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Original poster

Family Christmas Issue

644 replies

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 02:55

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

OP posts:
Alucard55 · 06/12/2025 09:37

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 05:33

I would never take my DC to a house with a dog or allow a dog into my home for that matter.

It is of course your choice to have a dog there but get used to a lot of cancellations in your social diary because a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason.

I wouldn't have your children near my dogs.

Monty34 · 06/12/2025 09:35

It is entirely their choice. They come to your home, knowing you have a dog. Or they don't.
Your home comes with the dog.
If someone had a fear of dogs, or an allergy perhaps out housing the dog for a day might be possible. But if that is not the scenario, then no.

diddl · 06/12/2025 09:34

Well if you don't uninvite anyone & no one declines, at the first whiff of someone wanting you to do anything that you don't want regarding your dog, I'd pack them off home.

BillyBites · 06/12/2025 09:33

We've had a dog for nearly 15 years and it's certainly not curtailed our social life in any way.
If friends/family prefer not, we don't take him to their houses (and I would never ask them - I know who is who). That's their prerogative and entirely reasonable. Most, however, love him and he's welcome to attend. Sometimes though, we might choose not to take him regardless.

Noshowlomo · 06/12/2025 09:33

You and your husband sound like lovely lovely people.
I am not a dog person, no dogs welcome in my house (cats!) but the audacity I’d have to try and dictate what someone does with their pets in their own house. No way.
Honestly, if they keep on I would make the decision for them. “If that’s how you feel I’m sorry you can’t come. If anyone else now can’t make it please let me know now. With this much drama over us offering to do a nice thing, we won’t be offering again”.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 06/12/2025 09:31

Flibberteegibbet · 06/12/2025 09:28

I’d send everyone a message saying you’re sorry some have changed their minds about coming to you because they’ve just realised the dog you told them you had back in September will actually be there over Christmas. Ask if everyone who is coming confirms by today so you can finalise your food order tomorrow and leave it at that!

Show quote history

Actually this is good. Do it this way.

Daleksatemyshed · 06/12/2025 09:31

If these people had a problem with your dog being in the house they should have said so when you invited them. I suspect they've left it this late thinking you won't cancel on them this close to Christmas. Tell them straight, dog lives there and they accept that or bugger off

GAJLY · 06/12/2025 09:29

Could you both meet halfway to hand over the items? If not, could you look into evri and what they'd charge? I'd carefully wrap it up with bubble wrap, place in large boxes filled with peanuts. It's not impossible and would get there if sent this week.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 06/12/2025 09:29

I would maybe add something about "as you know the reason we are staying home is so ddog can stay home for Christmas. Really sorry if you feel this means you can't come!"

And the one with the allergy should have clarified arrangements before accepting if its a deal breaker.

Flibberteegibbet · 06/12/2025 09:28

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 02:55

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

I’d send everyone a message saying you’re sorry some have changed their minds about coming to you because they’ve just realised the dog you told them you had back in September will actually be there over Christmas. Ask if everyone who is coming confirms by today so you can finalise your food order tomorrow and leave it at that!

Itwasallyellow2 · 06/12/2025 09:27

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 06:12

Thanks everyone. I knew I wasn’t being unreasonable but when the second relative started I did question it a bit so I wanted some others opinions.

My partner and kids have said to say some of the more harsh answers given here, but I’m at least going to try to keep it polite. I really would rather not cause any family rifts as it just makes it awkward for everyone. If they continue then I will be more direct. I was really annoyed at being called cruel for prioritising our dog over a child. I’m also really annoyed that they’re trying to get other relatives on their side and then I’ve had those relatives texting to say ignore them and I’ve done nothing wrong. I appreciate their support but I’m really sad that it’s turned into something where people are having to pick a side when we’re all family and I really don’t want to fall out with anyone.

I really wish we had just said we were having Christmas alone. 😢 I thought that by being really clear about our reasons for staying home and inviting people but with no pressure to come that it would all be fine.

OP, you were never being unreasonable and you were trying to do a good thing. You know in future never to offer again. Just stay at home with your immediate family and your beautiful dog. To be honest, I would say what @Whoevenarethey says above and state that as the plans don’t seem to suit everyone, you have decided not to host and you are glad there is still enough time for everyone to make other arrangements for Christmas. Job done.

They have been incredibly rude.

Original poster
ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 09:26

KetchUpWithEverythingPls · 06/12/2025 09:16

we will just have to send them to her.

You do know that this is ridiculous, surely? You dont HAVE to do anything of the sort.

They can sort it out.

Stop being a martyr and taking on other's responsibilities

I know. I’d be doing it for the kids though. My cousin doesn’t get much help from anyone, the kids dad isn’t involved and I know she feels quite stressed a lot of the time. She’s working right up until the kids finish nursery and school so she won’t have time to pick the presents up from us and if she’s not coming for Xmas, I’d rather her not come here beforehand and have what I think could be an awkward exchange, despite it not being us that has done anything wrong.

