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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

188 replies

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

OP posts:
Okiedokie123 · 06/12/2025 01:47

I’m shocked she was flippant about it. Any decent person would have apologised profusely and offered compensation.
But once again the comments on MN….. are very different imho to what most people would actually do if this was their life, their granny and their own £85!

yorkie99 · 06/12/2025 01:41

Firefumes · 06/12/2025 00:58

Just from a hygiene perspective I wouldn’t want my friend’s hand touching the cake. No one needs to physically hold the cake by the icing to keep it steady on the drive home.

Agree with this. Why is no one commenting on how revolting it is to put your whole hand directly on a cake

SweetnsourNZ · 06/12/2025 01:30

NameChanger20252 · 05/12/2025 22:41

Realistically, I wouldn’t ask for a payment because let’s face it, if she felt any guilt she would have immediately offered. If you ask, you’re not going to get any money anyway so why bother? If it were me, I’d lose a lot of respect for her firstly for being so careless and secondly for not offering any money. For that, I’d have to distance myself at least for the time being whilst I decided if I still wanted to be friends.

If this was a one off, I’d let it go. A pattern of behavior, maybe less likely to let it go.

Yes, wondering if she has form for doing dumb things that ruin things for you. Surely a grown woman can look after a cake without this happening. If it was falling out of the box wouldn't she have said something at that moment.? The whole thing doesn't add up. Hope your grandma had a nice birthday anyway.

BitterTits · 06/12/2025 01:18

Christ alive, she's your friend and it was an accident. Don't be ridiculous. Also, if it cost £85, why didn't the box have a lid?

LAMPS1 · 06/12/2025 01:15

So now you know you can’t trust your friend with your precious stuff.
Thats a good lesson you learned in my view. Be grateful for that.

But no, you can’t charge her for being careless and unthinking and uncaring because you gave her the job to do without knowing whether or not you could trust her.
It was your risk to take. Not hers.

Xkk · 06/12/2025 00:59

If you would have asked me for money I would have asked you for half the cake to take with me, squashed or not. The cake was eaten by your family so you didn't lose any money. CF on your side trying to make some money of your friend. Btw, serious question what bakery gives cakes especially at that price with open top? That's mad, if you don't have car and is drizling or raining, how do you transport it? Even the doughnuts at gregs are given in a closed box

Firefumes · 06/12/2025 00:58

Just from a hygiene perspective I wouldn’t want my friend’s hand touching the cake. No one needs to physically hold the cake by the icing to keep it steady on the drive home.

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 00:54

Even if you had a full car, you could move it in the boot, with things around to it stop it moving around.

I've moved numerous cakes before, including the wedding cake I made for a friend. It's not that hard.

Ponoka7 · 06/12/2025 00:39

My sister can't be trusted with cakes or balloons. I now never trust anyone. It's a lesson learned. She shouldn't pay half because when you saw her on her phone you should have pulled over and secured the cake. It was still edible. She's in the wrong, but you won't get money off her.

Ancestress · 06/12/2025 00:22

What happened to the hand-print-size portion of icing she got from resting her hand on top of the cake?

Hopefully she didn’t wipe it all over the gifts or flowers, but if she did, you should be charging her for half the cost of them too.

Sorry, like another PP, I can’t take this seriously.

Dweetfidilove · 06/12/2025 00:22

🤣🤣🤣

Mwnci123 · 06/12/2025 00:19

I voted YABU because, although she is an idiot, you've no hope of recovering any money from her.

jbm16 · 06/12/2025 00:17

Major overreaction, she's tried to help you, might not have gone to plan, but why the hell should she pay half, sounds like everyone still eat the cake...

Ancestress · 06/12/2025 00:14

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:36

I get what you’re saying, but I think people are massively downplaying what actually happened.

I asked her to hold the box steady with her hands on the outside of it. That’s literally it. A 5-second instruction a child could follow. I didn’t hand her a priceless artefact and demand financial liability. I asked her not to grab the buttercream.

And yes, if she wasn’t there, the cake would’ve gone on the front seat next to me. I’ve done that before with seat pushed back, seatbelt round the box, towel underneath, job done. The only reason I didn’t do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Also, if the cake had fallen because I braked suddenly, that would be on me because I would have been responsible for it. That’s exactly the point: you take care of the thing in your hands. You don’t stick your palm in it and then act like it’s some unavoidable force of nature.

This wasn’t an “accident” like a sudden jolt or unexpected movement. This was her literally resting her hand on the cake the entire journey instead of the box, despite being told otherwise.

If she’d said “oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise,” I honestly wouldn’t be bothered. But she didn’t apologise, didn’t take responsibility, and basically implied I was lucky she even touched the thing

Show quote history

How does a seatbelt securely go around a cake box? Confused

And couldn’t the cake have gone in the footwell and the gifts on the back seat?

