Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

188 replies

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

OP posts:
Pinkosand · 06/12/2025 07:01

No I wouldn't ask her to pay because it would be very unforgiving towards my friend. Although knowing my friends, I'd expect that they would be more apologetic and less defensive and indifferent to what had happened. Sound like this isn't much for a friendship if this is how you've both acted.

HelmholtzWatson · 06/12/2025 06:51

If "a friend" tried to charge me for this, I'd bill them for giving up my time to help them out, and you can bet my bill would be bigger.

Whataretalkingabout · 06/12/2025 06:47

Well it seems OP this is a perfect example that you can't have your cake and eat it too....

friedeggrunny · 06/12/2025 06:43

A baker would give you instructions on how to transport a cake.

It should be placed in the footwell not held.

What exactly would you do with the money you’ve asked for?

Another CF.

MrsPrendergast · 06/12/2025 06:35

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:02

If your friend deliberately stomped on a cake you wouldn’t be angry?

Show quote history

Rachel deliberately damaged the cake?

susiedaisy1912 · 06/12/2025 06:30

Your friend is either as thick as shit or not your friend. Either way I’d dump her.

Mumofoneandone · 06/12/2025 06:28

Not sure what distance you had to travel but I've carried a couple of cakes long distances in cars over the years without incident. That's because I actually held them in their boxes and didn't mess around on my phone!
Previous poster absolutely right to say she should pay for the whole cake. Doubt she'll pay but you're absolutely right to be p*ed off with her. Yes friendship is worth reconsidering in light of this behaviour.....i

Tryingatleast · 06/12/2025 06:27

it is batshit someone would lose a friend over cake. Or get this angry with their friend who came with you to hold stuff etc (by your own admission). I’ve taught my children from age two that you can’t be angry over an accident!!! I think your friendship is over anyway op, but you need to calm down. It’s cake, ye ate it.

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 06:16

Solost92 · 06/12/2025 06:11

I would honestly think that wa deliberate! Usually those open top boxes come up higher than the cake. It wouldn't be a natural movement to put you hand on top of a cake like that. Wasn't her hand covered in frosting? Wierd.

When I was getting married I'd made my own wedding cake, took 2 days. Asked mum to hold it on the drive, in a box obvs. She was adamant she wasn't putting her hands on it. Everytine I braked or turned it wobbled and I shouted "hold the cake!" Ended up taking it off her and giving it to my cousin when a car in front made me brake slightly harshly and it nearly ended in the footwell. One side of the buttercream was smushed. I was so so angry.

It's not hard to hold something. It's malicious compliance at best to not.do it properly and cause it to get damaged.

If the side was smushed from that force, you didn't have it attached properly to the appropriate cake board. That would never happen to one of my cakes. The box is the perfect size for the board, cake firmly attached to the board. The cake can't move and hit the side of the box when fitted and fixed appropriately.

Solost92 · 06/12/2025 06:16

Also I wouldn't really want to eat a cake that someone has slapped their hand in the buttercream. When people are baking they're washing their hands. You've come out of a shop. She's touched door handles and the car door and her phone then smushed all that bacteria into the buttercream 🤢 gross. And I bake with a toddler.

Elektra1 · 06/12/2025 06:12

Anyone who puts their hand on the top of a cake to stabilise it in a car journey has got to be thick as mince.

I wouldn’t expect her to pay anything but I also wouldn’t rely on her for any common sense tasks in future.

firstofallimadelight · 06/12/2025 06:12

Firstly the cake co had some responsibility it needs a box with one of those pieces of card with a circular whole in to keep it in place and a lid.

its reasonable to be annoyed at her and her so what there’s a hand in the cake attitude is rubbish. Was it deliberate? I honestly can’t imagine someone that stupid.
I would be reconsidering the friendship, mainly because of how she was afterwards

Solost92 · 06/12/2025 06:11

I would honestly think that wa deliberate! Usually those open top boxes come up higher than the cake. It wouldn't be a natural movement to put you hand on top of a cake like that. Wasn't her hand covered in frosting? Wierd.

When I was getting married I'd made my own wedding cake, took 2 days. Asked mum to hold it on the drive, in a box obvs. She was adamant she wasn't putting her hands on it. Everytine I braked or turned it wobbled and I shouted "hold the cake!" Ended up taking it off her and giving it to my cousin when a car in front made me brake slightly harshly and it nearly ended in the footwell. One side of the buttercream was smushed. I was so so angry.

