Family Christmas Issue

I disagree. They likely accepted accepted out of courtesy as it’s a regular arrangement. Once it then transpired that the OP was not making suitable arrangements for the animal when considering young children will be present, the issue surfaced.

I image she knew all along what their reaction would be but has tried to take the cowardly was out by inviting them knowing it was going to be an issue rather than telling them from the outset that she now considers and animal to be more important than her family and one of them are invited.

People know who will and won’t visit when dogs are around. It’s hardly a revelation in most cases.

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

It’s nothing to do with fear. Dogs are grim. Other than working dogs they serve no purpose other than to cover up for owners social inadequacies.

They have no place in a civilised society.

Ridiculous, its a dog, not a tiger, why are you raising your kids to be such fearful little drama queen's?

How anyone can prioritise an animal over a child is beyond me but some people do.

The relatives have dodged a bullet here and can now enjoy their Christmas.

How anyone can prioritise an animal over a child is beyond me but some people do.

The relatives have dodged a bullet here and can now enjoy their Christmas.

Of course not if it was clear at the outset that a dog would be there. I wouldn’t even consider it.

I’m surprised the OP is apparently so shocked at their relatives response to a dog being present. It shows an incredible lack of self awareness.

I would never take my DC to a house with a dog or allow a dog into my home for that matter.

It is of course your choice to have a dog there but get used to a lot of cancellations in your social diary because a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason.

I’ve spoken to my partner and told him that mumsnet have confirmed I am not being unreasonable. 😅

My partner said to stop going over it all in my head and get it sorted. So, I have just now sent a message to all relatives on the group chat reminding them that I said back in September that we were staying home due to our dog, and that if the dog is an issue to any of them, I’ll understand if they can no longer make it. I’ve asked them to confirm whether they’re coming or not by the end of today so that I can plan food, sleeping arrangements etc. I’ve then also just sent my cousin a text separately saying that I understand if she can no longer come, and that if she cant, we’ll box up the presents and she can arrange a courier to get them.

My oldest has just put a few photos of our dog having his advent calendar treat and out on his morning walk on the same group chat that feels highly sensitive at the moment. I did laugh when I saw them but I could kill him, he thinks he is hilarious.

I’m genuinely not a pushover but I feel really bloody sick. I will say what needs saying but I still hate this sort of thing and I just really didn’t see this coming. I also feel like a total drama queen putting this on here but I really started to think I was missing something. You never know if when your partner and kids are saying you’re not unreasonable whether they’re just being really loyal or we’re all just not seeing something so the thread has actually helped.

It’s not a regular arrangement. Various people have hosted Xmas over the years, some years there is no big get together and everyone does their own things. Some years the family splits into a few groups, while others have stayed home or gone on holiday. Some people have declined this year for various reasons and some are getting together with others. It’s very much anything goes, there’s no pressure so she didn’t accept due to courtesy or it being a regular arrangement.

In September, another relative asked in the main family WhatsApp group if we were doing a big Xmas get together this year. I said that we wouldn’t be able to travel this year due to our dog, that we didn’t have anyone to have him and we didn’t want to leave him anyway, but I said if everyone wants big Xmas, I’m happy to host. I also said I understood if everyone wanted to do something else and we were fine to have Xmas with just our kids. I’ve just checked back on our messages and my cousin was the second person to accept our invitation. She reminded me that one of her children has some food issues, which I knew anyway, and I said not to worry and that we’d speak closer to the time to make sure we have everything in that he’ll eat. She was happy with that and said thanks.

I wouldn’t rely on that type of defence if you ever end up in court!