Family Christmas Issue

Do like you said, tell them you are sorry they won't be attending. I cannot believe the entitlement of some people. You made things perfectly clear when you invited them. Also as long as your dog isn't jumping all over them and begging at the table I certainly would not be keeping him out of any rooms (with the exception of their bedrooms if they are staying over). Seriously I am angry for you.

Unbelievable!

‘Sorry, but our dog will be staying. If you’re not happy with that, perhaps you’d better arrange to spend Christmas somewhere else.’

Two word answer
and the second word is ‘off’…

I think your planned response is perfect. They accepted knowing you have a dog, you have offered to keep the dog in a separate room and not around while you are eating which are entirely reasonable.
i wouldn’t be surprised if they have been wittering on about this as a group behind your back for a while and have finally plucked up the courage at this late stage to say something and guilt you into doing what they want. DO NOT feel bad, you made a very generous offer, they have declined and that is the bottom line. All the more relaxing for you and your family - and the dog!

If someone asked me to put my dog in kennels over Christmas to facilitate their visit , they could well and truly get stuffed along with the turkey.

Op, you are being vvvv unreasonable...
Where is the dog pic?

As an aside, the only thing that would tempt me out of my own house on Christmas day would be the promise of meeting a new dog.
Uninvite the moaners (they will complain about the dog all day) and have a wonderful Christmas.

So you wouldn’t accept the original invitation which said they’re staying at home because of the dog, not turn round 3 weeks to go and TELL the host you want their dog ie family member to be elsewhere? When the whole point is that they’re staying home to accommodate the dog?

Uninvite them: as a pp says, they can get together so they’re not ‘alone’ as a single parent (what are their kids? Chopped liver?!)

You have been completely fair, and I like how your draft message reminds them you need to know numbers because you’re catering for them. As they have been quite entitled in their approach I would be quite firm on your boundaries, “I will not be sending our dog away from his home, this is non-negotiable, both now and in the future. Can I take it that you are now not attending?”

Dear family, I’m sorry you don’t feel you can come to ours for Christmas because of DDog. However, DDog is now a member of our family and will be here. I appreciate that’s not going to suit everyone so I understand that you’ve chosen to jot come to ours.

Do let us know when you fancy meeting up over the Christmas period for a present swap.

Merry Christmas!

I’d send that and let them stew. To use a MN phrase: “It’s an invitation not a summons.”

How entitled and manipulative of them to pull this! Now triangulating with other family members…how unsurprising.

They don’t seem to be bothered about smoothing things over and not causing a family rift! I would definitely be making it clear that I take it their issues as being they can no longer come…

Just to add - it may be easier to just cancel tbh!! But then that’s not fair on any sensible family members who are still ok with the dog (are there any???

Madness OP. You are definitely not being unreasonable. You stated the situation and they accepted knowing about the dog. To backtrack now is rude. How dare they tell you to put your dog in kennels!!

I”d just say what you were going to - hi all, as you know we chose to sty in our own hone for Christmas as we have (dog name) and we’re not leaving him alone. For anyone who no longer wants to come - please let me know by X date so that I can adjust food plans.

Awww your dog sounds lovely. Your relatives are being incredibly selfish. I hope you figure things out and have a lovely Christmas.

Your post doesn't make sense without more punctuation.

Prioritise a dog over a child? "Oh no!," say some, "I will prioritise my child over my dog".

I will prioritise my dog over your or anyone else's child.

OP is not asking these relatives to prioritise her dog over their children, she's expecting them to make their own priorities. Y'know, like adults.

I'm allergic to dogs and not fond of them anyway
It's my responsibility to decide whether or not to come somewhere, not the owner's, and no way should the owner have to make special arrangements should I chose the grace them with my presence
Your relatives are being utterly over-precious and can go have christmas on their own

They are being ridiculously dramatic over a small, quiet dog. Their children will probably adore your dog. Perhaps that's what they are worried about really.

They're acting like you're going to have Nigel Farage in your house.

I think I would just message and say “to be clear, the reason we were hosting and staying home was due to not wanting to leave the dog. If the dog is an issue for anyone then I understand if you no longer want to join us.” And leave it at that, how dare they try to dictate to you about your own home

It sounds to me that you were quite clear from the start that you were staying home for Christmas because of the dog and therefore threw out the invitation to everyone that they were welcome to come and join you.
They accepted that invite knowing that there would be a dog there and now want you to make other arrangements for the dog which defeats the whole object of you staying home!!
You need to reiterate this point to all concerned and make the point that this why you elected to stay home and they are cheeky to even suggest that make other arrangements for the dog. For what it's worth the relative saying that it's too late for them to go anywhere else is being lazy - they could easily stop home and cook their own Xmas dinner!! As for prioritizing the dog over children that was the point of this saga from the start!!
Poor you! Text them all - the dog is staying regardless of their requests and perhaps together they should make their own arrangements for a dog free christmas!! They don't to cook!! Cheeky beggars!!

I think you also need to say that anyone who is still coming is not to say anything negative about the dog, or ask for the dog to be kept away - I would think there is a good chance these family members will still come and cause a fuss on the day and put pressure on you to bend to their wishes

Must be hard to be so hard of reading. To help a bit I will point out the following in the OP

My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting

and finally

Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here.

"dictating" through suggestions that the OP is being sooooo unfair and should lock the dog away/send it to kennels (think of the children) or else they won't be coming, is still dictating

@whitewinefriday it’s not perfect placing the onus on the guests as having made their feeling clear, they may still pitch up and try to then enforce their feelings which does not bode well OP or the dog. Managing a dog where a child who is fearful of a dog is really hard work even for a short period of time and an allergy can’t be managed by OP. The best course of action is to withdraw the invitation for those who are vocalising that there is an issue/how the dog is managed.

Are they thick? Surely accepting an invitation where a dog is going to be is conditional on accepting the presence of the dog.
Dont over explain or try reasoning. Just type ‘sorry to hear you’ve changed your mind about coming but thanks for letting us know we will adjust food plans accordingly’.

Exactly this. You havent sprung the dog on them, they were fully aware from the beginning the dog would be there.

They dont like it- fine, they dont come. End of.

Perfect!

They knew before they accepted! It's a bit like saying 'well yes, we'll come to you for Christmas even though your house is too small, so you're going to have to build an extension or knock down that dividing wall before we come, so our children can run riot around the entire place.'

I have a Horrible Dog. The entire family is aware (and tolerant) of her existence, but if I go to another person's house I leave the dog at home unless she is specifically invited. If they come here they know she is a fixture. If anyone demanded ANYTHING of me as host in my own home, they wouldn't be coming.