Helplessandheartbroke · 06/12/2025 00:14

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:59

I think some people are imagining a tiny dent or a wobble but this was a full-on handprint!
And the bit that’s really wound me up is that there was absolutely no care or common sense on her part. When we were driving, I even glanced back at one point and she was literally scrolling her phone with one hand.
When we arrived and I saw the damage, she didn’t apologise. Not once. No “oh god I’m so sorry”, no “I didn’t realise”. she acted like it was a bag of shopping!

You're being ridiculous

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/12/2025 00:02

I can understand being a bit annoyed, but that doesn’t translate to her owing you money, that’s some serious CFery on your part.

IridiumSky · 06/12/2025 00:00

Your friend is a moron. But she doesn’t owe you any money.

ktopfwcv · 05/12/2025 23:54

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I'd asked her

OR

The only reason I didn't do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Which one is it OP?

Autumngirl5 · 05/12/2025 23:41

TokenGinger · 05/12/2025 23:08

For future reference, a cake should be place in the footwell of a car, in the front, with the passenger seat pushed all of the way back. It’s the most stable place to go.

In answer to your question, I personally think it’s on the bakery. As a baker myself, my cakes leave me with a care card to say it should travel in a footwell, and they leave fresh out of a fridge so the buttercream is stable enough so they can withstand a journey (so no need to save it by hand from falling, as it wouldn’t fall). The fact it was soft enough to show a handprint tells me the cake had been warm/at room temperature for a while.

And not on your friends lap with her hand clamped tightly over it? Sorry I’m struggling to take this seriously.

Oftenaddled · 05/12/2025 23:41

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:36

I get what you’re saying, but I think people are massively downplaying what actually happened.

I asked her to hold the box steady with her hands on the outside of it. That’s literally it. A 5-second instruction a child could follow. I didn’t hand her a priceless artefact and demand financial liability. I asked her not to grab the buttercream.

And yes, if she wasn’t there, the cake would’ve gone on the front seat next to me. I’ve done that before with seat pushed back, seatbelt round the box, towel underneath, job done. The only reason I didn’t do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Also, if the cake had fallen because I braked suddenly, that would be on me because I would have been responsible for it. That’s exactly the point: you take care of the thing in your hands. You don’t stick your palm in it and then act like it’s some unavoidable force of nature.

This wasn’t an “accident” like a sudden jolt or unexpected movement. This was her literally resting her hand on the cake the entire journey instead of the box, despite being told otherwise.

If she’d said “oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise,” I honestly wouldn’t be bothered. But she didn’t apologise, didn’t take responsibility, and basically implied I was lucky she even touched the thing

Show quote history

She should have apologized. She was certainly a bit daft. But she doesn't owe you any money.

Original poster
PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:36

Noshadelamp · 05/12/2025 23:30

You gave her the responsibility for looking after the cake, but was she aware that if something happened to it you would charge her for any damage, or as someone mentioned, charge her a fee?

It's one of those unfortunate accidents imo.

If she wasn't there, what would you have done with the cake? Put it on the seat next to you? What if you braked suddenly and the cake fell onto the floor, who would you blame then?

I get what you’re saying, but I think people are massively downplaying what actually happened.

I asked her to hold the box steady with her hands on the outside of it. That’s literally it. A 5-second instruction a child could follow. I didn’t hand her a priceless artefact and demand financial liability. I asked her not to grab the buttercream.

And yes, if she wasn’t there, the cake would’ve gone on the front seat next to me. I’ve done that before with seat pushed back, seatbelt round the box, towel underneath, job done. The only reason I didn’t do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Also, if the cake had fallen because I braked suddenly, that would be on me because I would have been responsible for it. That’s exactly the point: you take care of the thing in your hands. You don’t stick your palm in it and then act like it’s some unavoidable force of nature.

This wasn’t an “accident” like a sudden jolt or unexpected movement. This was her literally resting her hand on the cake the entire journey instead of the box, despite being told otherwise.

If she’d said “oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise,” I honestly wouldn’t be bothered. But she didn’t apologise, didn’t take responsibility, and basically implied I was lucky she even touched the thing

OP posts:
Noshadelamp · 05/12/2025 23:30

You gave her the responsibility for looking after the cake, but was she aware that if something happened to it you would charge her for any damage, or as someone mentioned, charge her a fee?

It's one of those unfortunate accidents imo.

If she wasn't there, what would you have done with the cake? Put it on the seat next to you? What if you braked suddenly and the cake fell onto the floor, who would you blame then?

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 05/12/2025 23:24

Oh FFS! You have to see the funny side when this kind of thing happens. Don’t take life too seriously….it’s a cake, it got eaten, it’s a story and a memory….

birdsnestinghere · 05/12/2025 23:23

She was helping you, doing you a favour. You should have asked for the lid of the cake box when transporting it and kept it in a more stable location. Just consider it a lesson learned in how to transport cakes for future.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 05/12/2025 23:21

On what basis do you think she should pay you for half of the cake?

It arrived, it was eaten. If the two of you had managed to completely smoosh it beyond being able to be presented to Gran and used, and you had to either be cakeless, or go to Sainsburys and get a replacement, you might have a point. But the cake was presented and used and eaten.