Never again though! I’m here just mulling it all over and thinking how have we ended up here.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 06/12/2025 09:26

If you’ve only just gotten your dog this year, I presume it’s a puppy or a rescue. Realistically, it’s probably too soon to host a huge family gathering and for it to not be overwhelming. Our dog was probably 2 before it was easy to have lots of people over without her having to be crated in another room.

But you’ve made the offer and as long as you’re honest about what the set up will be, they can choose to come or not. I probably wouldn’t bring my 2 year old to a busy house with a new dog. Stand firm though on what the arrangements are. They can come or not (but it definitely sounds better all around if it’s a not).

That said, I would definitely put a plan in place for when your dog does get overwhelmed and needs a break from everyone.

gannett · 06/12/2025 09:25

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 07:38

Oh god no. He’s tiny. He’s a rescue so not sure of exact breed but he looks a lot like a west highland terrier but smaller. Our vet thinks he’s a bit of a mix! He’s not a puppy either so not jumpy or excitable. He’s very calm and quiet and is missing most of his teeth! Despite all that, I still understand that dogs aren’t for everyone, even though he is not a threat in the slightest.

Show quote history

He sounds like a darling and I think given the choice between him or these relatives, you'll have a much nicer Xmas in the company of the dog. Glad your partner and kids hve their heads screwed on about this too! Unfathomably rude of your relatives.

Zempy · 06/12/2025 09:25

Message cousin asking what plans they are making to collect the large gifts, so you can make yourself available for couriers if possible. I wouldn’t offer to arrange or pay for transport.

It will be a disaster if they grudgingly attend now, and will ruin Christmas for you and your family. I wouldn’t give them the option at this point. Just act like it’s a done deal. They aren’t coming.

Polar7 · 06/12/2025 09:22

Well done for standing your ground!

Of course they are being utterly ridiculous.

Sounds like you will have a much nicer Christmas without them if they choose not to come.

MaybeItWasMe · 06/12/2025 09:22

They can fuck right off, frankly.

IsItSnowing · 06/12/2025 09:20

You made a reasonable decision to stay at home because of the dog and then kindly invited anyone who wanted to join you to come along.
I would remind those that are moaning that you did this specifically because you had got a new dog. That they were invited to come on that basis. And that if they've changed their minds you're sorry but that's their choice.
You're not prioritising a dog, you're prioritising your family and their needs/wants. Nothing wrong with that.
Your cousin is being ridiculous. Her children don't need to freely move around anyone else's house. And stirring up trouble with other relatives is mean. She's totally in the wrong here not you.

Notonthestairs · 06/12/2025 09:19

I’d hate to cancel Christmas plans at this late stage but I fear they will make things very awkward for you. I’d certainly want to reiterate that the dog will be present and if that makes anyone feel uncomfortable then they should change their plans.

racoonsinbins · 06/12/2025 09:19

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 05:33

I would never take my DC to a house with a dog or allow a dog into my home for that matter.

It is of course your choice to have a dog there but get used to a lot of cancellations in your social diary because a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason.

i’ve had a dog for 12 years including while my children were primary age. No-one has ever not visited because of the dog. We had a constant stream of children through the house at one point - a few kids didn’t like or were frightened of her and we easily managed this to everyone’s satisfaction. Of course it’s entirely up to you what you do but suggesting that getting a dog is social suicide is misleading.

diddl · 06/12/2025 09:18

I wouldn’t bother making those concessions about dog-free room etc because you know that won’t be enough when they turn up, right? They want the dog banished while they are there and it will be so stressful for your poor pup. Let them pull out of coming.

Yup!

Yogagrandmum · 06/12/2025 09:17

Why do you invite cousins? Er.

Overthebow · 06/12/2025 09:17

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 09:09

Also, another issue if my cousin doesn’t come is that we have a few of the children’s Xmas presents here from their mum (Santa) including a new bike and big dolls house. My cousin lives about 100 miles away from us so instead of her having to transport the big gifts here and risk the kids seeing them, she had them delivered here. She asked us last month and we were fine with it, my partner even offered to build them to save my cousin a job and to check all parts were there. So we have a bike and a dolls house fully built and a few other bits in the garage. I know she will be stressing about this and will probably think we’ll have to change our plans because of this but we will just have to send them to her. Just adds to the stress of the whole situation though.

That’s her problem not yours. She’ll have to come collect them or arrange for a courier company.

KetchUpWithEverythingPls · 06/12/2025 09:16

we will just have to send them to her.

You do know that this is ridiculous, surely? You dont HAVE to do anything of the sort.

They can sort it out.

Stop being a martyr and taking on other's responsibilities

sesquipedalian · 06/12/2025 09:13

OP, there are men with vans who will transport things. I suspect your demanding, needy relative will back down and come with trembling lip to enjoy your hospitality and complain about DDog - just make very clear that if she comes, she is to treat DDog as another member of the family and any complaints about him will unfortunately mean she and DC are required to leave. Ditto other difficult relative. Next year, OP, I’d go away for Christmas with just your family and DDog.