It's not hard to hold something. It's malicious compliance at best to not.do it properly and cause it to get damaged.

Mapletree1985 · 06/12/2025 06:09

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

If I bought a cake for 85 pounds I'd take a cake container with me to ensure no harm came to it, or insist they put it in a closed, very sturdy cardboard box. You should have given this expensive cake more thought and not handed that duty over to a friend doing you a favour.

cheerfulaf · 06/12/2025 06:09

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 06:01

And tiered cakes are usually best transported on the floor as that's more stable than a seat or lap

I agree and actually think the bakery are responsible here

I cannot understand why there was no lid on the box, whilst travelling anything could go on to the cake (fluff, hair, what if it were raining?)

I also think the bakery should have discussed with you the best way to transport and store the cake, even how best to hold it. I think your friend was a bit of an idiot here but I have seen people attempt to pick up a cake box from the sides before so she’s not alone!

how she handled the situation is another matter, I would be upset if this happened and my friend couldn’t give a shit rather than be apologetic, still not sure I’d expect her to pay anything though

DayOfSummer · 06/12/2025 06:04

BitterTits · 06/12/2025 01:18

Christ alive, she's your friend and it was an accident. Don't be ridiculous. Also, if it cost £85, why didn't the box have a lid?

Edited

This! I think the bakery is at fault here and needs feedback that they need better packaging for their expensive cakes. Why was it you were footing the bill for the whole cake anyway? Didn’t your family offer to contribute? Chalk it down to experience not to give this particular friend any responsibility like this if future, sorry but she doesn’t sound like she has a lot of common sense.

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 06:01

And tiered cakes are usually best transported on the floor as that's more stable than a seat or lap

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 06:00

TappyGilmore · 05/12/2025 22:51

The bakery didn’t package the cake properly. Why would they have put it in an open top box? I have only ever bought cakes which are packaged well in boxes so wouldn’t need holding in a car in the first place, and probably wouldn’t be damaged by someone stopping it from falling in transit.

So it’s not your friend’s fault. But you should have complained about the packaging when you picked it up, not after the cake was damaged.

This

LBFseBrom · 06/12/2025 05:56

I'm surprised youdidn't get creative and cover up the damage somehow. You can work wonders with a bit of icing.

However the cake was eaten, it was an accident so you can't expect half of its cost. I'm sure ti was fine. Such things happen in transit.

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 05:56

EasternEcho · 06/12/2025 02:19

Holding the sides of a box with a cake in it won't stop the cake itself from moving if the car went over a bump for instance. It is quite likely that she needed to stabilize the cake from the top and it may have been purely out of instinct at that moment of a jolt. Asking for money after the cake was eaten seems weird.

When I made cakes I put them on a cake board that was the perfect fit for the box. That stops the side to side movement. If the cake is iced to the cake board, like it should be, it would take quite a jolt for it to come off at all. I don't think a bump should be an issue unless the box falls off a seat in the process.

ThisIsAboutRight · 06/12/2025 05:37

OP, you already know what you think. Why are you asking us?

winterwarmer8274 · 06/12/2025 05:31

I would be mildly annoyed, but instead of getting angry and demanding payment, I would probably choose to call my friend an idiot and proceed to laugh about it.

Why ruin your day over something so trivial? It's just cake.

Your gran asking 'why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side' is a non event. I'm 1000000% sure she did not care one bit about the squashed cake and was just wondering how it happened.

The photo's aren't ruined, no one is looking at the cake. They are looking at the people.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 06/12/2025 05:16

She doesn’t work for you. She was helping. You should have secured it in the boot. Hope you haven't asked her to pay or she’ll be starting her own thread how cheeky you are.

ACynicalDad · 06/12/2025 05:14

Of course not, it may have been a cake but I’d need to have hundreds of friends to let this damage av friendship and asking for money will do that.

TulipCat · 06/12/2025 05:12

Your friend did a silly thing but you allowed the circumstances to create a suboptimal transport situation. Before her holding the cake happened, you accepted a poorly packaged cake without insisting on a closed box, and you didn't bother to move the presents from the footwell so the cake could have gone there. Yes, she could have apologised, but this one's on you really.