when it was a neutral house ( neither of ours) and the dog although friendly had bounced at my toddler and scared her into tears. Owner wasn’t happy and made it very uncomfortable so we left as soon as we could, however if we had been in the dogs house I would not make that request. When we have guest who are nervous of dogs we have him on a lead or in a pen. Often after a while they are ok for him to be a bit nearer them ( big super friendly but droopy and bouncy dog)

FlamingoQueen · 06/12/2025 08:24

I would just say ‘I’m really sorry dear family. You’ve completely missed the point about the fact we are staying home because of the dog. The dog will not be shut in a separate room so as I don’t want to cause you any stress on Christmas Day, please feel free to make alternative arrangements!’

Enjoy Christmas with your doggy! They are much better than people!

Venturini · 06/12/2025 08:23

Just disinvite them. I love spending Christmas doing as I like with just immediate family, I suggest you do the same.

21ZIGGY · 06/12/2025 08:20

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 06:08

I disagree. They likely accepted accepted out of courtesy as it’s a regular arrangement. Once it then transpired that the OP was not making suitable arrangements for the animal when considering young children will be present, the issue surfaced.

I image she knew all along what their reaction would be but has tried to take the cowardly was out by inviting them knowing it was going to be an issue rather than telling them from the outset that she now considers and animal to be more important than her family and one of them are invited.

People know who will and won’t visit when dogs are around. It’s hardly a revelation in most cases.

Show quote history

This is just rage bait

Shakirasma · 06/12/2025 08:19

I would tell them that your dog has been kind enough to allow then to visit it's home, but it wont be offended if they choose not to come. However it is very offensive to try and evict said dog from it's own house while they visit, or dictate limitations on its access to it's own home!

WimpoleHat · 06/12/2025 08:19

user789543678885432111 · 06/12/2025 08:16

I usually get really irritated by people who prioritise their dog over humans, but in this case I am on your side. Your relatives are out of order.

I agree. You have said “we are at home because we have the dog”. To accept an invitation and then object to the dog is quite ridiculous - and I say this as someone who can’t stand dogs and would have said a polite “no thanks” to the initial invitation for that reason. The only thing that makes me wonder if they properly understood the situation is the allergic relative accepting. Surely that would be utter madness?

Whoevenarethey · 06/12/2025 08:18

Thinking about this more, since when did it become ok to make demands to a host when invited as a guest? Surely in the past if you were invited to something you either gratefully accepted or politely declined if there was something about the event you didn't like. I certainly don't recall in the past people making demands about not forgetting aunt so and so with her allergies and stating what food they can eat and how little Fred is scared of dogs so keep them out the way.
If I know I have particular issues about something then I just don't go or make the adaptions myself - my children are fussy eaters so we would usually go after food so not to cause issues at dinner time for example. I certainly wouldn't expect wider family to accommodate my children's needs.

Twistedfirestarters · 06/12/2025 08:17

Bearbookagainandagain · 06/12/2025 08:10

"let me get this right"

Well, no, you got it completely wrong.
Not sure how, OP was pretty clear. If you had bothered reading it.

Show quote history

You have to appreciate the irony of someone saying 'let me get this right' and then managing to get it completely wrong 😂

Ohthedaffodils · 06/12/2025 08:16

@ChristmasIssue we have a mixed breed rescue dog and got his doggie DNA done just because we were intrigued as to what breeds he had in him. Dogs trust had him down as Yorkshire terrier cross but he’s no yorkie in him. Didn’t cost loads to get the DNA done and it’s just a cheek swab.
I think your cousin and really 2 are totally unreasonable. They knew u had a dog when they accepted the invite.

ApolloandDaphne · 06/12/2025 08:16

You need to be clear that your dog will be there in the house. You will not be sending him to kennels or putting him outside. Hopefully they will decline to come.

user789543678885432111 · 06/12/2025 08:16

I usually get really irritated by people who prioritise their dog over humans, but in this case I am on your side. Your relatives are out of order.

CautiousLurker2 · 06/12/2025 08:14

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 06/12/2025 08:09

I think the single parent cousin should host the allergic cousin.

Sounds like the perfect solution to me? And they could come over for a few hours on Boxing day afternoon or Christmas Eve for mince pies in a room that OP has kindly ensured will be dog free for the duration.

Flowerlovinglady · 06/12/2025 08:13

You're being more than reasonable, you're being gracious - please continue to be firm.

Nopenousername · 06/12/2025 08:13

Simple, it’s your dog’s home and if your cousin or other relatives don’t like it then they don’t have to come and will now need to plan accordingly 🤷‍♀️

HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 06/12/2025 08:13

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 08:08

They accepted the invite! They didn’t raise any concerns about our dog when they accepted.

If my cousin and this other relative had chosen to decline at the time, or even just decline now, I’d be fine with that. That isn’t what they’ve done though. They are trying to dictate. They have suggested that our dog goes to kennels, is confined to one room away from everyone or stays outside. They have then gone on to try to make me feel guilty by saying that if I don’t do as they ask, my cousin will have to spend Xmas alone with her kids and that I’m cruel, not forgetting the allergy of the other relative that means I will be making her Xmas difficult.

At this point, it’ll be a relief if they just decline. We wont be changing our plans and I don’t want to argue about it. I will happily provide one room that is dog free for the duration of their visit, have a dog free dining room whilst we eat lunch and our dog will not be in any rooms that they will sleep in as I do want everyone to be comfortable, but I’m not willing to do more than that.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t bother making those concessions about dog-free room etc because you know that won’t be enough when they turn up, right? They want the dog banished while they are there and it will be so stressful for your poor pup. Let them pull out of coming.